Got It Going On by Stephanie Perry Moore Page A

screamed, kicking Uncle Bill while he was down on the floor. He was too frightened to move one muscle.
    â€œMom, are you okay?”
    â€œYou got all this damage that can’t be erased, and you’re worried about me?” She pulled back.
    â€œSis,” Bill said, approaching my mom and grabbing her leg, “I’m sorry.”
    She snarled, “There’s nothing you can say to ease this situation. Get the heck outta my house now before I change my mind and end it all for you. Bill, you done made me crazy! I hate you. Leave.”
    â€œWhere am I supposed to go? I ain’t got nothing or nowhere to be,” he said with tears in his eyes.
    â€œAll those women you bring over my house—go stay with one of them. Go live on the streets and become humble so you can understand the innocence you stole from my child and your sister. Looking at you turns my stomach. You’re a nasty bastard.”
    My mom picked up the lamp from the family room, yanked the plug from the wall, and threw it at the back of his head. It shattered while he ran out of the house without looking back.
    I just sank on the couch, rocking back and forth, replaying over and over again in my mind what I now remembered. Everything he’d done to me was so disgusting. Once the memories came flooding back like a dam that had been broken, I knew every horrifying detail.
    I was finally confronting my past and what had happened to me. As I sat there weeping, I finally understood that what had happened to me was not my fault.

    The next few days, when my mom was at work and my aunt was off doing her own thing, my uncle would come around begging me for food, begging me to let him take a bath but, most irritatingly, begging me to forgive him.
    Uncle Bill pleaded, “Cassidy, I know I was wrong. I’ve thought about it a lot, and I didn’t mean to hurt you like that. I thought you would let it fly, or that maybe it didn’t even happen—”
    â€œIt didn’t even happen?” I said, completely cutting him off. “Night after night, I can’t even breathe, let alone sleep. I keep going over it again and again in my head. Why did I want to be so promiscuous? Because you exposed me to something too early and in absolutely the wrong way. It did so much damage I allowed myself to be violated again just a few months ago. I’ve been on medication just to clear my head of the incident, so forgiving you is definitely out of the question!”
    He stood there, tripping on my honesty. He looked away, so sad. I shoved a piece of fried chicken and bread in his hand and slammed the door in his face.
    My mom wanted me to stay through New Year’s, but there was just no way. Over the holiday my house became the most unbearable place. My sorority sisters wanted me to party with them, but I wasn’t down for their excitement either. My family was irreconcilably damaged, and that was nothing to celebrate.
    And I guess Isha knew I didn’t wanna be alone because she suggested I go with her to watch night service. Truth be told, seeing Konner Black again didn’t sound too bad. He intrigued me. I wasn’t sure if the idea of being in his presence or allowing the Spirit to make me whole again was pushing me more to want to join Isha.
    Either way, I got dressed and was ready to leave at ten PM. We arrived at the packed church a few minutes after the service had started. Quickly, we sat in the pews, joining other high school and college kids to hear Konner Black preach.
    â€œYou think you can start the New Year off doing the same shady things you did this year? You’re wrong. God wants to change your heart in the New Year and leave your past in the old one. But let me keep it real. You might have to forgive some people to truly move on to the high calling and the place God wants you to be.”
    Okay, now I was squirming in my seat. I didn’t need to hear him speak about forgiveness. Yeah, it was