JESSICA
I’m stunned. “I was making a joke!”
Amber looks at me like she’s never seen
stupid up this close. “Yeah, because those are going really well tonight.”
Ouch. My stomach twists hard. Both my best
friends are pissed as hell at me. It’s not my fault Nicole shot her tongue down
Michael’s throat. It’s not my fault she told Mark goodbye. She didn’t have to
do that! She could have gone off with him that night, if she really wanted to.
She’s a grown woman – she can do what she wants. She made the choice!
But I know I’m lying to myself.
I know this is really all my fault. I know I
didn’t give her a choice with Mark. Not really. And I may have acted – I
can’t say for sure – like a crazy child, but who wouldn’t do the same if
they saw their best friend with a man they’d had inside them less than two
months ago? That was not a recipe for rational behavior. Give me a fucking
break! Am I right?!!
I know all too well what Nicole is feeling
– she’s engulfed in desperate helplessness. I know it because I was
heart-shattered, too. I know exactly what it feels like to grab for anything that will make the pain go away.
Hell, that’s how I met Mark! I was just lucky it was Mark on the other end of
that sex ad and not some psychopath.
But Nicole? Not so lucky. And all because of
me. Dammit! Confessing I know this is my fault… to Amber? Well that just ain’t
gonna happen. I bite my tongue and turn back just as Nicole breaks away from
the most primal kiss I’ve ever seen.
NICOLE
Without warning I shove him away from me,
hard. Both of us struggling to catch our breath, we stare at each other,
“Let’s get out of here,” Michael grunts.
Without waiting for an answer, he turns and hails a cab. “Taxi!”
My head turns. I can feel them watching us.
I lock eyes with Amber, then Jess. They’re watching from where they stand in
front of Ella’s door. They’re not happy. Who cares? They both have someone. I
get to try, don’t I?
This is all I have.
“C’mon,” Michael roughly takes my hand. He
throws a look in the direction of my glance and sees my girls staring at him.
“C’mon,” he says again. I hold their looks as Michael impatiently guides me
into the car like he’s afraid they’ll stop us. Like we have to hurry or it’ll
be too late and this chance will have passed him forever. I break eye contact
with Jess as I climb into the back seat. Michael closes the door and goes
around to get in the other side. He slides in and tells the driver the address
of his studio. My heart twists at the familiar numbers, numbers that used to
fuel my obsession. The cab jerks forward and my body sways. We drive by Amber
and Jess, but I don’t look at them. I dip my head away and into the nook of his
arm.
Some men smell good. Michael smells like
sex. I breathe him in deeply. After all this time, we’re finally going to have
sex. I close my eyes to defend myself against the barrage of guilt, confusion
and shame. My heart is beating so fast, it’s hurting. I want this. I want this.
I want this. I want this. I want this. I want this.
Why do I have to keep telling myself that…
JESSICA
As the cab passes us, I take a halting step
toward it. I almost yell, don’t! I’m
sorry!! But Nicole’s turned away and Michael’s silencing glare stops me
cold.
Amber’s tone is ice water splashing down my
spine. “You have to give Mark up.”
I swing around. “Hey! I don’t own him. This
isn’t my fault!”
Amber explodes. I jump back in surprise as
her arms fly around like a whacko’s. “Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?
YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLE!”
Survival instinct kicks in. I have to defend
myself. “This is so not my fault!”
Her eyes narrow into cloudy-blue, angry
little slits. “JESSICA! What part of YOU
HAVE CHRIS do you not understand?”
Her look is so superior that I want to wring
her pretty little neck. It doesn’t
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