I’m not. There’s so much between us; I can sense it, the weight of it. It’s in every look, every nuance of his expressions. I know them well—bone deep, I know them. This is the smile he uses when he’s hurt and doesn’t want me to know. I don’t know how I know that, I just do. “You were called for another assignment and you went to discuss it alone.”
“My going alone, is that unusual?” I probe.
“I always go with you,” he replies. “Russell is often there as well, but I’m always by your side.”
“As my guardian angel?”
“Yes—as your partner for missions, but this time when you met, I wasn’t invited to the discussion.”
“I must have told you what it was about—”
“You said that this was it for you—this was going to be your final mission. You wanted to be with me forever. Just me,” he explains, but then he frowns.
I read his look. “You didn’t believe me—”
He turns away from me. “Of course I believed you. You loved me as much as I loved you.”
“But there was something more,” I assess.
“You had a look,” he admits, his shoulders caving in a little.
“What look?”
“The sacrifice-your-soul look,” he replies. “I know it well. I’ve seen you wear it often.”
“What reason would I have to sacrifice my soul?” I wonder aloud. “Revenge? Emil was sadistic. Do you think I’d come back for revenge?”
He shakes is head. “You’re not vengeful, you’re forgiving. Can you think of another reason?” he asks me, probing my memory.
“I don’t know,” I mutter. I put my hands to my temples, trying to see inside my mind for the answer that eludes me.
“Emil is endowed with power like I’ve never seen until you—until now. Why was he granted such power? What happened between you and Emil in those last hours that would entitle him to acquire so much power?”
“I don’t understand,” I murmur. “Are you saying I did something wrong on my last mission?”
His jaw eases for a moment as he scans my eyes. He shakes his head and says quietly, “No, there’s nothing you could’ve done to have given the Fallen the ability to bestow such power on him. It couldn’t have been you—”
I bound out of my bed and pace the room in agitation. “Then what could’ve gone wrong?”
“I don’t know,” he admits, equally frustrated. “What I do know is it’s Emil’s soul who’s back. He has deadly powers, and we have to make him cease to be. Annihilate his soul so that it can never return.”
“Is that possible?”
“Not without your help. I thought that I could do it alone, but after what he showed us today, I’ll need you. You were remade for just this purpose. A special killer.”
“If I’m a killer, why was I given a conscience?”
His eyes darken with a grim shadow. “So you won’t fail.”
I feel as if he’s burying me alive. “I need to talk to Reed.” Anguish and fear at the discovery that I’m here to kill Emil is doing bad things to me.
Xavier is by my side, pulling me into his arms. “Breathe,” he murmurs in my ear as he rubs my back. “You can do this. You’ve trained for it in every one of your past lifetimes.”
“I’m terrified of Emil! He’s a freaking monster!”
“You never back down from monsters, Evie. Never.”
In a daze, I rest my cheek against his sculpted chest. “Emil is the same as me, isn’t he? A half-breed, right?”
“Yes, but I don’t know what his range of abilities are...however, I didn’t like what I saw a few hours ago.”
“He can annihilate my soul, too, can’t he? I could cease to be.”
“That won’t happen. I won’t let it,” Xavier promises.
I lift my cheek from him, looking up into his eyes. “How will you stop it? Emil has been waiting for me for a long time now, hasn’t he? He knew I was coming back. It was preordained.”
Xavier gives me a solemn nod. “I don’t know how much he knows. We began by hiding you here,” Xavier looks around my bedroom,
“My going alone, is that unusual?” I probe.
“I always go with you,” he replies. “Russell is often there as well, but I’m always by your side.”
“As my guardian angel?”
“Yes—as your partner for missions, but this time when you met, I wasn’t invited to the discussion.”
“I must have told you what it was about—”
“You said that this was it for you—this was going to be your final mission. You wanted to be with me forever. Just me,” he explains, but then he frowns.
I read his look. “You didn’t believe me—”
He turns away from me. “Of course I believed you. You loved me as much as I loved you.”
“But there was something more,” I assess.
“You had a look,” he admits, his shoulders caving in a little.
“What look?”
“The sacrifice-your-soul look,” he replies. “I know it well. I’ve seen you wear it often.”
“What reason would I have to sacrifice my soul?” I wonder aloud. “Revenge? Emil was sadistic. Do you think I’d come back for revenge?”
He shakes is head. “You’re not vengeful, you’re forgiving. Can you think of another reason?” he asks me, probing my memory.
“I don’t know,” I mutter. I put my hands to my temples, trying to see inside my mind for the answer that eludes me.
“Emil is endowed with power like I’ve never seen until you—until now. Why was he granted such power? What happened between you and Emil in those last hours that would entitle him to acquire so much power?”
“I don’t understand,” I murmur. “Are you saying I did something wrong on my last mission?”
His jaw eases for a moment as he scans my eyes. He shakes his head and says quietly, “No, there’s nothing you could’ve done to have given the Fallen the ability to bestow such power on him. It couldn’t have been you—”
I bound out of my bed and pace the room in agitation. “Then what could’ve gone wrong?”
“I don’t know,” he admits, equally frustrated. “What I do know is it’s Emil’s soul who’s back. He has deadly powers, and we have to make him cease to be. Annihilate his soul so that it can never return.”
“Is that possible?”
“Not without your help. I thought that I could do it alone, but after what he showed us today, I’ll need you. You were remade for just this purpose. A special killer.”
“If I’m a killer, why was I given a conscience?”
His eyes darken with a grim shadow. “So you won’t fail.”
I feel as if he’s burying me alive. “I need to talk to Reed.” Anguish and fear at the discovery that I’m here to kill Emil is doing bad things to me.
Xavier is by my side, pulling me into his arms. “Breathe,” he murmurs in my ear as he rubs my back. “You can do this. You’ve trained for it in every one of your past lifetimes.”
“I’m terrified of Emil! He’s a freaking monster!”
“You never back down from monsters, Evie. Never.”
In a daze, I rest my cheek against his sculpted chest. “Emil is the same as me, isn’t he? A half-breed, right?”
“Yes, but I don’t know what his range of abilities are...however, I didn’t like what I saw a few hours ago.”
“He can annihilate my soul, too, can’t he? I could cease to be.”
“That won’t happen. I won’t let it,” Xavier promises.
I lift my cheek from him, looking up into his eyes. “How will you stop it? Emil has been waiting for me for a long time now, hasn’t he? He knew I was coming back. It was preordained.”
Xavier gives me a solemn nod. “I don’t know how much he knows. We began by hiding you here,” Xavier looks around my bedroom,
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