Werner.
‘Yes and no … I got much better and was able to cope. But it was after I was released that I really started to get better. I was referred to a special clinic here inHamburg. One that only deals with phobias, anxiety disorders and obsessive-compulsive disorders.’
‘The Fear Clinic run by Dr Minks?’ asked Maria.
‘Yes … that’s the one.’ Kristina sounded surprised.
There was a brief silence as everyone waited for Maria to follow up her question. But she did not, instead holding Kristina in her steady blue-grey gaze.
‘Dr Minks worked wonders,’ Kristina continued. ‘He helped me get my life back. To get myself together again.’
‘It must have been effective.’ Werner leaned back in his chair and smiled. ‘For you to become a cleaner. I mean, does that not mean you face your worst fear each and every day?’
‘But that’s exactly it!’ Kristina suddenly became animated. ‘Dr Minks got me to confront my demons. My fears. It started in small steps, with Dr Minks there to support me. I was exposed more and more to the things that would trigger my panic attacks.’
‘Flooding …’ Susanne nodded. ‘The object of terror becomes an object of familiarity.’
‘That’s right – that’s exactly what Dr Minks called it. He said I could learn to control and channel my phobia, ultimately diminishing and conquering it.’ It was clear from the manner in which Kristina delivered the words that she was using an unaccustomed vocabulary learned from her psychologist. ‘He showed me that I could control chaos and get my life in order. So much so that it ended up that I became a cleaner.’ She paused and the zeal disappeared from her expression. ‘When I walked into Herr Hauser’s apartment … when I saw Herr Hauser and what had been done to him, I thought my world was falling apart. It was like I was right back in myold apartment, when I …’ She let the thought die. ‘But Dr Minks taught me that I have to stay in control. He told me that I shouldn’t allow my past or my fear to define me, to define what I was capable of becoming. Dr Minks explained that I have to contain what I fear and by doing so contain the fear itself. There was blood. So much blood. It was like I was standing on the edge of a cliff or something. I really felt I was one step away from going mad. I had to take control. I had to get hold of the fear before it got hold of me.’
‘So you started to clean? Is that what you’re saying?’ Werner asked.
‘Yes. The blood first. It took so long. Then everything else. I didn’t let it win.’ Kristina rubbed again at the invisible spot on the table top. One last time. Decisively. ‘Don’t you see? The Chaos didn’t win. I stayed in control.’
7.10 p.m.: Police Presidium, Alsterdorf, Hamburg
The team had a brief meeting after the Kristina Dreyer interview. She remained the prime suspect and she was to be held in custody overnight, but it was clear that none of the team was convinced of her guilt.
After Fabel had wound the meeting up, he asked Maria to stay behind.
‘Is everything okay, Maria?’ he asked her when they were alone. Maria’s expression eloquently transmitted impatience and confusion. ‘It’s just that you didn’t say much in there.’
‘I tend to think there wasn’t much to say, to be honest, Chef . I think we’ll have to see what the forensic and pathology exams tell us about exactlywhat happened. Not that Kristina Dreyer left us much to go on.’
Fabel nodded thoughtfully, then asked: ‘How do you know about this Fear Clinic she was attending?’
‘It got quite a bit of publicity when it opened. There was an article about it in the Abendblatt . It’s unique, and when Kristina Dreyer said she was attending a special clinic it was the only one that would fit.’ If Maria was hiding something, then Fabel could not read it in her face. Fabel found himself, not for the first time, becoming deeply irritated by her closed-off countenance.
‘Yes and no … I got much better and was able to cope. But it was after I was released that I really started to get better. I was referred to a special clinic here inHamburg. One that only deals with phobias, anxiety disorders and obsessive-compulsive disorders.’
‘The Fear Clinic run by Dr Minks?’ asked Maria.
‘Yes … that’s the one.’ Kristina sounded surprised.
There was a brief silence as everyone waited for Maria to follow up her question. But she did not, instead holding Kristina in her steady blue-grey gaze.
‘Dr Minks worked wonders,’ Kristina continued. ‘He helped me get my life back. To get myself together again.’
‘It must have been effective.’ Werner leaned back in his chair and smiled. ‘For you to become a cleaner. I mean, does that not mean you face your worst fear each and every day?’
‘But that’s exactly it!’ Kristina suddenly became animated. ‘Dr Minks got me to confront my demons. My fears. It started in small steps, with Dr Minks there to support me. I was exposed more and more to the things that would trigger my panic attacks.’
‘Flooding …’ Susanne nodded. ‘The object of terror becomes an object of familiarity.’
‘That’s right – that’s exactly what Dr Minks called it. He said I could learn to control and channel my phobia, ultimately diminishing and conquering it.’ It was clear from the manner in which Kristina delivered the words that she was using an unaccustomed vocabulary learned from her psychologist. ‘He showed me that I could control chaos and get my life in order. So much so that it ended up that I became a cleaner.’ She paused and the zeal disappeared from her expression. ‘When I walked into Herr Hauser’s apartment … when I saw Herr Hauser and what had been done to him, I thought my world was falling apart. It was like I was right back in myold apartment, when I …’ She let the thought die. ‘But Dr Minks taught me that I have to stay in control. He told me that I shouldn’t allow my past or my fear to define me, to define what I was capable of becoming. Dr Minks explained that I have to contain what I fear and by doing so contain the fear itself. There was blood. So much blood. It was like I was standing on the edge of a cliff or something. I really felt I was one step away from going mad. I had to take control. I had to get hold of the fear before it got hold of me.’
‘So you started to clean? Is that what you’re saying?’ Werner asked.
‘Yes. The blood first. It took so long. Then everything else. I didn’t let it win.’ Kristina rubbed again at the invisible spot on the table top. One last time. Decisively. ‘Don’t you see? The Chaos didn’t win. I stayed in control.’
7.10 p.m.: Police Presidium, Alsterdorf, Hamburg
The team had a brief meeting after the Kristina Dreyer interview. She remained the prime suspect and she was to be held in custody overnight, but it was clear that none of the team was convinced of her guilt.
After Fabel had wound the meeting up, he asked Maria to stay behind.
‘Is everything okay, Maria?’ he asked her when they were alone. Maria’s expression eloquently transmitted impatience and confusion. ‘It’s just that you didn’t say much in there.’
‘I tend to think there wasn’t much to say, to be honest, Chef . I think we’ll have to see what the forensic and pathology exams tell us about exactlywhat happened. Not that Kristina Dreyer left us much to go on.’
Fabel nodded thoughtfully, then asked: ‘How do you know about this Fear Clinic she was attending?’
‘It got quite a bit of publicity when it opened. There was an article about it in the Abendblatt . It’s unique, and when Kristina Dreyer said she was attending a special clinic it was the only one that would fit.’ If Maria was hiding something, then Fabel could not read it in her face. Fabel found himself, not for the first time, becoming deeply irritated by her closed-off countenance.
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