How It Feels to Fly by Kathryn Holmes Page B

sure exactly what she did. All I know is that when I came back to myself, she was hugging me. The last person I’d expect to be doing that, aside from Zoe.
    â€œNo problem.” Jenna smooths back a lock of her hair, turns, and walks away.
    Katie keeps talking. “Jenna knew just what to do. Dr. Lancaster was still walking over from the house, and Zoe went running to get her, and then the guys got out of the water, and Andrew was ready to carry you, but Jenna waved him off and, like, cocooned you, and . . . it was intense.”
    I manage a weak smile. “It was intense for me, too.”
    Katie blushes. “Right. I didn’t mean—I’m sorry, we don’t have to talk about it.”
    â€œThanks.” I follow Katie over to the dining table and sit down across from Omar and Dominic. Omar gawks at me, then shuts his mouth so fast that it makes a snapping noise. Dominic is staring at his food like it’s the most fascinating thing in the room.
    â€œLook who it is!” Zoe calls out. She’s sitting way off to the side with Yasmin, like she’s in time-out. “Feel better, Sleeping Beauty?”
    â€œI’m fine,” I say automatically. I spear three elbow macaroni and a cherry tomato and pop the bite into mymouth. Delicious. But I don’t think I can stomach any more. Not when I’m the center of attention like this. I start counting the pieces of pasta and veggies on my plate. Moving items from one pile to another. Separating out the little feta cheese cubes.
    â€œAre we going to talk about what happened?” Zoe says into the awkward silence.
    Dr. Lancaster sits down at the table. “It’s up to Sam.” I’m glad she said that, but I also kind of wish she hadn’t, because now I feel even more in the spotlight.
    Everyone looks at me.
    â€œUm,” I say.
    â€œCome on,” Zoe groans. “You can’t seriously expect us to focus on anything else right now.” She says, slowly and distinctly, “Sam, just say you’re anorexic, or whatever, and we’ll move on with our lives—”
    â€œZoe!” Dr. Lancaster says.
    Zoe doesn’t even pause. “Is it really that big a deal? So you don’t like how you look. You and every other teenaged girl on the planet—”
    Dr. Lancaster pushes her chair back. “My office. Now.”
    â€œMake me.” Zoe grips the seat of her chair like Dr. Lancaster might try to forcibly remove her.
    â€œOkay,” Dr. Lancaster says. “You can stay right where you are. Andrew, Yasmin, would you mind taking the rest of the campers outside to finish lunch on the back porch?”
    We all get up fast, collecting our plates and cups. The last thing I hear as I leave is Zoe’s unrepentant voice: “Yousaid we’re supposed to be opening up to each other about our issues. I’m just trying to speed up the process—”
    Andrew holds the door open for me. “Are you all right?”
    â€œYeah. Thanks.” I sit on the steps next to Katie. Andrew sits on my other side. “I’m not gonna freak out again.” I say that part louder, so everyone on the porch can hear.
    We eat in silence. And I feel the silent seconds tick by. It’s like they’re landing on me. Each moment stings.
    I want the stinging to stop.
    So I finally blurt, “I have panic attacks. The whole thing about people looking at me, that collage I made yesterday—it’s about my body. I gained some weight recently, and I’m . . . I’m . . .” I should have planned out what I was going to say. It would have sounded better than this. But now that I’ve started, I can’t stop. “I’m having a hard time dealing with it. How I look now. So, um, that’s what that was about.”
    Andrew gives my shoulder an encouraging nudge. I sneak a glance his way and he’s smiling. “Good job,” he says under his breath.
    I exhale,