snapping away at
something on the street. As he turns to me and I get a glimpse of the sun
bouncing off his cheekbones, I feel like I'm in high school again and nerves
begin to bubble in my stomach.
"Miles, I don't know quite how to say this…I've never
done anything like this before…" I stumble. He smiles, and actually looks
intrigued. I rush on. "I'm sorry, but I don't think this is working."
"What?" he asks, a frown snapping across his brow.
"I don't think we should see each other anymore. You're
great, but—"
"Is this because I asked you to spend the night? If
you're not ready to have sex then—"
"No, that's not it. I am ready, just not—" I stop
myself from completing that sentence. I don't feel ready to have sex with
Miles, but I don't want to bring up the fact that there's someone else I do
feel ready to have sex with. I clear my throat and take a different tack.
"It's not about sex. I just think we're not the right…fit for each
other," I finally say.
"Fuck, I can't believe you're breaking up with me, "
Miles whines, shaking his head.
"What does that mean?"
"I mean, you're hot and everything, but you were no one
in high school," he replies, spreading his hands in an apologetic gesture.
I feel momentarily stung, but to my surprise I begin to
laugh. "Yeah, and we're not in high school anymore," I say, then grab
my purse from the edge of the bed. I march out of the building and straight
down to my car.
On the drive back to the house, I'm surprised by how calm I
feel. I just broke up with my first boyfriend! Shouldn't I feel more…angsty?
Well, I suppose my lack of feelings only validates from me that I did the right
thing. And besides, if I were upset, I'd probably be wishing that I weren't.
As I head around the driveway with my windows open, I can
just hear grunting coming from the side of the house. I park in the garage and
leave through the side door that spits me out on to the back yard. Jack is
weaving through a series of dummies, a football tucked in the crook of his arm
as he practices plays.
"Looking good!" I call out. He stops and looks up.
"Stop objectifying me, Bree," he replies.
"I meant the play!" I answer, rolling my eyes. I
raise my hands just in time to catch the football that he lobs at me.
"You hanging out with Miles tonight?" he asks as I
look down at the ball. My hands are small, so I have to position my fingers at
the back of it, but I make sure to get a good hold on the laces.
"No," I reply as I heave the ball back. I'm
pleased to see it follows a perfect spiral as it flies toward Jack's chest.
"Nice," he says appreciatively, and throws it
back. "I was thinking, maybe it's time for some more advanced
training."
"Oh?" I fumble the ball slightly but manage to
keep hold of it with the tips of my fingers.
"Well, I imagine things are progressing with
Miles, so…" I toss the ball back. "But if you want your first to be
with him, I get it."
The gears in my brain begin to grind overtime as I think
about how to respond. "No, it might be a good idea for us to…just so that
when Miles and I do, I'm really good at it."
"Good," he says with a grin. "As long as
you're sure." I nod, and he throws the ball back, making me turn and run a
few steps to catch it over my shoulder. "It's good that you're dating him,
so that our thing can just be for fun. Certainly makes my mind rest
easier."
"That's…great," I reply with a forced smile. The
ball slips at the last second as I throw it back, and lands at his feet.
"So tonight, then," he says, picking it up.
"Tonight."
Chapter Nineteen
I know it's wrong to have sex with Jack under somewhat false
pretenses, but I also know that I'm ready. Really ready. The feeling causing
the butterflies in my stomach isn't nerves, but excitement. And maybe a tinge
of guilt.
If Jack knows that I broke up with Miles he'll feel more
pressure and worry about me getting attached to him . I can't say that's
a completely unfounded worry, because the
something on the street. As he turns to me and I get a glimpse of the sun
bouncing off his cheekbones, I feel like I'm in high school again and nerves
begin to bubble in my stomach.
"Miles, I don't know quite how to say this…I've never
done anything like this before…" I stumble. He smiles, and actually looks
intrigued. I rush on. "I'm sorry, but I don't think this is working."
"What?" he asks, a frown snapping across his brow.
"I don't think we should see each other anymore. You're
great, but—"
"Is this because I asked you to spend the night? If
you're not ready to have sex then—"
"No, that's not it. I am ready, just not—" I stop
myself from completing that sentence. I don't feel ready to have sex with
Miles, but I don't want to bring up the fact that there's someone else I do
feel ready to have sex with. I clear my throat and take a different tack.
"It's not about sex. I just think we're not the right…fit for each
other," I finally say.
"Fuck, I can't believe you're breaking up with me, "
Miles whines, shaking his head.
"What does that mean?"
"I mean, you're hot and everything, but you were no one
in high school," he replies, spreading his hands in an apologetic gesture.
I feel momentarily stung, but to my surprise I begin to
laugh. "Yeah, and we're not in high school anymore," I say, then grab
my purse from the edge of the bed. I march out of the building and straight
down to my car.
On the drive back to the house, I'm surprised by how calm I
feel. I just broke up with my first boyfriend! Shouldn't I feel more…angsty?
Well, I suppose my lack of feelings only validates from me that I did the right
thing. And besides, if I were upset, I'd probably be wishing that I weren't.
As I head around the driveway with my windows open, I can
just hear grunting coming from the side of the house. I park in the garage and
leave through the side door that spits me out on to the back yard. Jack is
weaving through a series of dummies, a football tucked in the crook of his arm
as he practices plays.
"Looking good!" I call out. He stops and looks up.
"Stop objectifying me, Bree," he replies.
"I meant the play!" I answer, rolling my eyes. I
raise my hands just in time to catch the football that he lobs at me.
"You hanging out with Miles tonight?" he asks as I
look down at the ball. My hands are small, so I have to position my fingers at
the back of it, but I make sure to get a good hold on the laces.
"No," I reply as I heave the ball back. I'm
pleased to see it follows a perfect spiral as it flies toward Jack's chest.
"Nice," he says appreciatively, and throws it
back. "I was thinking, maybe it's time for some more advanced
training."
"Oh?" I fumble the ball slightly but manage to
keep hold of it with the tips of my fingers.
"Well, I imagine things are progressing with
Miles, so…" I toss the ball back. "But if you want your first to be
with him, I get it."
The gears in my brain begin to grind overtime as I think
about how to respond. "No, it might be a good idea for us to…just so that
when Miles and I do, I'm really good at it."
"Good," he says with a grin. "As long as
you're sure." I nod, and he throws the ball back, making me turn and run a
few steps to catch it over my shoulder. "It's good that you're dating him,
so that our thing can just be for fun. Certainly makes my mind rest
easier."
"That's…great," I reply with a forced smile. The
ball slips at the last second as I throw it back, and lands at his feet.
"So tonight, then," he says, picking it up.
"Tonight."
Chapter Nineteen
I know it's wrong to have sex with Jack under somewhat false
pretenses, but I also know that I'm ready. Really ready. The feeling causing
the butterflies in my stomach isn't nerves, but excitement. And maybe a tinge
of guilt.
If Jack knows that I broke up with Miles he'll feel more
pressure and worry about me getting attached to him . I can't say that's
a completely unfounded worry, because the
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