Haunted by Melinda Metz - Fingerprints - 2 Page B

it,” she muttered as she stepped into the bathroom, using her elbow to open the door.
    She peed, washed her hands, did minor makeup repairs, brushed her hair, put on a little more perfume, just basically stalled, ignoring the old thoughts touching her stuff brought into her mind, then headed back down to the group therapy room with about four seconds to spare. The only seat that was empty was next to Anthony. Figured.
    Rae took it. Anthony grunted something that might have been a greeting. Rae resisted the urge to grunt back.
    “Hey,” she mumbled, lacing her hands together to eliminate any accidental touching of stuff. She was glad that Ms.
    Abramson didn’t waste any time getting started.
    “Hopes and dreams,” Ms. Abramson said, beginning to pace around the inside of the circle of metal chairs.
    “Nothing is more important. Without hopes and dreams, there are no goals. No accomplishments. No new visions in the world. No heroes. No stars. Today I want you to pair up and help each other discover what your hopes and dreams are. Ask each other questions.
    Really listen to what is said. Then ask some more.
    When you’re done, each of you will tell the group about what your partners aspire to do and become.”
    Rae turned away from Anthony toward Shawn Miller. But Shawn had already turned toward Kim Feldon.
    Reluctantly Rae turned back to face Anthony, just as he was reluctantly turning back to face her.
    “So. You first. Dreams,” Rae said quickly. She planned on controlling this little session.
    “Don’t have any,” Anthony answered. “What about you?”
    “Don’t have any, either,” Rae shot back. They stared at each other for a long moment. “I don’t buy it, anyway,” Rae finally said, breaking the silence.
    “You have to have something you want to do.”
    “I have to have something, but you don’t.”
    Anthony shook his head. “How does that make any sense?”
    “Look, it’s different for me, okay?” Rae answered. “I just want to be normal. Not have people think I’m a freak anymore.”
    Anthony raised one eyebrow. “You’re lying,” he announced. “You don’t want to be normal. You want things to be the way they used to be, before, you know.” He wiggled his fingers at her. “And I’m one hundred percent positive you weren’t happy just being normal then. I’ve seen girls like you.”
    “Girls like me,” Rae repeated. She didn’t ask him what that meant. She knew it was just going to piss her off.
    “Yeah, girls like you,” Anthony went on, uninvited. “Got to have the perfect clothes. The perfect boyfriend. The perfect everything. Got to be the girl that all the other girls want to be. Which isn’t being normal. Normal’s not nearly good enough for a girl like you. If you thought you were normal-at least before the whole meltdown thing-you probably would have wanted to slit your wrists.”
    Nailed. So much for me being in control. A few questions and Anthony already had gotten her eyes stinging with unshed tears. Rae drew in a long, slow breath. Then she tried to answer calmly. “Maybe I was like that. Maybe that is what I wanted.” Actually, there was no maybe about it. From the time she’d hit junior high, Rae had been completely focused on making it into the school elite.
    “But even if I wanted that now, it’s a ridiculous thing to have as a dream. It’s never going to happen.
    Not unless I develop the ability to turn back time.”
    She was talking to herself as much as Anthony.
    Laying out the logic, trying to make herself believe it deep down where she still kind of didn’t.
    “Abramson didn’t say the hopes and dreams had to be possible,” Anthony answered.
    “Only pathetic losers have dreams that don’t have any chance of coming true,” Rae told him. She might be a freak.
    She might be a social pariah. But she wasn’t going to be a loser.
    “So you’re saying there’s nothing else you want.
    If you can’t be Little Miss Popular Prep School Girl,