mansion with its curving stairways, breezy porches, and golden ceilings.An elaborate playhouse for the girls was outfitted far better than the houses in which Alan and I grew up. We put in lakes, outdoor fireplaces, gazebos, a white-sand beach, bridges, and waterfalls. There was a two-mile dirt racetrack for dune buggies and a grass runway for Alanâs little red plane that he liked to fly now and then. The only thing we could not outbuild on the property was a natural wonder: a massive five-hundred-year-old oak tree, its roots sunk deep into the rich soil next to the winding river.
We called our estate âSweetbriar.â And as our enormous, stately home took shape, we met with designers to choose furniture, fabrics, custom chandeliers, intricate Italian tile, and exquisite carpentry for its interiors. Alan had a vision for every detail, down to the exact shade of gilt paint in the vaulted ceilings. Just as in his songwriting and performing life, his creativity and energy seemed boundless. Everything he touched turned to gold.
Baby Number Three
We moved in to our new home just six weeks before our third baby was due. Her nursery was fit for a princess. Mattie and Ali had waited eagerly for her arrival, not understanding why we couldnât just go to the hospital and get their baby sister out of Mommyâs tummy. Once I did go into labor, Alan and I didnât waste any time before we headed to the hospital, remembering that we had almost waited too late with Ali. Still, we were at the hospital less than two hours before Dani Grace was born. (She was named Dani in honor of my daddy and my twin brother. ) She was so beautiful, a perfect blessing. Surprisingly, she was exactly the same birth weight and height as Mattie had been.
Out of concern for our privacy, the hospital had decided to put up a temporary wall at the end of our hall so that no one could find our VIP birthing suite or our new baby. It amazed me how much everything had changed since Mattieâs birth seven years earlier. The hospital was not going to take a chance that we would have any uninvited visitors. In fact, they posted a security guard by the temporary âwallâ with a list of people we were expecting, and only those on the list were escorted back to our hidden suite. We were treated like royalty, not just at the hospital, but wherever we went. I had a fairy-tale life with my celebrity husband and my three beautiful daughtersâone that I could not have imagined back when I was a young girl in Newnan, Georgia.
But then, when Dani was only three months old, a new surprise came from Alan. This surprise was not as welcome as the many he had given me over the long course of our marriage: he told me he was moving out.
Chapter 13
WHEN DREAMS DIE
Where did we go wrong
I wish I knew
It haunts me all the time
Now wherever I go and
Whatever I do
Youâre always on my mind
So tonight if you turn your radio on
You might hear a sad, sad song
About someone who lost everything they had
It may sound like me
But Iâm a little bluer than that
Mark Irwin and Irene Kelley,
âA Little Bluer Than Thatâ
I stared at Alan. We were sitting in our huge bedroom suite beside the fireplace.
âDenise, I just canât go on like this,â he said. âI just donât know how we can make it right. Iâm not sure our relationship will ever be what it should be. Thatâs not fair to either of us.â
He was saying some of the same things heâd brought up periodically over the course of our marriage. He wasnât happy. We had married so young; were we really the best for each other? Or were we just stuck in a rut that we didnât know how to get out of? But then he added something heâd never said before.
âWe need to separate. Iâll be here for Christmas, for the girls, and then Iâm going to the lake.â
My stomach flipped. He was serious enough about this to move out of
We called our estate âSweetbriar.â And as our enormous, stately home took shape, we met with designers to choose furniture, fabrics, custom chandeliers, intricate Italian tile, and exquisite carpentry for its interiors. Alan had a vision for every detail, down to the exact shade of gilt paint in the vaulted ceilings. Just as in his songwriting and performing life, his creativity and energy seemed boundless. Everything he touched turned to gold.
Baby Number Three
We moved in to our new home just six weeks before our third baby was due. Her nursery was fit for a princess. Mattie and Ali had waited eagerly for her arrival, not understanding why we couldnât just go to the hospital and get their baby sister out of Mommyâs tummy. Once I did go into labor, Alan and I didnât waste any time before we headed to the hospital, remembering that we had almost waited too late with Ali. Still, we were at the hospital less than two hours before Dani Grace was born. (She was named Dani in honor of my daddy and my twin brother. ) She was so beautiful, a perfect blessing. Surprisingly, she was exactly the same birth weight and height as Mattie had been.
Out of concern for our privacy, the hospital had decided to put up a temporary wall at the end of our hall so that no one could find our VIP birthing suite or our new baby. It amazed me how much everything had changed since Mattieâs birth seven years earlier. The hospital was not going to take a chance that we would have any uninvited visitors. In fact, they posted a security guard by the temporary âwallâ with a list of people we were expecting, and only those on the list were escorted back to our hidden suite. We were treated like royalty, not just at the hospital, but wherever we went. I had a fairy-tale life with my celebrity husband and my three beautiful daughtersâone that I could not have imagined back when I was a young girl in Newnan, Georgia.
But then, when Dani was only three months old, a new surprise came from Alan. This surprise was not as welcome as the many he had given me over the long course of our marriage: he told me he was moving out.
Chapter 13
WHEN DREAMS DIE
Where did we go wrong
I wish I knew
It haunts me all the time
Now wherever I go and
Whatever I do
Youâre always on my mind
So tonight if you turn your radio on
You might hear a sad, sad song
About someone who lost everything they had
It may sound like me
But Iâm a little bluer than that
Mark Irwin and Irene Kelley,
âA Little Bluer Than Thatâ
I stared at Alan. We were sitting in our huge bedroom suite beside the fireplace.
âDenise, I just canât go on like this,â he said. âI just donât know how we can make it right. Iâm not sure our relationship will ever be what it should be. Thatâs not fair to either of us.â
He was saying some of the same things heâd brought up periodically over the course of our marriage. He wasnât happy. We had married so young; were we really the best for each other? Or were we just stuck in a rut that we didnât know how to get out of? But then he added something heâd never said before.
âWe need to separate. Iâll be here for Christmas, for the girls, and then Iâm going to the lake.â
My stomach flipped. He was serious enough about this to move out of
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