Heartless by Casey Kelleher Page B

hadn’t imagined that her first time would feel like this. She had imagined it as gentler; more intimate.
    She could feel the bile at the back of her throat, but she forced herself to gulp it down. The acidity burned her throat.
    Sophia felt Tommy’s body tremble and convulse and was glad it was over.
    Her feeling of relief was quickly replaced by one of increased nausea. Tommy had barely rolled off her, when Sophia realised she could no longer hold back the urge to be sick. Flinging her head over the side of the bed she puked up the contents of her stomach into the bucket.
    “I’ll get you some more water,” Tommy said, dressing quickly.
    As she watched him, she saw the crumpled cigarette packet sticking out of his back pocket. She felt her blood run cold.
    “Jonathan,” she said, her voice so quiet she could barely hear it.
    Jonathan turned and smiled. “Yes?”
    “No... I don’t understand. I thought you were Tommy.”
    “Don’t play games, Red. It was me you wanted. You don’t think my brother would have been able to fuck you like that, do you?”
    “But I... I thought... You tricked me,” Sophia cried.
    She had known that it hadn’t felt right, but she had thought it had been because she was still drunk, and unsure about the act itself. It was her first time; she didn’t have anything to compare it to. She couldn’t stop shivering. She felt as if Jonathan’s coldness was contagious and had crept out from deep within his bones, infecting her.
    She should have known that Tommy would never have been so rough with her. If she hadn’t been so drunk maybe she would have realised in time. She could have stopped it.
    “You pulled me on top of you, Red, remember? You were gagging for it. You can’t beg me to fuck you and then start playing these little games.” Fucking Sophia had been the perfect opportunity for him to finish her and Tommy. Tommy wouldn’t believe that Sophia hadn’t realised who she was having sex with, nor would he forgive her. By the look on her face, she knew that too.
    “See, Red, I told you that I’d make your first time special.” He looked her up and down.
    Sophia grabbed the duvet and pulled it around her. She leaned back over the bed and started retching violently until her stomach ached and her throat burned. Through her tears, she saw that Jonathan had gone.
    Dragging herself off the bed, Sophia straightened her skirt and put on the rest of her clothes. Struggling to balance, she staggered and leaned on the bedside table for support.
    She hated herself, but she couldn’t begin to imagine how much more Tommy would when he found out what she had done. Jonathan was right, she had instigated it. Tommy would never believe that Jonathan had tricked her. And even if he did, he wouldn’t want her now. Not after that.
    Weaving out of the bedroom and down the stairs, she prayed that she wouldn’t bump into Jonathan on her way out of the house, or worse still Tommy.
    The only place in the world that Sophia wanted to be was at home.

Chapter Ten
    The pain in Kaitlin’s head was excruciating. Rubbing it gently, she then checked her hand for blood and was surprised there wasn’t any. Jamesie had bashed her head so hard on the laminate floor that she felt like her skull had been dented.
    “Go on then, you miserable cunt, what are you going to do now? I know... why don’t you go and tell my interfering old bitch of a mother what I’ve done?” Dribble seeped from his lips as Jamesie slurred the words; he was barely capable of speech. Kaitlin looked Jamesie in the eye, searching for a hint of compassion. There was none; all she could see was a sneer on lips surrounded by red and blotchy skin, another side effect of the constant alcohol abuse.
    This was the worst state she had ever seen her drunken husband in, however. He had been goading her for a row all day, and even though she had tried her best to pacify him she had known that this would be the outcome. Every day since Nessa’s