dignity as a naked High Priestess could muster on the spur of the moment, “no mortal man would ever be allowed to do that or even suggest it.”
“So that solves it and now I don’t have to prove I ain’t a mortal man?” I asked, rubbing my jaw where she’d loosened a tooth or two.
“Now you have to prove that you’re not a demon from the pits of hell,” she answered.
She put two fingers in her mouth and whistled, and suddenly the temple was filled with all them men what had been busy worshipping Henry when I arrived, and I found myself facing the business ends of a bunch of spears.
“You’re going about this all wrong, Miss Valeria,” I said. “If I’m a demon I’m gonna kill all your spear-toting friends and relations here, and if I’m not they’re going to kill me and you’re going to feel just awful about having made such a mistake.”
She stared at me. “If I’m wrong I don’t believe I’ll lose a minute of sleep over it.”
“Being a compassionate god or demon, I just can’t countenance such bloodshed,” I said. “I’ll tell you what: I’ll rassle one of ’em. If I win, everyone admits I’m a god, or at least a demon what’s a hell of a good rassler, you move in with me, and they all agree to worship me.”
“And if you lose?”
“Then I’ll take your solid gold armbands as a romantic remembrance and be on my lonely and heartbroken way.”
Whilst we’d been talking, the whole population of Moo had shown up and kind of gathered around us in a big circle, and a guy who must have been seven feet tall and almost as wide stepped forward. “Let me be the one to fight him, High Priestess!” he shouted.
Pretty soon half a dozen other guys, who all looked like the first one’s bigger, stronger, nastier older brothers were begging for the chance to face me in hand-to-hand combat.
“You are all splendid examples of our race,” said Valeria. “I find it difficult to make a choice.” She turned to me. “Lucifer, I will allow you to choose your opponent.”
“You’re sure?” I said. “I mean, once I choose, you promise you won’t go back on your word?”
“The word of the High Priestess is absolute law,” she said.
“Okay,” I said. “I choose you.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“You heard me,” I said. “You told me I could choose my opponent in this here rasslin’ match. I choose you.”
“But I meant…”
“And you told me in front of everyone that the word of the High Priestess was in purple.”
“Inviolate,” she corrected me. Then she turned to the assembled warriors and priestesses and lesser beings. “I gave my word.” She took her crown off and handed it to another gorgeous naked lady who I guessed was her Vice High Priestess.
The crowd formed kind of a circle around us. I’d have took off my shirt, but I’d been wearing it so long it was kind of stuck to me, so I just spit on my hands, rubbed ’em together, and got ready for the referee to ring the bell.
It was when Valeria punched me in the stomach that I realized that we didn’t have no referee nor no bell, and when she sunk her teeth into my ear I figgered out that we didn’t have no rules neither.
I pulled back, leaving some ear in her mouth, and we started circling around each other. Then she reached out to grab me, and I reached out to grab her, and a second later she slapped my face again.
“Don’t do that!” she snapped.
I didn’t know whether to apologize or tell her to protect herself in the clinches, so I settled for circling around her again and grabbing a little lower this time, which just got me another slap in the face.
“Damn it, Lucifer, are you wrestling me or molesting me?”
Before I could answer she launched herself through the air at me, and I fell over backward with her on top of me. After that things happened real fast for the next few seconds, and then she slapped me yet again.
“No kissing!” she yelled.
I grabbed a hold of her left wrist with my
“So that solves it and now I don’t have to prove I ain’t a mortal man?” I asked, rubbing my jaw where she’d loosened a tooth or two.
“Now you have to prove that you’re not a demon from the pits of hell,” she answered.
She put two fingers in her mouth and whistled, and suddenly the temple was filled with all them men what had been busy worshipping Henry when I arrived, and I found myself facing the business ends of a bunch of spears.
“You’re going about this all wrong, Miss Valeria,” I said. “If I’m a demon I’m gonna kill all your spear-toting friends and relations here, and if I’m not they’re going to kill me and you’re going to feel just awful about having made such a mistake.”
She stared at me. “If I’m wrong I don’t believe I’ll lose a minute of sleep over it.”
“Being a compassionate god or demon, I just can’t countenance such bloodshed,” I said. “I’ll tell you what: I’ll rassle one of ’em. If I win, everyone admits I’m a god, or at least a demon what’s a hell of a good rassler, you move in with me, and they all agree to worship me.”
“And if you lose?”
“Then I’ll take your solid gold armbands as a romantic remembrance and be on my lonely and heartbroken way.”
Whilst we’d been talking, the whole population of Moo had shown up and kind of gathered around us in a big circle, and a guy who must have been seven feet tall and almost as wide stepped forward. “Let me be the one to fight him, High Priestess!” he shouted.
Pretty soon half a dozen other guys, who all looked like the first one’s bigger, stronger, nastier older brothers were begging for the chance to face me in hand-to-hand combat.
“You are all splendid examples of our race,” said Valeria. “I find it difficult to make a choice.” She turned to me. “Lucifer, I will allow you to choose your opponent.”
“You’re sure?” I said. “I mean, once I choose, you promise you won’t go back on your word?”
“The word of the High Priestess is absolute law,” she said.
“Okay,” I said. “I choose you.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“You heard me,” I said. “You told me I could choose my opponent in this here rasslin’ match. I choose you.”
“But I meant…”
“And you told me in front of everyone that the word of the High Priestess was in purple.”
“Inviolate,” she corrected me. Then she turned to the assembled warriors and priestesses and lesser beings. “I gave my word.” She took her crown off and handed it to another gorgeous naked lady who I guessed was her Vice High Priestess.
The crowd formed kind of a circle around us. I’d have took off my shirt, but I’d been wearing it so long it was kind of stuck to me, so I just spit on my hands, rubbed ’em together, and got ready for the referee to ring the bell.
It was when Valeria punched me in the stomach that I realized that we didn’t have no referee nor no bell, and when she sunk her teeth into my ear I figgered out that we didn’t have no rules neither.
I pulled back, leaving some ear in her mouth, and we started circling around each other. Then she reached out to grab me, and I reached out to grab her, and a second later she slapped my face again.
“Don’t do that!” she snapped.
I didn’t know whether to apologize or tell her to protect herself in the clinches, so I settled for circling around her again and grabbing a little lower this time, which just got me another slap in the face.
“Damn it, Lucifer, are you wrestling me or molesting me?”
Before I could answer she launched herself through the air at me, and I fell over backward with her on top of me. After that things happened real fast for the next few seconds, and then she slapped me yet again.
“No kissing!” she yelled.
I grabbed a hold of her left wrist with my
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