Knight isn't my guy."
His disposition changed visibly but he still
questioned me. "So, he's just a guy who wants to be your guy?"
I like his sense of humor.
"I plead the fifth."
"I'm sure," He replied with a chuckle.
"So what about you? Are you single?" I
asked.
"Unequivocally so," he replied.
"Unequivocally," I said mocking his emphatic
answer. "And why is that? You have got to be one of the most
eligible bachelors in the entire city."
John narrowed his eyes at my sarcasm before
shrugging it off.
"I guess it's just not at the top of my list
of priorities right now," he explained.
"Oh boy... Don't tell me you're one of those
'I don't do relationships' types," I said with a heavy roll of my
eyes.
"No. I do relationships. I'm just not doing
one right now. Trust me, I have my reasons."
Before I could get into it any further, the
server stopped by our table with the bill. John snatched it up
before I could even suggest that we split it. And, I couldn't wait
to get home and call Drew back, even though I hated to cut lunch
short with John. I had the feeling he wanted to spend more time
with me, but the uncharacteristic tone of my brother's voice kept
gnawing at me, so I promised him lunch on Monday. After I got home,
I kicked off my shoes and immediately pulled out my phone.
He answered on the first ring.
"Jade, you are not ready for this shit here,
trust me. I want to tell you, but I have this voice in my ear that
says "Don't tell her, Bro" then the other voice says "Please, do
not listen to that other voice". So since it's two against one I
gotta tell you."
Even in the midst of delivering bad news he
could somehow manage to make me laugh. "Just get it over with
already. Please!" I threw myself onto the couch and swung my legs
up over the armrest.
"All right. So last night I'm hanging out at
Mangos. Right?"
I smirked. "But you hate Mangos."
"You're right. I know, but it was for my
coworker's birthday. So I'm there and I'm having a contest with
Henderson trying to find a girl with real tits that was really a
girl."
"OK..."
"So I find a pair-I mean a chick and I'm
like 'Yeah I win.'"
"Congratulations."
"But then I take a better look at baby
girl's face."
"To make sure she's really a girl
right?"
"And it's Colleen."
I laughed hysterically because Drew had had
a crush on Colleen since the first day he laid eyes on her. I
noticed that he wasn't laughing with me.
"Well, it's not so much that it was her, but
more what she was doing and who she was with."
"Oh boy... Who was it?" I was becoming
impatient.
"It was Evan."
Radio Silence.
Poor Andrew sounded more devastated than I
did, but his reaction was more due to the fact that he didn't know
how I was going to handle this and he wasn't able to be here for
me. And even though he was absolutely right I consoled him enough
to get off of the phone so that I could face my feelings the way
that I did best.
Alone.
Andrew was only a baby when our mother
decided she didn't want to be our mother anymore. It took a year
for me to give up on my dreams of her coming back to us and decide
to forget how she smelled when she hugged me, or how she used to
sing to us or that she used to do my hair like hers. As the phone
calls dwindled I forgot how beautiful her voice was.
It only took me two more years to get people
to stop comparing me to her because I saw her every time I looked
in the mirror. At six years old I knew my mommy wasn't coming back
and I was alone. This was that kind of pain, dull and lingering.
Pulling my emotions into a black hole. At a young age I had turned
my back on my emotions because they were too hard to deal with. How
do you ever get over the fact that your mommy didn't love you
enough to take care of you? From that day on the word love was
meaningless to me.
I sat there on the floor with my knees
pulled up close against my chest with a bottle of Hennessy and
listened to Jill Scott's Hear My Call as I stared out at the Hudson
River and let
His disposition changed visibly but he still
questioned me. "So, he's just a guy who wants to be your guy?"
I like his sense of humor.
"I plead the fifth."
"I'm sure," He replied with a chuckle.
"So what about you? Are you single?" I
asked.
"Unequivocally so," he replied.
"Unequivocally," I said mocking his emphatic
answer. "And why is that? You have got to be one of the most
eligible bachelors in the entire city."
John narrowed his eyes at my sarcasm before
shrugging it off.
"I guess it's just not at the top of my list
of priorities right now," he explained.
"Oh boy... Don't tell me you're one of those
'I don't do relationships' types," I said with a heavy roll of my
eyes.
"No. I do relationships. I'm just not doing
one right now. Trust me, I have my reasons."
Before I could get into it any further, the
server stopped by our table with the bill. John snatched it up
before I could even suggest that we split it. And, I couldn't wait
to get home and call Drew back, even though I hated to cut lunch
short with John. I had the feeling he wanted to spend more time
with me, but the uncharacteristic tone of my brother's voice kept
gnawing at me, so I promised him lunch on Monday. After I got home,
I kicked off my shoes and immediately pulled out my phone.
He answered on the first ring.
"Jade, you are not ready for this shit here,
trust me. I want to tell you, but I have this voice in my ear that
says "Don't tell her, Bro" then the other voice says "Please, do
not listen to that other voice". So since it's two against one I
gotta tell you."
Even in the midst of delivering bad news he
could somehow manage to make me laugh. "Just get it over with
already. Please!" I threw myself onto the couch and swung my legs
up over the armrest.
"All right. So last night I'm hanging out at
Mangos. Right?"
I smirked. "But you hate Mangos."
"You're right. I know, but it was for my
coworker's birthday. So I'm there and I'm having a contest with
Henderson trying to find a girl with real tits that was really a
girl."
"OK..."
"So I find a pair-I mean a chick and I'm
like 'Yeah I win.'"
"Congratulations."
"But then I take a better look at baby
girl's face."
"To make sure she's really a girl
right?"
"And it's Colleen."
I laughed hysterically because Drew had had
a crush on Colleen since the first day he laid eyes on her. I
noticed that he wasn't laughing with me.
"Well, it's not so much that it was her, but
more what she was doing and who she was with."
"Oh boy... Who was it?" I was becoming
impatient.
"It was Evan."
Radio Silence.
Poor Andrew sounded more devastated than I
did, but his reaction was more due to the fact that he didn't know
how I was going to handle this and he wasn't able to be here for
me. And even though he was absolutely right I consoled him enough
to get off of the phone so that I could face my feelings the way
that I did best.
Alone.
Andrew was only a baby when our mother
decided she didn't want to be our mother anymore. It took a year
for me to give up on my dreams of her coming back to us and decide
to forget how she smelled when she hugged me, or how she used to
sing to us or that she used to do my hair like hers. As the phone
calls dwindled I forgot how beautiful her voice was.
It only took me two more years to get people
to stop comparing me to her because I saw her every time I looked
in the mirror. At six years old I knew my mommy wasn't coming back
and I was alone. This was that kind of pain, dull and lingering.
Pulling my emotions into a black hole. At a young age I had turned
my back on my emotions because they were too hard to deal with. How
do you ever get over the fact that your mommy didn't love you
enough to take care of you? From that day on the word love was
meaningless to me.
I sat there on the floor with my knees
pulled up close against my chest with a bottle of Hennessy and
listened to Jill Scott's Hear My Call as I stared out at the Hudson
River and let
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