had no effect on me. “You think we’re just going to be friends? What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Her eyes were guarded and it was impossible to tell what she was thinking, like always. Even in our relationship, her inner thoughts were a mystery to me. Perhaps if I’d known, I would have predicted the epic way she ripped out my heart. “Troy, it’s been over a year. I just thought you would have let it go by now.”
“Let it go?” I released a laugh even though the situation was anything but funny. “We were together for three years and then you just left me. And you lied about it. I had to see you with some guy to figure out what really happened. And I was going to propose…I had the ring and everything.” Why did I tell her that? I was showing her my weakness and I hated myself for it. I was so fucking pathetic.
Her eyes softened for the first time in years. She regarded me differently, like she saw me as a new person. “You were going to propose…?”
“Why do you think I wanted to go to the Grand Canyon?” I spat. “Just because? I told you that place is just a dump and there’s nothing to see.”
Her eyes softened further. “That’s where you were going to do it?”
Why was I still talking to her? Why was I standing here? I was being paid to be someone else’s date, not stand here and go to battle with my ex. I hated the fact I was still attached to her, in some odd way. I hated the fact that when I looked at her, I still thought she was beautiful. “Fuck off, Alexia.” I grabbed the drinks the second the bartender put them down and hightailed it to my table.
Patricia grabbed the drink and took a sip. “What took so long?”
“I was talking to your friend Alexia. She’s very nice.” I put on a fake face and pretended my heart wasn’t broken all over again. Why did I have to tell Alexia I was about to propose? Why couldn’t I just let go of the past and move on?
Alexia returned to the table with her drink and sat right across from me.
I looked at anything but her, pretending she was a stranger. I kept my focus on Patricia, acting as a loving boyfriend that only cared about her. Her dress rose up when she sat down because it was already so short. But I didn’t look. I thought about the one thing that gave me comfort.
Harper.
***
The second I dropped off Patricia at her door, I called Harper. It was late but I wanted to see her.
“Muh?” she said on the fifth ring. She was clearly asleep.
“Did I wake you, sleepyhead?” I teased. The second I heard her voice I was in a better mood.
“Ugh…hmm.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “I don’t understand gibberish, Harper.”
“What do you want?” she finally said in a raspy voice.
“To see you, of course.”
“It’s almost one in the morning,” she argued.
“But I miss you.” I meant it. I meant it more than I realized.
“I’m too tired, Troy…”
“Can I sleep with you?” The last person I slept with was Alexia. The idea of sleeping so close to someone didn’t sound appetizing at all. But with Harper, it did.
“I’m not in the mood to get busy tonight.”
I laughed because she sounded half-dead. “I meant just sleep with you.” I didn’t want to be alone right now. I was too depressed. My conversation with Alexia was making me feel worse with every passing second.
“Okay,” she said. “But I look like hell right now.”
“I highly doubt that.”
“Let me paint a picture for you,” she said. “Messy bun, plaid pajama bottoms, and a t-shirt stained with syrup.”
“Why syrup?” I asked.
“Because I love waffles, alright? Get off my case.”
“You could wash your shirt…” She was such an odd ball sometimes.
“Or I could just go to bed and not care.”
I kept walking then entered her apartment building. “I’m almost there. I suggest you change your shirt.”
“Nope. You’re dropping by, and I refuse to accommodate someone stopping by at one in the morning.”
“Then I’ll lick
Her eyes were guarded and it was impossible to tell what she was thinking, like always. Even in our relationship, her inner thoughts were a mystery to me. Perhaps if I’d known, I would have predicted the epic way she ripped out my heart. “Troy, it’s been over a year. I just thought you would have let it go by now.”
“Let it go?” I released a laugh even though the situation was anything but funny. “We were together for three years and then you just left me. And you lied about it. I had to see you with some guy to figure out what really happened. And I was going to propose…I had the ring and everything.” Why did I tell her that? I was showing her my weakness and I hated myself for it. I was so fucking pathetic.
Her eyes softened for the first time in years. She regarded me differently, like she saw me as a new person. “You were going to propose…?”
“Why do you think I wanted to go to the Grand Canyon?” I spat. “Just because? I told you that place is just a dump and there’s nothing to see.”
Her eyes softened further. “That’s where you were going to do it?”
Why was I still talking to her? Why was I standing here? I was being paid to be someone else’s date, not stand here and go to battle with my ex. I hated the fact I was still attached to her, in some odd way. I hated the fact that when I looked at her, I still thought she was beautiful. “Fuck off, Alexia.” I grabbed the drinks the second the bartender put them down and hightailed it to my table.
Patricia grabbed the drink and took a sip. “What took so long?”
“I was talking to your friend Alexia. She’s very nice.” I put on a fake face and pretended my heart wasn’t broken all over again. Why did I have to tell Alexia I was about to propose? Why couldn’t I just let go of the past and move on?
Alexia returned to the table with her drink and sat right across from me.
I looked at anything but her, pretending she was a stranger. I kept my focus on Patricia, acting as a loving boyfriend that only cared about her. Her dress rose up when she sat down because it was already so short. But I didn’t look. I thought about the one thing that gave me comfort.
Harper.
***
The second I dropped off Patricia at her door, I called Harper. It was late but I wanted to see her.
“Muh?” she said on the fifth ring. She was clearly asleep.
“Did I wake you, sleepyhead?” I teased. The second I heard her voice I was in a better mood.
“Ugh…hmm.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “I don’t understand gibberish, Harper.”
“What do you want?” she finally said in a raspy voice.
“To see you, of course.”
“It’s almost one in the morning,” she argued.
“But I miss you.” I meant it. I meant it more than I realized.
“I’m too tired, Troy…”
“Can I sleep with you?” The last person I slept with was Alexia. The idea of sleeping so close to someone didn’t sound appetizing at all. But with Harper, it did.
“I’m not in the mood to get busy tonight.”
I laughed because she sounded half-dead. “I meant just sleep with you.” I didn’t want to be alone right now. I was too depressed. My conversation with Alexia was making me feel worse with every passing second.
“Okay,” she said. “But I look like hell right now.”
“I highly doubt that.”
“Let me paint a picture for you,” she said. “Messy bun, plaid pajama bottoms, and a t-shirt stained with syrup.”
“Why syrup?” I asked.
“Because I love waffles, alright? Get off my case.”
“You could wash your shirt…” She was such an odd ball sometimes.
“Or I could just go to bed and not care.”
I kept walking then entered her apartment building. “I’m almost there. I suggest you change your shirt.”
“Nope. You’re dropping by, and I refuse to accommodate someone stopping by at one in the morning.”
“Then I’ll lick
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