How to Keep Rolling After a Fall by Karole Cozzo Page A

her.
    â€œSeriously, Nikki? Shut. Up. She totally deserves it! She made her bed. It’s only fair that now she has to lie in it.”
    When I didn’t look convinced, she really laid it on thick.
    â€œDon’t you think it’s important that we stand up for Kaitlyn? Taylor totally thinks she can just hook up with Kaitlyn’s boyfriend of last week like that? What about Kaitlyn’s feelings? We’re not doing this to be mean to Taylor—we’re doing this to stand up for our friend. Get a backbone.”
    She coerced me in the name of friendship, and what a joke that turned out to be.
    â€œA lot of us were involved, yes, and I didn’t stop her, but in terms of who actually pulled the trigger … it was Haley.”
    â€œWhy didn’t you tell anyone?” he asks, incredulous.
    I don’t answer at first because the irony is actually embarrassing. “I wasn’t going to rat out a friend like that. Then later, after everyone was perfectly willing to point the finger at me, I tried to tell my parents. But they were so upset—mortified and furious and shocked—they weren’t interested in hearing excuses, which is what they thought it was.” I shake my head. “Eventually I stopped bothering. Wouldn’t have ended up changing anything for me, anyway. As long as Haley wouldn’t admit what she did, it was her story against mine. And ultimately it was my Facebook account.”
    I was so stupid.
    And I feel stupid about being so stupid. Every day.
    I hang my head, hands on both sides of the brim of my hat. Acknowledging it out loud was harder than I thought, and I’m shaken.
    â€œNicole?”
    His voice is soft and gentle, and I bring myself to lift my head. With his index finger, he beckons me closer to his spot on the couch. I scoot closer, until I’m right beside him.
    Pax stares at me for a minute, then reaches up and slowly pulls the hat off my head. “Take off that stupid hat,” he murmurs. His eyes hold mine—they’re alight with a frustration that borders on anger. He sets down the hat, reaches up, and gently touches one side of my face. His hand lingers there, cupping my jaw. “You have no reason to hide your face away. Certainly not with me.”
    Unexpected tears fill my eyes.
    The community at large, my oldest friends, and even my own parents … they’ve made me hate the sight of my face. I’ve made me hate the sight of my face. And here sits this person who wants to look at me, who makes me feel as if there’s still something worthwhile to be found there.
    My hand finds his, and I lace our fingers together. His eyes tell me it’s okay, so I keep going.
    I close my eyes. I lean forward, ever so slightly, toward him.
    I’m close enough to smell the scent of his soap, to hear the catch in his breathing as my lips come close to his.
    And then I hear him clear his throat.
    â€œNikki … um … I meant what I said, about just wanting to be friends.”
    My eyes snap open. I back up, cheeks on fire. And suddenly I wish I still had my hat on.
    â€œI’m sorry,” I mumble. “I thought…”
    â€œI mean, I like you. A lot. Have from the first day I met you.”
    I finally look at him, saying it with my eyes. Yeah. I know. So why’d you just pull away?
    â€œIf I thought I could be with a girl right now … you’re the girl I’d want to be with, all right? But it’s like … It’s the same way I feel about college. Until I get myself recalibrated, until I’m totally right with my personal situation … it’s not good to get involved with someone.”
    I watch him and decide I don’t believe him. Pax is one of the most well-adjusted people I’ve ever met, chair or no chair. And I didn’t imagine the chemistry between us—I didn’t. I think of how naturally our conversation flows and the