own.
This was technically the first day of my vacation. At this point Henry and I were supposed to be out on the Oregon Coast at a B&B in Seaside. Just thinking about the itinerary on the fridge made my stomach turn. Henry had planned out every stop. I wondered at what point in his planning did it occur to him he’d rather be sleeping with Sophia than me.
“Quit with the pity party Callie,” I said, deciding the only reasonable thing was to get dressed and try to make something of my day. There were a few thrift stores on the Ave I wanted to hit. My apartment still lacked a real sense of style.
As I got dressed, I pushed Henry to the back of my mind and thought instead, of Theo and how he’d played with me with his hands, his mouth, and his cock. Every move designed to make me want more and it had worked. The start of the night I’d been almost too nervous to speak and by the end I had been screaming at the top of my lungs.
I stood in front of the mirror in my black and white tiled bathroom as I brushed my hair back into a ponytail. My cheeks flushed, I wondered if it was my imagination but I felt more alive this morning. Was my skin less pasty? Did I look less sickly, less broken and sad?
Was Theo’s promise to heal my broken heart in five days real?
Or, was I being played by a guy who just liked to fuck around with strangers?
The last thought made my stomach turn. We’d been safe, we hadn’t even touched each other skin on skin yet and I’d seen his test results. I was on the pill and I wondered if we’d use a condom if and when we had sex. We probably should, the pill wasn’t 100 percent; we’d swapped medical info, but it was never a bad idea to be too safe.
I had been with Henry for so long I wasn’t used to these kinds of conversations or even internal debates. I’d have to talk with Theo about using more protection if things progressed. Still the idea of his skin against mine was so sexy. I hated to think of the thin skin of a condom between us, but wasn’t that the type of stupid thinking that caused trouble? I was thinking like a hormone driven high school kid.
I brushed my teeth and contemplated the question of Theo’s past. Was he really just a player and if so, did I care? It was true that Theo had played with me, but I hadn’t been his plaything. We had played together.
“What exactly have you gotten yourself into Callie” I asked my reflection. It was no use, I had no idea but I knew I wasn’t going to stop.
I spent the afternoon bargain shopping. I picked up a painting of a seascape in a driftwood frame, and some mercury candlesticks. I knew I shouldn’t be spending money on the apartment but I wanted it to be mine. As I hung the picture on the wall near the bed I realized I’d never set up a space of my own like this before. Sure I’d had a dorm in college and graduate housing, but from there I’d moved to Henry’s. His style was so polished, so much more demanding than mine. I thought of the cold silver and black lines that dominated the home we’d shared together and realized for the first time that every purchase had been driven by his choices.
We’d pretended for years that we were in things together, but how many times had I swallowed my own opinion for the greater good.
“And I was the designer you mother trucker,” I said. For the first time in a long time I was trying not to swear to be a better person, not because Henry required it.
I surveyed my increasingly homey space. Windows cracked open, the white curtains billowed in the breeze. My beachy painting made me think of trips to the beach in California as a girl, before my parents had died. Those were happy days of sunlight and sand between my toes. The seascape felt solitary and tranquil but not lonely, nothing lonely about this space at all I realized with pride.
My phone rang, and for a moment my heart leapt out of my chest hoping it was Theo until my brain remembered he didn’t have my number.
“You
This was technically the first day of my vacation. At this point Henry and I were supposed to be out on the Oregon Coast at a B&B in Seaside. Just thinking about the itinerary on the fridge made my stomach turn. Henry had planned out every stop. I wondered at what point in his planning did it occur to him he’d rather be sleeping with Sophia than me.
“Quit with the pity party Callie,” I said, deciding the only reasonable thing was to get dressed and try to make something of my day. There were a few thrift stores on the Ave I wanted to hit. My apartment still lacked a real sense of style.
As I got dressed, I pushed Henry to the back of my mind and thought instead, of Theo and how he’d played with me with his hands, his mouth, and his cock. Every move designed to make me want more and it had worked. The start of the night I’d been almost too nervous to speak and by the end I had been screaming at the top of my lungs.
I stood in front of the mirror in my black and white tiled bathroom as I brushed my hair back into a ponytail. My cheeks flushed, I wondered if it was my imagination but I felt more alive this morning. Was my skin less pasty? Did I look less sickly, less broken and sad?
Was Theo’s promise to heal my broken heart in five days real?
Or, was I being played by a guy who just liked to fuck around with strangers?
The last thought made my stomach turn. We’d been safe, we hadn’t even touched each other skin on skin yet and I’d seen his test results. I was on the pill and I wondered if we’d use a condom if and when we had sex. We probably should, the pill wasn’t 100 percent; we’d swapped medical info, but it was never a bad idea to be too safe.
I had been with Henry for so long I wasn’t used to these kinds of conversations or even internal debates. I’d have to talk with Theo about using more protection if things progressed. Still the idea of his skin against mine was so sexy. I hated to think of the thin skin of a condom between us, but wasn’t that the type of stupid thinking that caused trouble? I was thinking like a hormone driven high school kid.
I brushed my teeth and contemplated the question of Theo’s past. Was he really just a player and if so, did I care? It was true that Theo had played with me, but I hadn’t been his plaything. We had played together.
“What exactly have you gotten yourself into Callie” I asked my reflection. It was no use, I had no idea but I knew I wasn’t going to stop.
I spent the afternoon bargain shopping. I picked up a painting of a seascape in a driftwood frame, and some mercury candlesticks. I knew I shouldn’t be spending money on the apartment but I wanted it to be mine. As I hung the picture on the wall near the bed I realized I’d never set up a space of my own like this before. Sure I’d had a dorm in college and graduate housing, but from there I’d moved to Henry’s. His style was so polished, so much more demanding than mine. I thought of the cold silver and black lines that dominated the home we’d shared together and realized for the first time that every purchase had been driven by his choices.
We’d pretended for years that we were in things together, but how many times had I swallowed my own opinion for the greater good.
“And I was the designer you mother trucker,” I said. For the first time in a long time I was trying not to swear to be a better person, not because Henry required it.
I surveyed my increasingly homey space. Windows cracked open, the white curtains billowed in the breeze. My beachy painting made me think of trips to the beach in California as a girl, before my parents had died. Those were happy days of sunlight and sand between my toes. The seascape felt solitary and tranquil but not lonely, nothing lonely about this space at all I realized with pride.
My phone rang, and for a moment my heart leapt out of my chest hoping it was Theo until my brain remembered he didn’t have my number.
“You
Similar Books
