loans, could have worked for my dad—”
“No.” His voice was a whip in the air between them. “That’s what you don’t understand. What none of you understand. I’m not helpless and I’m not a charity case. Besides, I like what I do. It makes me damn proud to say I rescue people and stop terrorists, because not everyone can do it. But I can, Georgie. Me, fucked up Sam McKnight.”
Her heart filled. Sam was driven to succeed, and he’d done it on his own terms. He was still doing it. How could she fault him for that? She’d left Hopeful too and she didn’t much appreciate her family trying to pull her back. “I understand.”
His eyes said he didn’t believe it. “Do you? Or are you just saying that?”
“I’m trying.” She reached for his hand and squeezed it. “Yes, I care about you, and yes, it worries me that you’re in danger. I’d be worried if you were a policeman or a fireman too. And you aren’t fucked up. Or at least no more than the rest of us are.”
“It’s nice of you to say that.”
She laughed. It wanted to turn into a sob but she wouldn’t let it. “I’m not being nice. Trust me, I know fucked up. Just because someone seems to have a perfect life on the outside doesn’t mean they do. My husband cheated on me, lied to me, and left me for another woman. I’d say that’s pretty fucked up.”
Sam sighed and scrubbed a hand over his head. “Yeah, all right, you got me there. We can both be fucked up then.” He nudged his chin at the paper in her hand. “Now how about you read that a few times and let’s see how it sounds.”
* * *
After Georgeanne practiced saying what she needed to tell Jake’s murderer, and Sam seemed satisfied, they fell into silence. He left her and went out into the yard to engage in some kind of workout routine that left her breathless just to watch. He was wearing athletic shorts, nothing else, and breathing deeply while moving through a set of exercises that left his body dripping with sweat.
Georgeanne tried not to ache deep inside, but that was about as fruitless as trying to prevent a dog from eating a plate of bacon left on the floor. She worked a bit, grading the papers she had left, looking over the final exam one more time. It was two days before it had to be administered and she held out a crazy hope this might all be over by then and she’d go back to her usual routine.
Well, except for one thing. She still wanted Sam as a part of her routine. She didn’t know how that would happen, especially since he’d pointed out the obvious conflict between his life and hers. Yes, she had freaked out when her student went missing. And yeah, she’d had half a marriage with Tim for the last couple of years and she wasn’t precisely ready to engage in the kind of relationship with a man where she had no idea where he was or what he was doing.
How would she handle that?
She’d felt a vague uneasiness over Tim’s late nights at work, but she’d told herself it was silly. He was working hard at a new job. Except it wasn’t that at all. Because he’d been working hard all right, giving it to Lindsey until late and then coming home and showering before crashing into bed and starting the whole thing over again the next morning.
Georgeanne bit her lip. God what a fool she’d been. But they’d been arguing so much then and she’d really preferred the quiet time alone when he was supposedly working. When weeks passed without sex, she’d felt relief rather than worry. Just when she started to believe something was wrong, Tim would make love to her and they’d have a blissful few days before everything went sideways again.
She looked at Sam where he still worked out, his muscles bunching and flexing and glowing with sweat. Her core clenched tight. How could she want to leap into a relationship with a man who would give her even less stability than Tim had?
Because she was crazy, that was why. She shook her head and tried to concentrate on her
“No.” His voice was a whip in the air between them. “That’s what you don’t understand. What none of you understand. I’m not helpless and I’m not a charity case. Besides, I like what I do. It makes me damn proud to say I rescue people and stop terrorists, because not everyone can do it. But I can, Georgie. Me, fucked up Sam McKnight.”
Her heart filled. Sam was driven to succeed, and he’d done it on his own terms. He was still doing it. How could she fault him for that? She’d left Hopeful too and she didn’t much appreciate her family trying to pull her back. “I understand.”
His eyes said he didn’t believe it. “Do you? Or are you just saying that?”
“I’m trying.” She reached for his hand and squeezed it. “Yes, I care about you, and yes, it worries me that you’re in danger. I’d be worried if you were a policeman or a fireman too. And you aren’t fucked up. Or at least no more than the rest of us are.”
“It’s nice of you to say that.”
She laughed. It wanted to turn into a sob but she wouldn’t let it. “I’m not being nice. Trust me, I know fucked up. Just because someone seems to have a perfect life on the outside doesn’t mean they do. My husband cheated on me, lied to me, and left me for another woman. I’d say that’s pretty fucked up.”
Sam sighed and scrubbed a hand over his head. “Yeah, all right, you got me there. We can both be fucked up then.” He nudged his chin at the paper in her hand. “Now how about you read that a few times and let’s see how it sounds.”
* * *
After Georgeanne practiced saying what she needed to tell Jake’s murderer, and Sam seemed satisfied, they fell into silence. He left her and went out into the yard to engage in some kind of workout routine that left her breathless just to watch. He was wearing athletic shorts, nothing else, and breathing deeply while moving through a set of exercises that left his body dripping with sweat.
Georgeanne tried not to ache deep inside, but that was about as fruitless as trying to prevent a dog from eating a plate of bacon left on the floor. She worked a bit, grading the papers she had left, looking over the final exam one more time. It was two days before it had to be administered and she held out a crazy hope this might all be over by then and she’d go back to her usual routine.
Well, except for one thing. She still wanted Sam as a part of her routine. She didn’t know how that would happen, especially since he’d pointed out the obvious conflict between his life and hers. Yes, she had freaked out when her student went missing. And yeah, she’d had half a marriage with Tim for the last couple of years and she wasn’t precisely ready to engage in the kind of relationship with a man where she had no idea where he was or what he was doing.
How would she handle that?
She’d felt a vague uneasiness over Tim’s late nights at work, but she’d told herself it was silly. He was working hard at a new job. Except it wasn’t that at all. Because he’d been working hard all right, giving it to Lindsey until late and then coming home and showering before crashing into bed and starting the whole thing over again the next morning.
Georgeanne bit her lip. God what a fool she’d been. But they’d been arguing so much then and she’d really preferred the quiet time alone when he was supposedly working. When weeks passed without sex, she’d felt relief rather than worry. Just when she started to believe something was wrong, Tim would make love to her and they’d have a blissful few days before everything went sideways again.
She looked at Sam where he still worked out, his muscles bunching and flexing and glowing with sweat. Her core clenched tight. How could she want to leap into a relationship with a man who would give her even less stability than Tim had?
Because she was crazy, that was why. She shook her head and tried to concentrate on her
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