Half Moon Bay by Helene Young Page B

She grimaced. That was not a good thing without a man in her life.
    ‘All asleep?’ Felicity whispered from the door.
    Ellie held a finger to her lips and nodded. Both women tiptoed out and Ellie shut the door silently behind them.
    ‘Wow, but they can talk a lot.’
    ‘Yeah, can’t imagine where they get that from,’ laughed Felicity, heading back to the lounge room. ‘You’re so good with them. They used to drive Nina insane. She was always immaculate and they were grubby four-year-olds then. You two were always so different.’
    Ellie flopped onto the couch. The toys had been stashed away in coloured bins, the books stacked on shelves and she could hear the washing machine churning. ‘Nina never wanted children and I used to think I didn’t either, but . . .’ Ellie struggled against a wave of yearning. ‘I’m not so sure any more. Maybe it’s being home again, but Sarah and Mikey are so much fun, even when they are being cranky six-year-olds.’ She sighed and Felicity handed her another glass of wine before settling on the other end of the couch, her feet stretched out in front her, a toe ring glinting in the light of a lamp. Ellie was grateful Alex hadn’t returned yet to pick her up. She missed spending time with her girlfriend.
    ‘You’ll find someone when the time’s right, Ellie. I’ve never known you to show anything but passing interest in guys before. If they didn’t like being in a dark room developing photographs, they had no chance of taking you out.’
    Ellie smiled. ‘You’re right. I did spend all my teenage years competing with the guys to prove I was better, and then my twenties building a career.’
    ‘And living in Nina’s shadow,’ added Felicity.
    Ellie’s head jerked up. ‘Do you think so?’
    ‘I know so. She was bright and beautiful and fighting the boys off with a stick. You were smart, funny and shy – and quite happy hiding behind her. These last two years must have been especially hard.’
    Ellie cradled her wine glass, swirling the rich red. ‘I guess learning to be me, the solo photojournalist, instead of one half of Wilding Productions, has been a steep, and at times lonely, learning curve. But then . . .’ She struggled for words, not wanting to imply any criticism of her older sister. ‘I finally had the chance to follow the stories I wanted to. Even my writing’s improved. It may never be as good as Nina’s, but it is finding a readership. I’m more interested in the human-spirit angle than the action . . .’ She trailed off again and Felicity didn’t interrupt. ‘I was happy being her support. Maybe losing Mum when we were so young meant we relied on each other more than we should have. She looked out for me. Always.’
    ‘Yes, she did,’ Felicity reassured her. ‘No one was allowed to mess with her little sister.’
    ‘Tom was great, but there were some things a dad was always going to struggle with. Puberty, sex education . . .’ Ellie almost laughed. ‘She sorted all that and so much more so I owed it to her to follow her dream.’
    ‘And now it’s time for your dream.’
    ‘Maybe. I’m sorry I ran out on Dad, but I just couldn’t face the sympathy. I was okay until people told me how brave I was. I wasn’t brave. I wasn’t there to defend her, to save her. I should have been.’ Ellie sat back, hugging a cushion to her chest. ‘And I know it’s just survivor guilt and it’s not rational, but I almost feel like I let Dad down too. The shrink in London that Dad paid a fortune for was no help at all. The month I spent in the UK seeing her was the longest I stayed anywhere. I kept clear of other journos because everyone knew what happened.’ She sighed. Felicity didn’t speak, so Ellie filled the silence.
    ‘Catching up last Christmas with Don McMaster, the American journalist who helped me get Nina out, did more good than any counsellor could. I got drunk, rip-roaring drunk like I never have before, and had a massive