How Not to Date an Alien by Stephanie Burke Page B

her. Those black lips had parted, showing her his dangerous-looking teeth.
    “Humans?” she squeaked, her flight or flight response dissolving as he reached out and ran a finger over her cheek, closing her mouth before his tongue slid out and ran along the side of her face.
    “Tasty,” he purred, his forked tongue snaking back into his mouth.
    And then something poked her in the belly.
    Oh, look, she thought, looking down at the dark erection that swelled and thickened until it was kissing her navel with its slanted head. The taste of me makes him hard. Or is it that it’s suppertime —
    She looked up once more look into those glassy black eyes and then the world, like her consciousness, fled.

Chapter Two
    Gather as much information as you can about your alien. Cultural and societal exchanges are a must for clear and complete understanding… and may provide loopholes for escape if you manage to catch an alien’s attention.
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    When she next opened her eyes, Kilana’s head was no longer pounding. That was a very good thing.
    The bad thing was that soon after she reached a complete state of awareness, she realized that she could not move any of her limbs. That was a bit more than bad, she decided. It was actually kind of scary.
    She tried to lift her head, and was able to, but it was kind of difficult with her limbs spread out and tied to all four corners of the bed.
    She moaned and dropped her head back to some prudently placed pillows and then turned her head to the left. Her heart began to pound, and the bitter taste of fear filled her mouth.
    And of course, there he was, her figment-not-really-a-figment in all his pale, naked glory.
    Really, he was standing there, looking down at her and smiling. His tail of hair wagged behind him, and he leaned forward eagerly, as if waiting for her first words.
    “You — you should put some clothes on.”
    She groaned as the words just slipped out. Did she have a plea for her life or some fancy words that would prevent her from getting eaten? No! She had to comment on his state of undress.
    “Stupid,” she hissed at herself, sighing deeply.
    But all her toes and fingers wiggled, so that meant he wasn’t feasting just yet.
    Who knew that there were actual aliens floating around the city? If she had known, she would have never set foot in that stupid bar. Hell, she never would have stepped foot out of her house.
    “Why are you humans so concerned about the natural state of your bodies?” He threw his hands up as if he were exasperated. “It never ceases to amaze me. Maybe that is why there has never been a successful hunt on your species.” Then his eyes took on an odd glow. “Until now.”
    “So I wasn’t dreaming the hunt part?” She had to keep him talking. Keep him talking, and that would give her time to figure a way out of this before he pulled out a butcher knife and began his lunch in earnest.
    Or used his talons, which scared her worse.
    “No.” He smiled again, those black lips just emphasizing the sharpness of his teeth. “We never make light of the hunt.”
    Hell, how did he chew in the first place? It looked like those choppers would take his tongue clear off. Or maybe that was why his tongue was split.
    “So you’re hunting me?”
    “Have hunted.”
    “So now you’re going to eat me?” She felt tears well up in her eyes at the thought. She had no real family left, just her goofy friends Se and Lena. They would maybe manage to miss her after a few weeks. But it was almost sad that the only thing that really needed her on this planet was her goldfish, and that idiot would not miss her so long as his automatic feeder kept dishing out the flakes.
    “No,” he shook his head up and down.
    “So you are going to eat me?”
    “No.” He nodded again.
    “So why are you saying yes?”
    “I am saying no.” He nodded his head more slowly, as if she were having trouble seeing.
    “You shook your head yes.”
    “Oh!” He smiled wider. “A cultural