Heir Apparent by Vivian Vande Velde Page B

commanded.
    Maybe it was became I was standing on one leg ready to tip over, but the first song that came to me was "I'm a Little Teapot."
    Those who understood Shelban gleefully translated the stupid little ditty for those who didn't.
    With great hilarity, the barbarian horde shouted out suggestions to Grimbold, just in case he couldn't think of enough humiliating things to have me do. Dance, spin, spit—they loved that I couldn't stop any act unless specifically ordered to stop, even if I was simultaneously feeling compelled to complete another action. You try spinning, singing, and spitting at the same time—all balanced on one leg.
    Luckily, though Rasmussem has nothing against killing off a paying customer, they won't allow sexual harassment, so that was one thing I didn't need to worry about.
    "Pretend you be a chicken," Grimbold said.
    My singing changed to clucking, and I couldn't help myself—I began flapping my arms.
    Barbarian humor.
    I was saved from new indignities when the messenger they'd sent to the castle returned. He spoke in his native language, which I didn't have to understand—I could tell by everyone's sour expressions that Grimbold's offer had been refused.
    Now what? Would they kill me?
    Maybe, maybe not—Grimbold obviously needed time to consider.
    "Go back to the tree," he ordered.
    Of course, as soon as I tried walking using only one leg, I immediately tipped over.
    "You may be walking on both feetses," Grimbold told me.
    I walked back to the tree, still clucking, scratching at the ground with my toes.
    Even so, Grimbold didn't trust me and had me once again shackled.
    Enough with the chicken routine,
I thought at him, but apparently he figured his camp needed the entertainment. I suppose I was lucky he rescinded the commands to sing and spit.
    If time had passed slowly for me as a prisoner, it passed even more slowly for me as a chicken. The sun set, the smells of cooking carried to me, and still I couldn't stop clucking and scratching at the earth. Thank goodness I found no worms. I
did
try to lay an egg, though.
    After those in the camp had eaten, and after it got dark, they finally became bored with me. They returned to their campfires and tents, leaving me with only one guard. I tucked my head under one arm and tried to sleep.
    I was awakened when Grimbold himself came to take the guard's place. "What will I be doing with you?" he asked. He leaned against the tree all the guards seemed to favor, which was out of my range in case I decided to try to peck him to death. "You truly be a useless thing—useless to me, useless to your own peoples. Maybe I be selling you into slavery to one of the nomad tribes. Or maybe I be selling you to the ores, which have a tasting for human flesh."
    I sure hoped the Rasmussem program would send me back to the start of the game before anyone began roasting me on a spit. I tried to tell him that I was sure I could be useful: I was willing to side with him and turn on my royal family. My pleading came out as frantic clucking.
    Grimbold started laughing. "I wonder," he said, "when the ores be cooking you, if you be tasting like human or like chicken."
    He was still having a good time with that thought when he gave an odd sound, something like choking but more bubbly. He pitched forward onto the ground, a dark stain spreading beneath him.
    A man stepped out from behind the tree—a man I recognized as one of those to whom I'd been talking in the castle guardroom. He was holding a knife in his hand, and I realized he'd just cut Grimbold's throat. It would have been a nice rescue, except for the feet that—with the death of the person whose orders I was compelled to obey—I was destined to spend the rest of this lifetime as a chicken.
    "Don't worry, Princess Janine," my rescuer whispered so as not to alert any of the barbarians. "The royal family was willing to leave you here, but we were not."
    "
Cluck, cluck, cluck,
" I said:
You stupid idiot, you have lousy