His Bundle of Love / the Color of Courage by Patricia Davids Page B

something more. I really care about this woman, but I can’t figure her out.”
    “No one can figure out women.”
    “You’re being a big help.”
    “Mick, you can’t make her let you into her life unless you take her to court and get a custody agreement to share the kid. How many of those relationships turn out friendly? Either she’s still interested in you or she isn’t. Decide how far you’re willing to go before you’re in over your head.”
    Wasn’t he already in over his head? Mick crossed his arms and leaned back against his locker. “I know I can’t risk driving Caitlin away and losing Beth, too.”
    * * *
    It was a little after one o’clock in the morning, and Caitlin had been in her new room for nearly two days before she faced the fact that she couldn’t make herself stay away from Beth any longer. Gathering her courage, she walked down the hall to the NICU.
    Her legs felt like rubber, but she forced herself to go on. How long would this weakness plague her? Out on the streets, weakness made a person an easy target. She’d learned the hard way that she had to look strong even if she wasn’t.
    She scrubbed her hands and arms as she had seen Mick do, then showed her ID band to the unit clerk. The woman opened the door and Caitlin walked into the nursery. A gray-haired nurse came up to her with a bright smile and asked, “Can I help you?”
    “I’m Caitlin Williams. I’d like to see my daughter.”
    “Ah, you’re little Beth’s mother. It’s nice to meet you. I’m Phyllis, and I’m her nurse tonight. She’s doing very well.”
    The nurse led the way to Beth’s bedside. Once there, she lowered the Plexiglas panel and pulled up a chair so Caitlin could sit down. Beth lay on her side in a U-shaped roll that kept her arms and legs tucked close to her body.
    “Has anyone explained our equipment to you?” Phyllis asked.
    Caitlin shook her head. She still couldn’t get over how small and how totally helpless her baby looked.
    “Okay, I’ll explain it all, but you only need to remember one thing.”
    Caitlin’s gaze flew to the nurse’s face. “What’s that?”
    The woman smiled warmly. “All of this equipment belongs to the hospital, but Beth belongs to you. Our job is to take care of her until she’s ready to go home, but we can’t replace you. Your job is to love her.”
    Caitlin bit her lip and nodded. It sounded so simple.
    The nurse patted her arm. “Good. This machine is a ventilator, and it’s helping her breathe. You and I breathe twenty-one percent oxygen in the air around us. Beth is getting thirty-two percent oxygen. The monitors tell us her heart rate, how fast she’s breathing, and how well she’s using the oxygen we’re giving her. It will also tell us if she needs more.”
    She indicated the small clear tubes taped to the baby’s stomach. “These are her IV lines. One is in an artery in her umbilical cord and the other one goes into a vein.”
    “The first time I was here, I pulled one of them out,” Caitlin admitted.
    “Yes, I know.” The nurse laid a hand on Caitlin’s shoulder. “It was a very unfortunate accident. In the twenty years I’ve been working in this NICU, it’s only happened a few times.”
    Surprised, Caitlin glanced up. “You mean someone else did it, too?”
    “Yes, and they were just as scared as you were. I know things seem overwhelming, but try not to focus on the equipment. Focus on your baby. Talk to her. She’s heard your voice all these months, and she’ll know it now. She knows your smell and your touch. Really, she does. Babies are amazing people. Now, I’ll leave you two alone.” The nurse started to move away.
    “Can’t you stay?” Caitlin called after her, frightened at the idea of being left alone with her baby.
    “I have other babies to take care of. I’ll be right over here.” She indicated an incubator down the aisle. “Just sing out if you need something.”
    Caitlin nodded, but couldn’t quell her sense of