I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell by Tucker Max Page A

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Authors: Tucker Max
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she was kissing me so hard. Fuck it; if she isn't hurt, I'm not going to worry about it.
    Before that day, I thought I was aggressive and dominant in bed. That was before a 5'3" Vietnamese college girl turned me out. She wanted everything and she wanted it hard. I hit it from the front, the back, the side, from underneath, on top, diagonally, every way I thought possible and then learned some new positions. I honestly didn't even think the pile driver was possible for normal people. I was wrong. And no matter what I did, she wanted it harder and faster. So I put my dick in her ass. Not hard enough. I hit harder. And harder. And harder. I hit it so hard I was hurting myself. It got to the point where I was fucking with so much force her booty was clapping like Madison Square Garden, the bed was chipping the paint off the wall, my hips were bruising as they slammed against her ass bones and I was sweating like a migrant worker in a strawberry field, but it still wasn't enough. I fucked her in the ass with so much force it started to bleed. Not much blood, but enough that I had to get new sheets. She didn't care, she just took my cock out, put a new condom on, and threw it in her pussy. Then in her mouth, then back in the ass again when it stopped bleeding.
    Unreal.
    I needed a few more dicks that weekend, because mine was not enough. It got to the point where I had to schedule rest breaks, because she was shredding me. It was emasculating in a way; this little docile girl totally out-fucked me. By the end of the weekend, after we had had sex some ridiculous number of times and my balls were aching and my cock was raw, she was still horny and would go down on my limp penis for like five minutes to get me hard, then she'd mount me and impale herself on my cock like a jackhammer. I think I could have gone to sleep and as long as I stayed hard, I doubt she would have cared. I didn't fuck for like a week after she left I was so tired. My dick was
    raw. That normally only happens when I am black out drunk and try t o jack off (which is a supremely bad idea). I still have scars on my bac k from her nails and rug burn on my knees from two days of violent se x with her .
    She left and I told myself that was it. I couldn't handle another weeken d of that, especially when it appeared that she was just fine . Then I got the email. I still talked to one of her sorority sisters I ha d slept with in Cancun, and like a week later, she sent me this :
    "Do you remember that girl [her name]? The quiet Asian girl in m y sorority? She supposedly went home to visit her parents last week , but the day after she got back she had to go to student health wit h "female problems." Well, she always told us that she's never had sex , and she wouldn't tell us what was wrong, but my friend is a residen t there, and he said that she had impacted bowels AND a urinary trac t infection! Can you believe that? How could that happen if she doesn' t have sex? "
    BITCH, I'LL TELL YOU HOW IT HAPPENED-I AM AWESOME !
    Truthfully though, I can't really take much credit. Whatever damag e was done, she pretty much did to herself. I'm not going to sit here an d write some lie about how big my dick is; it is exactly average for a white guy. I've measured and compared to numerous studies, and n o matter how much I wish it hung to my knees, it sits right on the top o f the bell curve. Her UTI was from going directly from anal to vaginal , which even with a new condom isn't a good idea, and the impacte d bowels ... well, she was a tiny Asian girl. My dick may not be huge , but it is probably bigger than her colon .
    Nevertheless, to whoever is dating that girl now: You are a better ma n than me, and I wish you luck .
    TUCKER GOES TO VEGA S
    Occurred-October 1999 Written-April 2005
    There are certain defining events in every man's life: the first time h e has sex, the first time he gets drunk, the first time he gets in a fight. .. . and his first trip to Vegas .
    During my 2nd

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