Home Field by Hannah Gersen Page B

had tried so hard to please her. It was as if Joelle were the older sister and Nicole the vulnerable young one. Their dynamic was such that when they had gone out together, people often assumed that Nicole was the baby of the family. “It’s because I have such big boobs,” Joelle once said, to Dean’s amusement. But over the years, she had wielded an influence that Dean often resented. Nicole always sought her advice first, weighing it against everyone else’s as if it were the sensible standard. She’d even tried to believe in Joelle’s version of God.
    â€œSteffy says you’re looking for a babysitter,” Joelle said. “I can watch them if need be.”
    â€œThanks, but we’ll be okay.”
    â€œYou can’t ask my mother, you can’t put that on her.”
    â€œI wasn’t planning to.”
    â€œWhat’s your plan?”
    â€œFor now, the boys can come with me to practices. When school starts, I’ll have Monica come over on weeknights when I have to work late.”
    â€œMonica graduated.”
    â€œI’ll find a new Monica.”
    â€œThat’s not going to work.”
    Dean shrugged. “Maybe it will, maybe it won’t.”
    â€œ Dean . I know what your schedule is like in the fall. You’re never home. You can’t get a babysitter every night. Kids need consistency, they need routine—especially now, with their mother gone.”
    â€œYou think I don’t know that?”
    â€œI’m trying to help. Tell me honestly, do you really think it’s the best thing to drag them around with you?”
    â€œDo you think it’s the best thing to take Megan and Jenny out of school?”
    â€œMy decision to homeschool is between me and my pastor. I don’t need to defend it to you.”
    â€œAnd I don’t need to defend my life to you.”
    â€œWhy don’t you take a season off? You know you could. People would understand.”
    â€œI don’t want to take a season off,” Dean said.
    â€œYou know, I used to stand up for you. I used to say to Nicole, ‘He loves his job, nothing wrong with that.’ But now I see that she was right, you’re obsessed.”
    â€œI do love my job,” Dean said. He wasn’t about to explain that he needed to coach right now, that football was all he had left, it was the only place he felt at home. The players were like his sons, except they were better than sons because they listened to him, and he understood them—unlike his own sons, who were becoming more mysterious to him with each passing day.
    â€œI’m not going to let you do this to my nephews,” Joelle said. “Nicole wouldn’t approve. She’d be up in arms.”
    â€œNicole doesn’t have a say anymore!” Dean was angry now.
    Joelle crossed her arms. “I can take them after school. Megan’s old enough to babysit.”
    â€œYou don’t get it,” Dean said. “I don’t want you to take them.”
    â€œThat’s funny, because Nic dropped them off all the time last year.”
    â€œLeave Nic out of it,” Dean said. “This isn’t about her.”
    â€œI think it is. I think you’re still angry with me. But that’s no reason to punish Robbie and Bry.”
    â€œThis has nothing to do with you, Joelle.”
    â€œYou blame me. I know you do. I never told her not to see a psychiatrist. All I ever said was that she should be careful about taking medications.”
    â€œLook, I told you I didn’t want to go down this road, and I meant it.”
    â€œThis is where every conversation is going to end up until you forgive her—and me. Not that I did anything wrong.”
    â€œYou told her she was depressed because she didn’t have faith. You didn’t support her.”
    â€œYou want to talk about support? You know what she told me? She said, ‘Jo, I never knew marriage could be