International Kittens of Mystery by Chris Dolley Page A

can't look – she has to hide her head in her paws.
    Why? Well, it all started last week when Kai and Xena were sent on their first simulated mission – a ‘first contact’ mission involving large woolly ‘aliens’ from the planet Sheep.

    At first the talks go well. Xena listens intently to the woolly delegate. And wonders where she could get a pair of large yellow earrings like those.

    The talks go so well that, back on planet Kitten, there is dancing in the streets. Mouse tariffs will be lowered and kibbles will be free. Yay!

    But then a gang of young, over-enthusiastic woollies with protectionist leanings (aka baa-aad lambs) get wind of the secret negotiations. They overhear what’s being said and...

    ...gatecrash the meeting – at speed – sending the Kitten delegation (off camera) racing for the nearest tree.
It's a large tree. Kai is the black shape in the lower circle and Xena is the camouflaged kitten in the tree’s troposphere. A large woolly alien looks on from below.
    Finally, an explanation of the first picture. Coming back from the negotiations, Kai decided to celebrate his tree-climbing prowess by tucking into the specially prepared meal he found on top of the fridge.
    Unfortunately the sustenance found was neither specially prepared nor a meal. It was chicken fat cooling off in a foil container before being thrown out. Kai, a kitten of the messy eater persuasion, managed to coat his chest, stomach, and front legs in gooey fat.
    First contact with the shower spray swiftly ensued – in which there was much struggling, much clawing, some spilt blood (all of it from the trainers) and much water. Ten minutes with the hair drier restored Kai and his fur to his previous lustrous state.
    It’s a hard life as an International Kitten of Mystery.

Seven: Counter Mouse Insurgency
    It’s a big day at Training Camp Alpha. Kai and Xena have passed out. Not in an unconscious way but in a ‘they’ve passed their exams. Three purrs for the kitties!’ kind of way.
    They are both now operational and ready to be sent on their first mission.
    The call comes in just before lunch. Enemy mice, for there are no other kind, have been sighted holding illegal gatherings under a cupboard. Homeland Security immediately issues a brown (mouse) alert. The price of cheese skyrockets.
    With the world’s newsreaders climbing onto chairs and screaming, Kai and Xena race to their Wickerbowls. Will they be in time to save the world?
    The humans seal off the building but are too terrified to enter. SWAT teams stand on benches outside attempting to secure their trousers, for it is well known that mice like to immobilize their human foe by running up the nearest trouser leg.
    Kai and Xena beam inside the building knowing the fate of the cheese-eating world rests upon their small furry shoulders.

    Here they are. They’ve located the cupboard. Taken a quick look...

    Having sized up both the situation and her shoulders, Xena decides to cover the side entrance. Kai having sized up very little, prefers the direct approach. No exceedingly small gap can defeat a kitten with determination.

    Two dislocated shoulders later, Kai squeezes where no international kitten of mystery has ever squeezed before. Or ever will again, thinks Kai.
    The insurgent mice – those that haven't been squashed or wedged up against their terrorist cheese-tasting manuals – run for the side entrance only to find it covered by Xena.
    "You’ll never take us alive!" screams the mouse leader.
    "I waz not intending to," says Xena.

    Ten minutes later, his job done, agent Kai tries to squeeze back out.
    But for some reason, maybe food related (never substantiated – ed), he’s a tad larger than he was when he went in.
    Five minutes later the International Kitten of Mystery extraction team arrives with an extra large tub of grease.

Eight: The New Intake – Tribbles!
    Now that Kai and Xena are