came, I got up and went to work; forced myself through the motions. My best friend Lexi pulled me out to the country club—tried to get me back among the living. She included me in everything, and I felt like the eternal third wheel between her and her boyfriend. Again, I went through the motions, but I was always pretending to have fun, so she wouldn’t worry so much about me. But when I was alone, which I tried to be as much as possible, it was your music that slowly brought me back. I’d listen to you constantly, loving the soothing sound of your voice and the way your words told me exactly what I needed to hear.
“In the beginning, it was mostly the sad ones, and the ones that Nick and I listened to together. And of course the ones he played on the guitar and sang with me. But in the past few months, it was especially your song, I’ll Pull You Up . I know the old cliché; that it was like you were singing right to me, but that’s exactly what it was like. I felt your words, and Nick was there pulling me up; or trying to, anyway. Those lyrics were always just what I needed to face the next task, to put on a normal face and deal with the outside world. ‘ When the skies are gray and stormy, I’ll pull you through the clouds, so you can see the sun’s still shining, above the earth’s dark shroud …’ I can’t tell you how many times those words got me out of bed in the mornings. And the last line—‘ I can’t take this journey, and that we’ve always known, but in my heart I know you have the strength to get there on your own? That was the one that finally got me living again.”
He pressed her fingers to his lips and felt his heart go out to her. He knew the feeling of hopelessness when someone you loved was taken from you; knew the grief and how long and hard it was to heal; to wonder why you still deserved to be living when someone you loved couldn’t. He tried to convey that with his eyes, his touch; because he knew it was hard for her to continue. She took a few deep breaths before going on.
“So tonight was about me joining the world again,” she continued. “I had done my mourning; probably way more than I should have, and I knew Nick would be really pissed that I’d taken so much time. He would have wanted me to go on, and to be happy. I chose this night as my ‘getting back into the world’ night. I thought I needed to do it on my own, and I didn’t know where to start.” She looked straight into his eyes. “I’m a complete mess, Dylan. I don’t know how to date anymore, or how to flirt, and I feel so far removed from the single life—I don’t know what people do anymore. So I wanted to be a fly on the wall, to watch people, to see how they reacted to each other. I wanted to be far from my usual hang-outs so I wouldn’t run into anyone I knew—I didn’t want to be social, I just wanted to be part of something social, do you know what I mean?”
Dylan nodded and squeezed her hand to show he understood, his eyes never leaving hers. He knew exactly what she meant—it was precisely what he himself had been after tonight.
“I was afraid to come here—to be with all the other people who loved Nick. I was afraid it would make me feel sad again, make me feel the hole where he used to be, and make me forget to move on. I wouldn’t have come if it weren’t for you, and I would have regretted it so much tomorrow if I had missed it; if I’d let these people down. So, once again, you saved me. That makes three times now.”
“You saved yourself, Tia. It was always you. You are strong; I can see that in you. And I do know what you’re going through. You lose a part of yourself when you lose someone you love. It must have been horrible for you, this past year.”
“So many parts of it seem like they never even happened. I
“In the beginning, it was mostly the sad ones, and the ones that Nick and I listened to together. And of course the ones he played on the guitar and sang with me. But in the past few months, it was especially your song, I’ll Pull You Up . I know the old cliché; that it was like you were singing right to me, but that’s exactly what it was like. I felt your words, and Nick was there pulling me up; or trying to, anyway. Those lyrics were always just what I needed to face the next task, to put on a normal face and deal with the outside world. ‘ When the skies are gray and stormy, I’ll pull you through the clouds, so you can see the sun’s still shining, above the earth’s dark shroud …’ I can’t tell you how many times those words got me out of bed in the mornings. And the last line—‘ I can’t take this journey, and that we’ve always known, but in my heart I know you have the strength to get there on your own? That was the one that finally got me living again.”
He pressed her fingers to his lips and felt his heart go out to her. He knew the feeling of hopelessness when someone you loved was taken from you; knew the grief and how long and hard it was to heal; to wonder why you still deserved to be living when someone you loved couldn’t. He tried to convey that with his eyes, his touch; because he knew it was hard for her to continue. She took a few deep breaths before going on.
“So tonight was about me joining the world again,” she continued. “I had done my mourning; probably way more than I should have, and I knew Nick would be really pissed that I’d taken so much time. He would have wanted me to go on, and to be happy. I chose this night as my ‘getting back into the world’ night. I thought I needed to do it on my own, and I didn’t know where to start.” She looked straight into his eyes. “I’m a complete mess, Dylan. I don’t know how to date anymore, or how to flirt, and I feel so far removed from the single life—I don’t know what people do anymore. So I wanted to be a fly on the wall, to watch people, to see how they reacted to each other. I wanted to be far from my usual hang-outs so I wouldn’t run into anyone I knew—I didn’t want to be social, I just wanted to be part of something social, do you know what I mean?”
Dylan nodded and squeezed her hand to show he understood, his eyes never leaving hers. He knew exactly what she meant—it was precisely what he himself had been after tonight.
“I was afraid to come here—to be with all the other people who loved Nick. I was afraid it would make me feel sad again, make me feel the hole where he used to be, and make me forget to move on. I wouldn’t have come if it weren’t for you, and I would have regretted it so much tomorrow if I had missed it; if I’d let these people down. So, once again, you saved me. That makes three times now.”
“You saved yourself, Tia. It was always you. You are strong; I can see that in you. And I do know what you’re going through. You lose a part of yourself when you lose someone you love. It must have been horrible for you, this past year.”
“So many parts of it seem like they never even happened. I
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