touch on her cheek made her ache with the most beautiful pain she'd ever known. "So you're in the driver's seat with this, Tess. Just know that whatever you want from me, I won't reject you, and I won't push you further than you want to go."
A single tear trickled down her cheek. She turned away before he could see it, but watched him through the reflection on the window. "I know you want to help me, but you can't. I have to find my own healing, my own way and time,"
He stared ahead to the unending stretch of tarred road. "I wasn't there when you needed me the most. You gave birth to our daughter alone. You lost her. They tricked you into marrying him because I didn't expose their lies—because I never bothered to call you from lockup. Damn it, Tess, I owe it to you to try!"
If he'd reached inside her chest and squeezed her heart in his bare fist, he couldn't have hurt her more. "You can't heal me with pity, Jirrah," she said huskily, her heart and throat aching. "You can't cry magic tears or kiss me better. Just help me find Emily, use your papers to get Cameron out of my life, and we'll consider the nonexistent debt canceled."
An uncomfortable silence filled the van for a minute. "Don't try to kid yourself you can live your life alone, Tess. The illusion of control can vanish like smoke, or blow up in your face like my truck. If I've learned from the past six years, it's that we all need to have someone we can believe in. Living alone, isolating yourself to hide from pain, only creates worse problems."
She stared out the window, unable to answer.
"You know I'm right," he pushed her, aggressive, but not angry. "You trust me, much as you want to deny it. That's why you came with me—why you're here now—why you kissed me. You've been on the run, closed away from the human race too long. Somewhere deep inside, you know you have to open up to someone again. You need to know you can trust a man, especially in a physical way. And you can." He added, low, "It will be making love, not forced sex. It will happen when and where you want it. I'll never beg, bribe or blackmail you into it, and I swear to God I'd never force you. I won't let you down, Tess. I'm here for you."
For now. Until you know the whole truth.
If he knew, he'd never speak again of wanting her. He'd never touch her again, or even look at her. She could hardly stand looking at herself sometimes.
She made herself sigh. "Look, it was just a kiss, all right? A way to break the tension. Like you said, a quick celebration after getting rid of Cameron." She kept her gaze trained outside so he wouldn't know the lie she spoke. "He's gone for now, but he's not gone forever. So let's find Emily before he does."
He said softly, "Don't count on too much with Emily, Tess. Nothing in our lives has been a fairy tale from the day we met. She might be a happy kid in a big family, with brothers, sisters and fantastic parents. She might not know she's adopted, or want to know us. She might never be yours again."
Tessa shuddered, knowing he'd looked into her deepest heart; he'd seen, and understood, her soul-deep yearning to have her daughter in her arms, in her life, to be her mother—her real mother. "Then I'll just have to be content with seeing Cameron behind bars, won't I."
When he spoke, his voice was tight and hard. "Don't cheat yourself. Revenge isn't enough. It's living in the shadows."
She turned on him, her face white. "And you're so free of the need for revenge, you give me advice? I'd have thought you the expert on wanting to punish them for what they've done to you!"
"Yeah, I am. I lived and breathed and ate revenge for six years, and it's nothing but a cheat—just cold, dark emptiness. Hatred without healing." His eyes burned into hers. "You did that to me. Watching you with the kids. After all they did to you, you can still give. You can forgive. You can heal, Tess! Damn it, don't lose yourself in bitterness now. You're better than that!"
Her heart
A single tear trickled down her cheek. She turned away before he could see it, but watched him through the reflection on the window. "I know you want to help me, but you can't. I have to find my own healing, my own way and time,"
He stared ahead to the unending stretch of tarred road. "I wasn't there when you needed me the most. You gave birth to our daughter alone. You lost her. They tricked you into marrying him because I didn't expose their lies—because I never bothered to call you from lockup. Damn it, Tess, I owe it to you to try!"
If he'd reached inside her chest and squeezed her heart in his bare fist, he couldn't have hurt her more. "You can't heal me with pity, Jirrah," she said huskily, her heart and throat aching. "You can't cry magic tears or kiss me better. Just help me find Emily, use your papers to get Cameron out of my life, and we'll consider the nonexistent debt canceled."
An uncomfortable silence filled the van for a minute. "Don't try to kid yourself you can live your life alone, Tess. The illusion of control can vanish like smoke, or blow up in your face like my truck. If I've learned from the past six years, it's that we all need to have someone we can believe in. Living alone, isolating yourself to hide from pain, only creates worse problems."
She stared out the window, unable to answer.
"You know I'm right," he pushed her, aggressive, but not angry. "You trust me, much as you want to deny it. That's why you came with me—why you're here now—why you kissed me. You've been on the run, closed away from the human race too long. Somewhere deep inside, you know you have to open up to someone again. You need to know you can trust a man, especially in a physical way. And you can." He added, low, "It will be making love, not forced sex. It will happen when and where you want it. I'll never beg, bribe or blackmail you into it, and I swear to God I'd never force you. I won't let you down, Tess. I'm here for you."
For now. Until you know the whole truth.
If he knew, he'd never speak again of wanting her. He'd never touch her again, or even look at her. She could hardly stand looking at herself sometimes.
She made herself sigh. "Look, it was just a kiss, all right? A way to break the tension. Like you said, a quick celebration after getting rid of Cameron." She kept her gaze trained outside so he wouldn't know the lie she spoke. "He's gone for now, but he's not gone forever. So let's find Emily before he does."
He said softly, "Don't count on too much with Emily, Tess. Nothing in our lives has been a fairy tale from the day we met. She might be a happy kid in a big family, with brothers, sisters and fantastic parents. She might not know she's adopted, or want to know us. She might never be yours again."
Tessa shuddered, knowing he'd looked into her deepest heart; he'd seen, and understood, her soul-deep yearning to have her daughter in her arms, in her life, to be her mother—her real mother. "Then I'll just have to be content with seeing Cameron behind bars, won't I."
When he spoke, his voice was tight and hard. "Don't cheat yourself. Revenge isn't enough. It's living in the shadows."
She turned on him, her face white. "And you're so free of the need for revenge, you give me advice? I'd have thought you the expert on wanting to punish them for what they've done to you!"
"Yeah, I am. I lived and breathed and ate revenge for six years, and it's nothing but a cheat—just cold, dark emptiness. Hatred without healing." His eyes burned into hers. "You did that to me. Watching you with the kids. After all they did to you, you can still give. You can forgive. You can heal, Tess! Damn it, don't lose yourself in bitterness now. You're better than that!"
Her heart
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