Gone for Good by Harlan Coben Page B

dark. Tanya met us on the way out.
    "Are you going to tell?" she asked, her words slurred.
    I never hurt him. That was what she said. She never raised a hand to him. Too true.
    Without another word, we hurried back outside, almost diving into the night air. We sucked down deep breaths, divers breaking the surface short on air, got back to the van, and drove away.

10
    Grand Island, Nebraska Sheila wanted to die alone.
    Strangely enough, the pain was diminishing now. She wondered why. There was no light, though, no moment of stark clarity. There was no comfort in death. No angels surrounded her. No long-gone relatives she thought of her grandmother, the woman who'd made her feel special, who'd called her "Treasure" came and held her hand.
    Alone. In the dark.
    She opened her eyes. Was she dreaming right now? Hard to say. She'd been hallucinating earlier. She'd been slipping in and out of consciousness. She remembered seeing Carly's face and begging her to go away. Had that been real? Probably not. Probably an illusion.
    When the pain got bad, really bad, the line between awake and sleep, between reality and dreams, blurred. She did not fight it anymore. It was the only way you could survive the agony. You try to block the pain. That doesn't work. You try to break the pain down into manageable time intervals. That doesn't work either. Finally, you find the only outlet available: your sanity.
    You let go of your sanity.
    But if you can recognize what's happening, are you really letting go?
    Deep philosophical questions. They were for the living. In the end, after all the hopes and dreams, after all the damage and rebuilding, Sheila Rogers would end up dying young and in pain and at the hands of another.
    Poetic justice, she supposed.
    Because now, as she felt something inside her cleave and tear and pull away, there was indeed a clarity. A horrible, inescapable one. The blinders were being lifted, and for once she could see the truth.
    Sheila Rogers wanted to die alone.
    But he was in the room with her. She was sure of it. She could feel his hand resting gently on her forehead now. It made her cold. As she felt the life force slipping away, she made one last plea.
    "Please," she said. "Go away."

11
    Squares and I did not discuss what we'd seen. We also did not call the police. I pictured Louis Castman trapped in that room, unable to move, nothing to read, no TV or radio, nothing to look at except those old photographs. If I were a better person, I might have even cared.
    I also thought about the Garden City man who'd shot Louis Castman and then turned his back, his rejection probably scarring Tanya worse than Castman ever could. I wondered if Mr. Garden City still thought about Tanya or if he'd just gone on as if she'd never existed. I wondered if her face haunted his dreams.
    I doubted it.
    I thought about all this because I was curious and horrified. But I also did it because it stopped me from thinking about Sheila, about what she'd been, about what Castman had done to her. I reminded myself that she was the victim here, kidnapped and raped and worse, and that nothing she had done had been her fault. I should not view her any differently. But this clearheaded and obvious rationale would not stick.
    And I hated myself for that.
    It was nearly four in the morning when the van pulled up to my building.
    "What do you make of it so far?" I asked.
    Squares stroked his stubble. "What Castman said at the end there. About it never leaving her. He's right, you know."
    "You speaking from experience?"
    "As a matter of fact, I am."
    "So?"
    "So my guess is that something from her past came back and got her."
    "We're on the right track then."
    "Probably," Squares said.
    I grabbed the door handle and said, "Whatever she's done whatever you've done it may never leave you. But it doesn't condemn you either."
    Squares stared out the window. I waited. He kept staring. I stepped out and he drove away.
    A message on the phone knocked me back a