Guinevere Evermore by Sharan Newman Page A

old. Even Arthur is growing old, and I thought at the time that he seemed not much more than a boy, to be leading such an army. But they had the same look about them then that your men do now. You’d have thought the millennium was approaching. It didn’t come, though to my mind Arthur has brought us closer than I ever thought I’d live to see. But the young men today never knew that kind of excitement. Life under Arthur has been too calm. For an old woman, it is joy, but not to these young knights. There is nothing now to challenge them, no battles as their fathers waged. They have to seek out something.”
    “But this is not a battle. There is no reason why a woman could not find this thing. I want to know the secrets of the world as much as any of them.” Brisane set her jaw and glared at them.
    Tertia looked down at her son. She had had four, but only this one had lived. Yes, she had questions for the universe, also. But she would not leave her child to find the answers.
    Risa started to laugh.
    “If you set off alone in that getup, you’ll find the secrets of the world fast enough. It’s all very well for us to make grand talk. But every one of you knows that nothing Arthur can do will keep any woman safe outside of her own lands. That’s the way the world is and I don’t see much hope of its changing soon. So it’s nonsense to go on about it. The only way we go anywhere is tied to some man or other. I’m not saying I like it. I want to go, too. When I saw that light last night, it seemed as if everything I’d ever done were reflected in it . . .”
    “That must have been quite a show,” someone murmured.
    With an angry gesture, Risa continued.
    “It was as if none of it mattered. For just a moment I realized that I had been looking at everything the wrong way, from the wrong direction. All the things that I thought important really weren’t, and there were other things I had not known of which were more wonderful than anything I had imagined. But before I knew what they were, the Grail had gone. Did none of you feel it?”
    Brisane nodded. She rubbed her fingers hard into her boots, as if to erase the dye.
    A voice seemed to come out of the air. “You’re right, Risa. I felt it, too.”
    “Galahad! how long have you been here?” Guinevere looked up, startled.
    His long legs swung from the tree branch above her. The resemblance to his father was pronounced. He didn’t answer her question.
    “I think the knights all have it wrong. I was listening this morning. Everyone is going in a different direction. They are thinking of places where the Grail might be; holy or hidden places. But I don’t think it will be found that way, like a lost ring or buried treasure. It’s not that sort of thing. Cei said it was all an illusion. I believe it’s a symbol, like Gawain’s Green Knight. To find it, I must be something more than I am now. I will need to study and to suffer. There must be tests for worthiness. Those are what we should be seeking.”
    Guinevere stood up, using the boy’s legs to help her rise. Her eyes were wide, her skin tight with terror.
    “What are you talking about? This has nothing to do with you. You’re a child! You’re only a child!”
    He slid down from the tree. With a shock, Guinevere realized that he was as tall as she.
    “I’m almost fourteen, Foster Mother,” he said quietly. “Others my age are going as squires to the knights. I am going with Percival and Palomides."
    “This is insane.” Guinevere spoke softly but her words pierced the air. “It will not be allowed.”
    “What other boys?” Risa asked sharply. The women waited.
    “Almost all of us. Everyone wants to go. But I’m the only one who chose Percival. They all think that since he failed once, he won’t find anything. I wanted to go with my father first, of course, but he wouldn’t let me. He and Gareth are going alone.”
    Guinevere thanked Lancelot in her heart. He knew what it would cost her to give