knees, and he sits in his chair. They are both talking, explaining, while poor ATHENA sits on one of the broad steps and sleeps, CLIA , her back turned tactfully, has dozed off, too, by the hearth. (The slant of the sunshine coming in through the main entrance has altered; but the shadow has not yet reached the mark that ERYX had scored on the floor.) TELEMACHUS enters, and halts just inside the door, amazed, ULYSSES immediately jumps to his feet, swinging PENELOPE behind him, and draws his dagger as he faces the door, ATHENA is jolted awake.
ULYSSES
(Furious)
Sweet suffering Jupiter! Don’t do that to me, boy! I thought it was one of those bastards sneaking in.
( CLIA is awake, too, now.)
TELEMACHUS
Sorry, Father, I really am.
(He comes forward nervously, and then beams with delight.)
But I’m glad you told Mother who you are.
PENELOPE
I would have probably found out, anyway.
TELEMACHUS
Oh no, you wouldn’t. His disguise was cool, it really was.
ULYSSES
(Sheathes his dagger and smiles)
Well, we shan’t argue about that. Where’s Eumaeus?
TELEMACHUS
Just outside.
(He whistles and EUMAEUS shambles in.)
We did what you told us. We—
ULYSSES
(Quickly)
Good, good. And where is Philetius?
TELEMACHUS
He’ll be out in the stables.
ULYSSES
Bring him here.
TELEMACHUS
Yes, sir!
(He runs into the yard.)
PENELOPE
What on earth was Telemachus trying to say? We did what you told us?
ULYSSES
Oh, they were just helping to strengthen my will power. Well, it’s good to know that Philetius got safely home.
PENELOPE
(Still thinking of TELEMACHUS )
But, darling, what did they—
ULYSSES
The last time I saw him, we were out on a raid together—a night raid on the Trojan camp.
(As he speaks, TELEMACHUS enters with a thin man of about fifty. This is PHILETIUS . He comes to attention when he sees ULYSSES . But ulysses catches him in a rough bear hug.)
Philetius, you old rascal, you old ruffian...
(To the others)
He was the best god-damned sergeant I ever had.
(He thumps PHILETIUS on the back, but he can’t go on speaking.)
TELEMACHUS
Philetius?... And what’s a night raid?
ULYSSES
Just an idea I worked out—and the opposition I got at first from the high brass! Roughly, a night raid was this: we blackened our faces, crawled on our bellies, silenced the sentries, took a couple of prisoners for information. And then, we got the hell out.
(Laughing)
Don’t look so shocked, Telemachus. Isn’t it heroic enough for you? But it’s the way to win a war. All that old-fashioned business of having duels between opposing generals—bah! Nothing was ever decided that way. As soon as a general got killed in a duel, then another officer was promoted to be a general. And of course he wanted to have a duel, too. Big stuff, you know—both armies watching, publicity, applause. It goes to a man’s head, that sort of thing. And the war just never got finished. Now, my idea was to win, to win as thoroughly and quickly as possible, and let the men get home.
(At the last word, he glances quickly over at PENELOPE . He looks embarrassed and rubs his head.)
Yes, yes. Go on! Say it!
PENELOPE
(Smiling a little)
We were out on a night raid, weren’t we?
ULYSSES
(Grinning)
So we were... Actually, we were coming back from a raid. Philetius was covering our withdrawal. He was a good man with a knife—eh, Philetius?
( PHILETIUS smiles.)
But, that night, he was captured. The Trojans questioned him.
( PHILETIUS nods.)
He told them nothing, except his name, rank, and number.
( PHILETIUS shakes his head in agreement.)
So after a week of various persuasions, they lost their temper and tore out his tongue. They made him a slave in a mill, but when Troy went up in flames, he escaped. Right, Philetius?
( PHILETIUS nods.)
TELEMACHUS
(Looking at PHILETIUS with awe)
But, Father, how did you find out all that?
ULYSSES
Some of our best spies were Trojans... Now, let’s get back to our own little war. Eumaeus, Philetius,
ULYSSES
(Furious)
Sweet suffering Jupiter! Don’t do that to me, boy! I thought it was one of those bastards sneaking in.
( CLIA is awake, too, now.)
TELEMACHUS
Sorry, Father, I really am.
(He comes forward nervously, and then beams with delight.)
But I’m glad you told Mother who you are.
PENELOPE
I would have probably found out, anyway.
TELEMACHUS
Oh no, you wouldn’t. His disguise was cool, it really was.
ULYSSES
(Sheathes his dagger and smiles)
Well, we shan’t argue about that. Where’s Eumaeus?
TELEMACHUS
Just outside.
(He whistles and EUMAEUS shambles in.)
We did what you told us. We—
ULYSSES
(Quickly)
Good, good. And where is Philetius?
TELEMACHUS
He’ll be out in the stables.
ULYSSES
Bring him here.
TELEMACHUS
Yes, sir!
(He runs into the yard.)
PENELOPE
What on earth was Telemachus trying to say? We did what you told us?
ULYSSES
Oh, they were just helping to strengthen my will power. Well, it’s good to know that Philetius got safely home.
PENELOPE
(Still thinking of TELEMACHUS )
But, darling, what did they—
ULYSSES
The last time I saw him, we were out on a raid together—a night raid on the Trojan camp.
(As he speaks, TELEMACHUS enters with a thin man of about fifty. This is PHILETIUS . He comes to attention when he sees ULYSSES . But ulysses catches him in a rough bear hug.)
Philetius, you old rascal, you old ruffian...
(To the others)
He was the best god-damned sergeant I ever had.
(He thumps PHILETIUS on the back, but he can’t go on speaking.)
TELEMACHUS
Philetius?... And what’s a night raid?
ULYSSES
Just an idea I worked out—and the opposition I got at first from the high brass! Roughly, a night raid was this: we blackened our faces, crawled on our bellies, silenced the sentries, took a couple of prisoners for information. And then, we got the hell out.
(Laughing)
Don’t look so shocked, Telemachus. Isn’t it heroic enough for you? But it’s the way to win a war. All that old-fashioned business of having duels between opposing generals—bah! Nothing was ever decided that way. As soon as a general got killed in a duel, then another officer was promoted to be a general. And of course he wanted to have a duel, too. Big stuff, you know—both armies watching, publicity, applause. It goes to a man’s head, that sort of thing. And the war just never got finished. Now, my idea was to win, to win as thoroughly and quickly as possible, and let the men get home.
(At the last word, he glances quickly over at PENELOPE . He looks embarrassed and rubs his head.)
Yes, yes. Go on! Say it!
PENELOPE
(Smiling a little)
We were out on a night raid, weren’t we?
ULYSSES
(Grinning)
So we were... Actually, we were coming back from a raid. Philetius was covering our withdrawal. He was a good man with a knife—eh, Philetius?
( PHILETIUS smiles.)
But, that night, he was captured. The Trojans questioned him.
( PHILETIUS nods.)
He told them nothing, except his name, rank, and number.
( PHILETIUS shakes his head in agreement.)
So after a week of various persuasions, they lost their temper and tore out his tongue. They made him a slave in a mill, but when Troy went up in flames, he escaped. Right, Philetius?
( PHILETIUS nods.)
TELEMACHUS
(Looking at PHILETIUS with awe)
But, Father, how did you find out all that?
ULYSSES
Some of our best spies were Trojans... Now, let’s get back to our own little war. Eumaeus, Philetius,
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