moments, when that great wolf came toward me, after it finished with Rathgart, when I was sure I was done for.
‘ But all it did was sniff my hand and get me to stroke its head. Then it nudged me into the woods to that cave. It cuddled up close to keep warm, I suppose, although I think it was warm enough. I was the one who needed the heat, so I am not complaining, although I must smell terrible.’ She was rambling, she knew, but couldn’t bring herself to stop. ‘I do not know what would have happened if it had not stood in the road, making the carriage stop. Or if Rathgart had managed to shoot it. I thought he had shot me when the blast went off. But then I saw that the carriage was leaving and the wolf was tossing Rathgart around like a toy. I was sure I was going to be next. How could a wild creature be so vicious one minute and so tame the next?’
‘I do not know, Dee. But I am glad he was,’ Phil said softly.
‘I am not sure if it was male or female. I thought it was male, but it was so gentle I decided it had to be female. I wonder what happened to it?’
‘Hunting , probably. Do not worry about that now. You are safe. That is all that matters. And now you do not have a mad man to worry about.’
For a moment , Fidelia considered the other mad man in her life. Jasper. The man who had manhandled her and treated her so poorly one minute, then made passionate love to her in what felt like the next. But of course, there had been a day between those events. Yet, in the end, it was the pain she remembered from their time together: pain of rejection, confusion, and from something she could not properly name – Unrequited love? Was that the feeling? Having never experienced it, she had no idea. But she had read about it, and her reactions did seem similar.
But how could it be unrequited love whe n she had only just met the man? They barely shared more than a few sentences of conversation between them. More like it was unrequited lust. The man had aroused feelings in her that were new and tantalizing, and she had wanted more of them. But he had turned from her and told her to go, to leave Harrogate and get as far away from him as possible. And her new colourful life had suddenly turned grey.
Her heart hurt at the memory.
By late that afternoon, Fidelia was once more ensconced in her room at the private hotel in Harrogate with the fussing Maude her constant shadow. Over and over again Phil reassured Maude that Fidelia was now safe, and that in the morning she was to bring her mistress out to the Keep where she would be even safer. But Maude continued to fret.
‘But Jasper told me to go away. He will be mort ified to have me underfoot,’ Fidelia said, even though the idea of going back to London so soon was the last thing she wanted to do.
‘It is not Jasper’s right to tell you to go or stay. You are my friend and I want you to stay with me for a few weeks, just until all this unpleasantness has faded. It seems that you have been beset with disasters in the last month or so. You do not deserve it. And I am going to do all that is in my power to try to make it up to you somehow.’
Fidela smiled in defeat. She liked it when Phil became bossy and protective like this. It took her decisions from her and she could feel like a cossetted child once more. But, as she sat staring out at the white scene from the window of her rooms, she knew that being treated like a child was not what she really wanted anymore. She was an adult, a widow who had for a few short years, had the responsibility of children. Even though she had been kidnapped, she managed to survive. With the help of a beast, her conscience reminded her. Still, she had stood up to a great deal more than she ever thought she could. So it was time to rethink her assumptions about herself.
For one thing, thanks to Jasper, she had discovered that she was capable of “Grand Passion”. Even if that passion ended up hurting her greatly, she still discovered
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