back and went to the kitchen where I could hear Ryan typing.
“Did Bécquer come?” I asked him, trying and failing to sound casual.
“No,” Ryan said, his eyes never leaving the screen of the laptop set before his bowl of cereal. “Matt did. He brought back your things and my check for last night.”
“Are you going to accept it?”
“Why not?”
“Because you didn’t play.” And the check is incredibly generous , I thought, but didn’t say for I couldn’t admit to having opened his correspondence.
“It wasn’t my fault,” Ryan said, crunching his cereal loudly. He swallowed. “Besides, Bécquer will be offended if I don’t.”
Something in the way he said Bécquer’s name, a note of respect and trust I had heard only rarely in the voice of my students over my many years of teaching, warned me Ryan would not take well to my request to stay away from Bécquer. Yet, I had to ask.
Ryan stopped his typing and met my stare. “Stay away from Bécquer? Why should I?”
“Because … ” Why indeed? Apart from the fact that Bécquer was immortal and could lose control and kill him without even trying, or that Beatriz had kidnapped him the previous night and could do it again, I had no reason. No reason at all to keep him from seeing Bécquer. And my real reasons I couldn’t share.
“Please, Ryan. Do as I say,” I finished lamely. “You don’t understand but — ”
“No, Mom. It’s you who doesn’t understand.” Ryan’s voice had the steel determination that over the years I had learned to recognize as the beginning of an impossible-to-win battle of wills.
“Listen to me, Ryan. You don’t know Bécquer. He — ”
“You’re wrong, Mom. I do know him. Bécquer is cool. He saved my life.”
“Yes. I was there last night, remember?”
“I’m not talking about last night.”
“What do you mean?”
“Forget it.”
“Ryan. If you don’t tell me, I’ll ask him.”
“Oh, so it’s all right for you to talk to Bécquer, but not for me?”
“Don’t change the subject. What do you mean when you say he saved your life?”
“It’s no big deal. I OD’ed once, and he took me to the hospital.”
I dropped on a chair by his side, for my knees felt like rubber and I would have fallen otherwise. “You were using drugs in his house?” I asked in a voice so high-pitched I barely recognized it.
“No. Of course not. He wasn’t with me when I used. I was hanging out with friends.”
“Where?”
“What does it matter where? It was a party. I don’t know how it happened. I don’t remember much. I was high. We all were, I guess. The next thing I remember I was at the ER. And the doctor said I had OD’ed. And Bécquer was there. He was the one who took me to the hospital. He asked me not to tell you.”
“Great. And since when do you do what strangers ask?”
“Bécquer is not a stranger.”
“No, of course not. You have known him for how long? Five seconds?”
“He took me to NA meetings,” Ryan said, ignoring my sarcasm. “I thought you’d appreciate that.”
“He took you to … Why did you never tell me?”
“You never asked.”
I stopped arguing. I knew when I was beaten. Which was about every time I had had an argument with him since he turned five.
I got up and poured myself a cup of coffee. Caffeine was the last thing I needed at the moment, but I was not thinking straight. What other things was I not aware of that Bécquer had done for my son? Was Ryan moving in with him the previous night? Had Bécquer agreed to that, or was Ryan crashing with Matt? Probably, I would never know. I returned his duffel bag to his closet while he was sleeping and put his clothes back in the drawers. My guess was he had not noticed.
“Don’t worry,” Ryan said when I returned to the table. “I have so much homework, I won’t have time to practice with the band, so I won’t be seeing Bécquer for a while in any case.”
“You never told me you were in a
“Did Bécquer come?” I asked him, trying and failing to sound casual.
“No,” Ryan said, his eyes never leaving the screen of the laptop set before his bowl of cereal. “Matt did. He brought back your things and my check for last night.”
“Are you going to accept it?”
“Why not?”
“Because you didn’t play.” And the check is incredibly generous , I thought, but didn’t say for I couldn’t admit to having opened his correspondence.
“It wasn’t my fault,” Ryan said, crunching his cereal loudly. He swallowed. “Besides, Bécquer will be offended if I don’t.”
Something in the way he said Bécquer’s name, a note of respect and trust I had heard only rarely in the voice of my students over my many years of teaching, warned me Ryan would not take well to my request to stay away from Bécquer. Yet, I had to ask.
Ryan stopped his typing and met my stare. “Stay away from Bécquer? Why should I?”
“Because … ” Why indeed? Apart from the fact that Bécquer was immortal and could lose control and kill him without even trying, or that Beatriz had kidnapped him the previous night and could do it again, I had no reason. No reason at all to keep him from seeing Bécquer. And my real reasons I couldn’t share.
“Please, Ryan. Do as I say,” I finished lamely. “You don’t understand but — ”
“No, Mom. It’s you who doesn’t understand.” Ryan’s voice had the steel determination that over the years I had learned to recognize as the beginning of an impossible-to-win battle of wills.
“Listen to me, Ryan. You don’t know Bécquer. He — ”
“You’re wrong, Mom. I do know him. Bécquer is cool. He saved my life.”
“Yes. I was there last night, remember?”
“I’m not talking about last night.”
“What do you mean?”
“Forget it.”
“Ryan. If you don’t tell me, I’ll ask him.”
“Oh, so it’s all right for you to talk to Bécquer, but not for me?”
“Don’t change the subject. What do you mean when you say he saved your life?”
“It’s no big deal. I OD’ed once, and he took me to the hospital.”
I dropped on a chair by his side, for my knees felt like rubber and I would have fallen otherwise. “You were using drugs in his house?” I asked in a voice so high-pitched I barely recognized it.
“No. Of course not. He wasn’t with me when I used. I was hanging out with friends.”
“Where?”
“What does it matter where? It was a party. I don’t know how it happened. I don’t remember much. I was high. We all were, I guess. The next thing I remember I was at the ER. And the doctor said I had OD’ed. And Bécquer was there. He was the one who took me to the hospital. He asked me not to tell you.”
“Great. And since when do you do what strangers ask?”
“Bécquer is not a stranger.”
“No, of course not. You have known him for how long? Five seconds?”
“He took me to NA meetings,” Ryan said, ignoring my sarcasm. “I thought you’d appreciate that.”
“He took you to … Why did you never tell me?”
“You never asked.”
I stopped arguing. I knew when I was beaten. Which was about every time I had had an argument with him since he turned five.
I got up and poured myself a cup of coffee. Caffeine was the last thing I needed at the moment, but I was not thinking straight. What other things was I not aware of that Bécquer had done for my son? Was Ryan moving in with him the previous night? Had Bécquer agreed to that, or was Ryan crashing with Matt? Probably, I would never know. I returned his duffel bag to his closet while he was sleeping and put his clothes back in the drawers. My guess was he had not noticed.
“Don’t worry,” Ryan said when I returned to the table. “I have so much homework, I won’t have time to practice with the band, so I won’t be seeing Bécquer for a while in any case.”
“You never told me you were in a
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