How to speak Dragonese by Cressida Cowell Page A
Authors: Cressida Cowell
Tags: Fiction, General, Humorous stories, Children's Books, Action & Adventure, Juvenile Fiction, Action & Adventure - General, Fantasy & Magic, Ages 9-12 Fiction, Children: Grades 4-6, Dragons, Vikings
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Alvin's jaw dropped.
"MY NAME," boomed Hiccup, in a voice he had never used before, "MY NAME IS THOR THE THUNDERER, ANCIENT GOD OF THE VIKING TRIBES!"
The crowd gasped.
"WELL MAY YOU TREMBLE," bellowed Hiccup. "FOR YOU ROMANS HAVE INVADED SACRED VIKING TERRITORIES AND MADE ME MAD ..."
"We're very, very sorry ..." stammered the Fat Consul.
"FOR THIS," boomed Hiccup solemnly, "I HAVE
[Image: Hiccup.]
201
SENT A PLAGUE UPON YOU AS THEIR LEADER ..."
The Consul scratched himself miserably. "AND I SHALL PLAGUE YOU FOREVER UNLESS YOU PROMISE TO GO FROM HERE AND NEVER RETURN."
"We promise," said the Consul. "Here," he sobbed, "I offer you my shield, O Mighty One, as a sign of your protection from the Romans. Never again shall we come this far north."
"I WILL TAKE YOUR SHIELD AS A SIGN OF YOUR PROMISE," cried Hiccup, "AND ALSO THE BOOK YOUR SERVANT STOLE FROM ME ... OH, AND ONE MORE THING ..."
"Anything, anything," pleaded the Consul. "I EXPECT YOU TO BE A STRICT VEGETARIAN FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE."
The god-like Hiccup flew toward the Consul's balcony.
Still on his knees, the Consul offered him the rectangular Roman shield. Alvin put his trembling
202
hand into his breast pocket and found the tattered copy of How to Speak Dragonese, the two halves sewn together carefully with golden Roman thread.
He fumbled to get rid of the booby trap he had placed inside the book. For Alvin was a careful man. He had slipped something very nasty indeed between the pages, a nanodragon called the Venomous Vorpent, so that anybody who tried to steal the book would get a horrible shock. But one does not booby-trap a god, and Alvin was desperately trying to shake out the poisonous nanodragon, when he caught a close-up sight of the shirt Hiccup was wearing...
"Hang on a second ..." said Alvin.
But it was too late.
Hiccup snatched the book from him (still with the Venomous Vorpent inside it, please note), and rose swiftly into the air.
He held the shield victoriously above his head and made his final speech.
"I HOLD THE SHIELD AS A SIGN OF YOUR PROMISE ... BUT IF YOU EVER BREAK THAT PROMISE, YOU CAN TELL YOUR CAESAR THAT THE FORCE OF MY ANGER SHALL REACH INTO
203
THE HEART OF THE EMPIRE AND ROME HERSELF WILL BE SWEPT AWAY BY THE DELUGE ..."
Hiccup pointed his sword at the dam.
Right on cue a couple of cracks appeared.
And the dam split in half and numberless tons of seawater burst into the stadium.
[Image: Men.]
204
21. YOU CAN'T KEEP A BOG-BURGLAR UNDER LOCK AND KEY
The spell that Hiccup had cast on the audience was instantly broken.
It was as if they had been sleeping, and had suddenly woken up to the reality that they were about to be swept away by the flood.
Furthermore, everyone had forgotten about the Sharkworms. The metal netting that should have protected the audience had been broken by Hiccup. The Sharkworms were back in the water again, and they were already nearly able to reach the wooden seating.
The audience screamed in terror as one of the Sharkworms leaped upward and was almost among them ... It lost its grip on the slippery edge and fell back into the water -- but the water was rising so quickly it was clearly only a matter of time before it succeeded in getting up to their level.
Suddenly the afternoon's entertainment of "SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST" had taken an
205
interesting twist. The audience who had laughed so heartily at the tables being turned on the greedy Sidewinders didn't seem so amused to find they themselves had become the prey...
They stormed toward the entrance, shoving each other out of the way and screaming for the doors to be opened.
The pressure of the water on the doors caused them to open anyway. They burst apart, and the water poured out and down the hillside.
Fishlegs and Camicazi turned their attention to steering the boat.
The flying Hiccup descended and landed beside them on the deck.
Toothless appeared from nowhere and perched on his shoulder.
"I am lost for words," said
"MY NAME," boomed Hiccup, in a voice he had never used before, "MY NAME IS THOR THE THUNDERER, ANCIENT GOD OF THE VIKING TRIBES!"
The crowd gasped.
"WELL MAY YOU TREMBLE," bellowed Hiccup. "FOR YOU ROMANS HAVE INVADED SACRED VIKING TERRITORIES AND MADE ME MAD ..."
"We're very, very sorry ..." stammered the Fat Consul.
"FOR THIS," boomed Hiccup solemnly, "I HAVE
[Image: Hiccup.]
201
SENT A PLAGUE UPON YOU AS THEIR LEADER ..."
The Consul scratched himself miserably. "AND I SHALL PLAGUE YOU FOREVER UNLESS YOU PROMISE TO GO FROM HERE AND NEVER RETURN."
"We promise," said the Consul. "Here," he sobbed, "I offer you my shield, O Mighty One, as a sign of your protection from the Romans. Never again shall we come this far north."
"I WILL TAKE YOUR SHIELD AS A SIGN OF YOUR PROMISE," cried Hiccup, "AND ALSO THE BOOK YOUR SERVANT STOLE FROM ME ... OH, AND ONE MORE THING ..."
"Anything, anything," pleaded the Consul. "I EXPECT YOU TO BE A STRICT VEGETARIAN FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE."
The god-like Hiccup flew toward the Consul's balcony.
Still on his knees, the Consul offered him the rectangular Roman shield. Alvin put his trembling
202
hand into his breast pocket and found the tattered copy of How to Speak Dragonese, the two halves sewn together carefully with golden Roman thread.
He fumbled to get rid of the booby trap he had placed inside the book. For Alvin was a careful man. He had slipped something very nasty indeed between the pages, a nanodragon called the Venomous Vorpent, so that anybody who tried to steal the book would get a horrible shock. But one does not booby-trap a god, and Alvin was desperately trying to shake out the poisonous nanodragon, when he caught a close-up sight of the shirt Hiccup was wearing...
"Hang on a second ..." said Alvin.
But it was too late.
Hiccup snatched the book from him (still with the Venomous Vorpent inside it, please note), and rose swiftly into the air.
He held the shield victoriously above his head and made his final speech.
"I HOLD THE SHIELD AS A SIGN OF YOUR PROMISE ... BUT IF YOU EVER BREAK THAT PROMISE, YOU CAN TELL YOUR CAESAR THAT THE FORCE OF MY ANGER SHALL REACH INTO
203
THE HEART OF THE EMPIRE AND ROME HERSELF WILL BE SWEPT AWAY BY THE DELUGE ..."
Hiccup pointed his sword at the dam.
Right on cue a couple of cracks appeared.
And the dam split in half and numberless tons of seawater burst into the stadium.
[Image: Men.]
204
21. YOU CAN'T KEEP A BOG-BURGLAR UNDER LOCK AND KEY
The spell that Hiccup had cast on the audience was instantly broken.
It was as if they had been sleeping, and had suddenly woken up to the reality that they were about to be swept away by the flood.
Furthermore, everyone had forgotten about the Sharkworms. The metal netting that should have protected the audience had been broken by Hiccup. The Sharkworms were back in the water again, and they were already nearly able to reach the wooden seating.
The audience screamed in terror as one of the Sharkworms leaped upward and was almost among them ... It lost its grip on the slippery edge and fell back into the water -- but the water was rising so quickly it was clearly only a matter of time before it succeeded in getting up to their level.
Suddenly the afternoon's entertainment of "SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST" had taken an
205
interesting twist. The audience who had laughed so heartily at the tables being turned on the greedy Sidewinders didn't seem so amused to find they themselves had become the prey...
They stormed toward the entrance, shoving each other out of the way and screaming for the doors to be opened.
The pressure of the water on the doors caused them to open anyway. They burst apart, and the water poured out and down the hillside.
Fishlegs and Camicazi turned their attention to steering the boat.
The flying Hiccup descended and landed beside them on the deck.
Toothless appeared from nowhere and perched on his shoulder.
"I am lost for words," said
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