Grenville 02 - Lord John's Dilemma by G.G. Vandagriff Page A

Nottinghamshire.
    “I guess all my plans must remain suspended until I take stock of Uncle’s property.”
    John went to stand before the window and looked out over Felicity’s garden, which he had grown to love. It was nigh impossible to believe that he should have his own estate, complete with gardens and tenants and the elegant Tudor hall he remembered. “I shall, of course, return here to oversee the harvest. In fact, there is no reason for me to remove to Nottinghamshire at the present time unless our uncle needs me.”
    “With his proclivities, it might be in your best interests to serve as his estate agent rather than mine,” Alex observed.
    “You are probably right. However, you are my family, and we have just become reunited for the first sizable block of time in years.” He turned and looked squarely at his brother. “The fact is, Alex, your family is seeing me through a difficult period. Spending time with you is the only thing that seems to assure me that the future has anything good to offer.”
    “I have suspected that you are suffering from melancholia,” Alex said, his voice low and gentle. “When did it begin to manifest?”
    “It has been my dread companion these last four years. It may remain with me forever.”
    “Uncle may live at least ten more years. He is sixty-three. Two years younger than Father,” Alex stood and put a hand on his brother’s arm with unwonted gentleness. “You are welcome to make your home here with us for as long as you like. I am more than glad that it is having a healing influence upon you. Our family and every other one in England owe you a great debt for your service.”
    “Felicity is a wonderful woman, Alex. Would that I could find such an incomparable lady.”
    “Miss Lindsay?”
    John looked out at the garden again and tried to picture Marianne Lindsay as content as Felicity in the nurture of her family and surroundings. He could not. And Felicity had additional qualities the other woman did not possess—an original mind, a quantity of compassion, a lively interest in the world around her.
    A surprising thought entered John’s head. He suspected Miss Haverley of being all those things, yet he scarcely knew her. At the same time, the idea of living with Miss Lindsay as chatelaine of his Nottingham property felt completely wrong. In fact, the only context in which he could picture himself married to her was the present one. Removed from Grenville Manor and Lindsay Hall, where he would have the warmth of his brother’s family to enjoy, the woman held little allure.
    “Now that I picture her living away from this place that I love, I think not,” he said with a sigh. “And I am afraid I have given her hopes.”
    Alex said, “I agree with you on both counts. She is beautiful, but she is no Felicity. And she has nurtured hopes since she was twelve years old.”
    John sat down in the chair again, leaning forward, his elbows on his thighs, his hands linked. “A lot of things are going through my mind right now. Thinking of Miss Lindsay in Nottinghamshire is opening my eyes.” He stared at the Aubusson carpet but saw only Marianne Lindsay’s wistful face as she talked about London. “It occurs to me that I have been blind to her wishes and desires, thinking only that securing her hand would mean raising my children in these surroundings. I have been considering only myself and have been deaf to her desire for London. I thought if we lived here in the neighborhood with access to her family and mine that she would be content.”
    “John, do you love the woman?” Alex asked.
    He looked up at his brother. “I don’t know. I have never been in love, to my knowledge.”
    Alex sighed. “Do you feel that she is the only woman in the world for you? That you would do anything to bring about her happiness? It sounds to me as though you are thinking primarily of yourself.”
    His brother’s words were like a knife thrust. “I am a selfish beggar, aren’t