Headphone Actor by JIN Page B

controller being moved.
     
    —Haruka’s hands lay limp, and with his head drooped and hanging downwards ….. He was silent.
     
    “H-Haruka!”
    Right away, I could tell that something wasn’t right. Jumping up from my chair, I shook Haruka’s body.
    However, he didn’t respond; the shoulders I touched were cold, very cold. It was like his mind and soul had gone off somewhere, and only his body was left behind.
    My mind went completely blank. My knees started shaking, and tears started forming out of fear.
    “No ….. this—this can’t be …..! S-someone!! Is there someone here!?”
    While supporting Haruka’s limp body, I shouted in the direction of the door that faced the hallway.
    However, there was no reply. During summer vacation, even with the fact that there were few people at school, with where this classroom was located, it was unlikely that there would be anyone around.
    “Please, someone …. Anyone, please help …..!!”
    I could do longer make sensible decisions. All I could do was hold onto Haruka’s unconscious body and tremble.
    If I let go now, I’d never be able to reach him again, and it felt like he’d go somewhere far away.

    “Please, God …..!”
    The moment I prayed, the door of the classroom was thrown open.
    A familiar man in a white coat came towards me and muttered, “It’s alright,” and
    —Slowly wrapped his arms around Haruka.
                *
    It was tense in the hospital’s waiting room.
    Occasionally, we would hear the running footsteps of the nurses, and every time, my shoulders would shake.
     
    Haruka had been taken to the General Hospital that had been built on a hill several months earlier.
    Tateyama-sensei and I were the only ones sitting on the long bench in front of the emergency room.
    The handkerchief I clutched was already soaking wet, but even so, tears continued to spill from both of my eyes.
    “….. Sensei …. Haruka …. He’ll wake up, won’t he? …. He’ll be well again, won’t he?”
    I had asked Tateyama-sensei this question so many times already.
    I knew that it would probably only be a bother to him.
    But even so, Tateyama-sensei smiled and said, “He’s doing his best too, so I’m sure it’ll be fine,” and patted my back.
     
    Before, when I’d been hospitalized in a hospital somewhere, had my grandmother felt just like this as she sat in the waiting room?
    It was like walking through an unending tunnel while looking down.
    “It’ll be fine.”
    Even though I tried telling myself this, the fear wouldn’t go away, and I couldn’t help but imagine the worst outcome.
     
    If only I had realized sooner at that time, something like this might not have happened.
    Because of my own stupid pride, Haruka might have been suffering all on his own.
    Up until the point that he’d lost consciousness, Haruka might have been seeking help from me.
    But I had ….. I had …..! 
     
    I had never hated myself as much as I did now.
    The tears that fell on the hand that was holding handkerchief made me realize that they had formed into droplets.
     
    —That’s right. If I was so useless, I had no right to be by Haruka’s side, or even any right to worry about him.
    What would I say to him when he woke up?
    Something like, “I’m glad you’re alright, I was so worried”?
    The only one important to me was myself. Pretending like I always thought about him only in times like these, and thinking that I could just smooth it over and settle everything just like that.
    If Tateyama-sensei hadn’t rushed over when he had, I wouldn’t have been able to do anything.
    I’m just that powerless; nothing but a selfish person.
    The lit sign for the emergency room turned off.
    The automatic doors opened, and the doctor assigned to Haruka came out wearing surgical robes.
    Tateyama-sensei stood up, rushed up to the doctor and started having some kind of conversation with him, but I could no longer even move due to my anxiety and fear.
    I