giving herself and her children over to any man that frightened her. Was that why she told him she could never love him?
Among the Old Order Amish, the man was the head of the family and his was the final say. He could decide to leave one church group and attend another, and his wife would have to do as he wished. Roland, or any husband she might choose, could—if he wished—move them to Wisconsin or Colorado or even to Canada, as some of the faith had done. A husband would have the right and the power to turn her life upside down, and there would be nothing she could do or say to prevent it...nothing but remain single.
Maybe she was too attached to her mother and her sisters.... But the truth was, she still didn’t want to leave Seven Poplars...she still needed her family around her. And to do that...to make certain that her life remained as it was, she would have to remain single, like her mother.
It was so much safer this way. Immediately, relief flooded through her. She didn’t have to chance their future. She could keep things just as they were until her children were grown. It wasn’t as if she didn’t have a home, didn’t have a place to raise Katy and Jonah. She had her bees and her sheep and her quilts. Her desire for a baby would pass, wouldn’t it? She didn’t need a man...not really. And she didn’t need Roland.
Well...maybe she did, but as a friend...as they had been when they were children. She’d thought of Roland then as a brother or maybe a cousin. It wasn’t until things changed...until she’d allowed him to take her home from frolics and singings that he’d become something more. It wasn’t until they’d walked out together and she’d allowed him to hold her hand when they walked through the orchard that she’d begun to think of what it would be like to be his wife.
She and Roland had shared a time of fun and laughter and dreams...until he had betrayed her and everything had gone wrong between them. Then she’d married Wilmer, on impulse for certain.
She’d thought she was so grown-up when she and Wilmer had taken their vows before God and Bishop Atlee, when they’d sat at the bride and groom’s table with family and friends around them. But she’d had so much to learn. She’d not always been wise and she’d not always had charity in her heart for Wilmer’s weaknesses. But she’d never realized just how lost he was...until it was too late.
“Johanna, look!”
Roland’s words brought her back to the present and she glanced in the direction he pointed. A smooth, dark head cut the water, and as she watched, a beautiful bottlenose dolphin dove out of the water, followed by a second, a third and a fourth.
“One of God’s wonders,” Roland remarked.
Johanna exhaled softly, caught in the excitement of the moment as the dolphins raced beside the boat, diving and leaping and diving again, seemingly just for the joy of being alive. I wish I’d brought Jonah with me. Maybe if Roland teaches him to swim, I can take him on a fishing boat next year. Jonah would love to see the dolphins and the other boats and the seabirds, and he would love trying to catch fish. Katy was too young to come out on the bay yet, but someday, Johanna promised herself, someday, she would bring Katy, too.
* * *
“I’ve got a bite!” Johanna called.
Another one? Roland bit back the words. It was mean-spirited to resent Johanna’s prowess, and he didn’t really feel that way. Still, in the hour since the captain had anchored at Fourteen Foot Lighthouse, Johanna had already caught a nice-size trout and a croaker. The only thing that he’d managed to land was one toadfish and a sea bass too small to keep.
Charley had three trout, and Miriam had caught a flounder. If things didn’t improve, Johanna would never let him hear the end of it. It wasn’t that he was a terrible fisherman. He was using the same bait as everyone else, and he was just as capable of catching fish. The trouble was, nothing
Among the Old Order Amish, the man was the head of the family and his was the final say. He could decide to leave one church group and attend another, and his wife would have to do as he wished. Roland, or any husband she might choose, could—if he wished—move them to Wisconsin or Colorado or even to Canada, as some of the faith had done. A husband would have the right and the power to turn her life upside down, and there would be nothing she could do or say to prevent it...nothing but remain single.
Maybe she was too attached to her mother and her sisters.... But the truth was, she still didn’t want to leave Seven Poplars...she still needed her family around her. And to do that...to make certain that her life remained as it was, she would have to remain single, like her mother.
It was so much safer this way. Immediately, relief flooded through her. She didn’t have to chance their future. She could keep things just as they were until her children were grown. It wasn’t as if she didn’t have a home, didn’t have a place to raise Katy and Jonah. She had her bees and her sheep and her quilts. Her desire for a baby would pass, wouldn’t it? She didn’t need a man...not really. And she didn’t need Roland.
Well...maybe she did, but as a friend...as they had been when they were children. She’d thought of Roland then as a brother or maybe a cousin. It wasn’t until things changed...until she’d allowed him to take her home from frolics and singings that he’d become something more. It wasn’t until they’d walked out together and she’d allowed him to hold her hand when they walked through the orchard that she’d begun to think of what it would be like to be his wife.
She and Roland had shared a time of fun and laughter and dreams...until he had betrayed her and everything had gone wrong between them. Then she’d married Wilmer, on impulse for certain.
She’d thought she was so grown-up when she and Wilmer had taken their vows before God and Bishop Atlee, when they’d sat at the bride and groom’s table with family and friends around them. But she’d had so much to learn. She’d not always been wise and she’d not always had charity in her heart for Wilmer’s weaknesses. But she’d never realized just how lost he was...until it was too late.
“Johanna, look!”
Roland’s words brought her back to the present and she glanced in the direction he pointed. A smooth, dark head cut the water, and as she watched, a beautiful bottlenose dolphin dove out of the water, followed by a second, a third and a fourth.
“One of God’s wonders,” Roland remarked.
Johanna exhaled softly, caught in the excitement of the moment as the dolphins raced beside the boat, diving and leaping and diving again, seemingly just for the joy of being alive. I wish I’d brought Jonah with me. Maybe if Roland teaches him to swim, I can take him on a fishing boat next year. Jonah would love to see the dolphins and the other boats and the seabirds, and he would love trying to catch fish. Katy was too young to come out on the bay yet, but someday, Johanna promised herself, someday, she would bring Katy, too.
* * *
“I’ve got a bite!” Johanna called.
Another one? Roland bit back the words. It was mean-spirited to resent Johanna’s prowess, and he didn’t really feel that way. Still, in the hour since the captain had anchored at Fourteen Foot Lighthouse, Johanna had already caught a nice-size trout and a croaker. The only thing that he’d managed to land was one toadfish and a sea bass too small to keep.
Charley had three trout, and Miriam had caught a flounder. If things didn’t improve, Johanna would never let him hear the end of it. It wasn’t that he was a terrible fisherman. He was using the same bait as everyone else, and he was just as capable of catching fish. The trouble was, nothing
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