share good values—it doesn’t mean that we just hang out with people who feed our ego. But if they also have good values, that means they encourage us toward the goodwill in ourselves. Then it is right and proper to appreciate and love them. The point is that the people who are not so nice to us and who pull us down and create problems for us are also worthy of our love and appreciation and goodwill. In this way we should not make so much distinction. Of course, naturally, you are going to like people who like you, and that’s a bonus. But the important thing is to learn how to like people who don’t like you. That’s a practice.
Q: Sometimes people say very flattering things to me about how I am this or that, and it can make me feel uncomfortable. Sometimes it really seems over the top! And I’m not quite sure what to do in these sorts of situations. Do you have anything to suggest?
JTP: Well, you look at what they say! And you ask yourself, “Is this true?” Well, I mean I have a lot of people saying incredible things about me, and I look at them and I say to myself, “Well, really, is this true?” As far as I can see it is total rubbish. They know and I know it’s not true. This is their very kind and gracious perception; it is their projection. You don’t have to think that this means you actually have these qualities. If you do, well, that’s very nice. But then you can also remember all the things which they are not mentioning which you have to work on. And likewise with criticism. If people criticize you, you can feel very grateful and look at them and say to yourself, “What they are saying about me, is that true? Have I not noticed that?” If it is true, I am very grateful they pointed this out because it is something I can work on. And if it is not true, then what’s the problem? So either way, praise or blame, we can work on it.
Q: I have a question about something you said before—if we meet somebody, then we always look for praise. There might be occasions when this person doesn’t appear to have goodwill and is harming people.
JTP: I didn’t say you should praise them. I said that you should wish them well. Even if they are really horrible people, you should wish them happiness, and especially, the happiness of realizing their true nature. Genuine happiness. Because if they are connected with their true nature which is naturally happy, then they will change and they won’t be horrible people. Maybe inside they have a lot of pain, even if they don’t acknowledge it. People who are genuinely peaceful and happy and settled within themselves are usually not difficult to other people. And so therefore whoever you meet—you wish them well. It’s not that you say, “Oh yeah, you’re fantastic.” Because maybe that person is not at all fantastic; maybe he or she is awful. But your compassion says, “May you be free from suffering; may you be happy.” Your first feeling is a feeling of goodwill, whoever they are.
There is a story of Dudjom Rinpoche when he was in New York. Dudjom Rinpoche was the head of the Nyingma tradition. He was walking along a street, and somebody came up to him with a gun to mug him. Dudjom Rinpoche just looked straight into his eyes as he smiled at him, and bowed. The guy was so freaked out that he dropped his gun and ran! According to Dudjom Rinpoche’s pure perception, he was just acknowledging the light within that person. Dudjom Rinpoche had no fear. And maybe he really transformed the man’s life, who knows?
The point is that we should take everything that we meet in daily life and use it as the path; there is nothing to discard. We can’t rest thinking only good things are worthy of practice while difficult things are obstacles to practice. Difficult things are the practice.
Q: Could you please explain what idiot compassion is?
JTP: This is an expression that comes from Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche. I think he meant a kind of sentimental
Q: Sometimes people say very flattering things to me about how I am this or that, and it can make me feel uncomfortable. Sometimes it really seems over the top! And I’m not quite sure what to do in these sorts of situations. Do you have anything to suggest?
JTP: Well, you look at what they say! And you ask yourself, “Is this true?” Well, I mean I have a lot of people saying incredible things about me, and I look at them and I say to myself, “Well, really, is this true?” As far as I can see it is total rubbish. They know and I know it’s not true. This is their very kind and gracious perception; it is their projection. You don’t have to think that this means you actually have these qualities. If you do, well, that’s very nice. But then you can also remember all the things which they are not mentioning which you have to work on. And likewise with criticism. If people criticize you, you can feel very grateful and look at them and say to yourself, “What they are saying about me, is that true? Have I not noticed that?” If it is true, I am very grateful they pointed this out because it is something I can work on. And if it is not true, then what’s the problem? So either way, praise or blame, we can work on it.
Q: I have a question about something you said before—if we meet somebody, then we always look for praise. There might be occasions when this person doesn’t appear to have goodwill and is harming people.
JTP: I didn’t say you should praise them. I said that you should wish them well. Even if they are really horrible people, you should wish them happiness, and especially, the happiness of realizing their true nature. Genuine happiness. Because if they are connected with their true nature which is naturally happy, then they will change and they won’t be horrible people. Maybe inside they have a lot of pain, even if they don’t acknowledge it. People who are genuinely peaceful and happy and settled within themselves are usually not difficult to other people. And so therefore whoever you meet—you wish them well. It’s not that you say, “Oh yeah, you’re fantastic.” Because maybe that person is not at all fantastic; maybe he or she is awful. But your compassion says, “May you be free from suffering; may you be happy.” Your first feeling is a feeling of goodwill, whoever they are.
There is a story of Dudjom Rinpoche when he was in New York. Dudjom Rinpoche was the head of the Nyingma tradition. He was walking along a street, and somebody came up to him with a gun to mug him. Dudjom Rinpoche just looked straight into his eyes as he smiled at him, and bowed. The guy was so freaked out that he dropped his gun and ran! According to Dudjom Rinpoche’s pure perception, he was just acknowledging the light within that person. Dudjom Rinpoche had no fear. And maybe he really transformed the man’s life, who knows?
The point is that we should take everything that we meet in daily life and use it as the path; there is nothing to discard. We can’t rest thinking only good things are worthy of practice while difficult things are obstacles to practice. Difficult things are the practice.
Q: Could you please explain what idiot compassion is?
JTP: This is an expression that comes from Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche. I think he meant a kind of sentimental
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