tress?"
"I consume only plankton," the Monster honked, affronted. "Do you think there would be enough damsels in all Xanth to feed me, if your heinous charge were true?"
Grundy contemplated the enormous bulk of the crea- ture, and realized it was true. A thousand damsels would not sustain that mountain of flesh. "Plankton?"
"It's a magic food found only in the sea. Very tasty. I strain it through my teeth."
"But those tusks—"
"Are for self-defense, of course. There are some pretty bad creatures out there."
"Uh, I guess I was led astray by your reputation," Grundy said, embarrassed.
"You shouldn't credit hearsay," the Monster reproved him. "Now why is this mock-damsel here?"
"I set it up," Grundy confessed. "It was the only way to summon you."
"You perpetrated this indignity?" The saucer-eyes red- dened alarmingly.
"I need your help! It isn't only damsels that get in distress, you know."
The Monster considered. "I suppose that could be true," he said, relenting. On a scale of ten, his orbs declined from a bloodshot factor of eight to six. "In what manner?"
"I need to get to the Ivory Tower."
"The Ivory Tower!" the beast honked, his eyes shoot- ing up to nine. "I never go near that accursed device!"
"Oh? What do you have against it?"
"Look at these tusks!" the Monster honked, waving them in the golem's direction alarmingly. "Of what do you suppose they are made?"
"Uh—ivory?"
"Precisely. And that Tower—"
"I see your point. Someone wants your tusks for that tower."
The orbs ameliorated. "Actually, no. The Tower has been complete for centuries. But it was fashioned of the ivory of many innocent monsters like me, and every time I hear about it I think of the sacrifice of those poor crea- tures to the greed of the Sea Hag."
"The Sea Hag?"
"She who crafted the Tower. A horrendous witch, the scourge of the sea."
"I'm not sure I like this," Grundy said. "I have to ride the Monster Under the Bed to the Ivory Tower, if I am to rescue a banished dragon."
"A dragon-damsel in distress?" the Monster inquired, intrigued.
"No, this is Stanley Steamer, a male dragon, formerly of the Gap Chasm."
"Oh, thai dragon! I wondered why he had been replaced by a female, recently. Still, if he's locked in the Ivory Tower—"
"I'm not sure that's the case," Grundy confessed. "I understand that Rapunzel is actually at the Tower, and maybe she will know where Stanley is."
"There's a damsel in that Tower? She must be in dis- tress!"
"Well, I don't know anything about her, except that she corresponds with Ivy, the daughter of the human King."
"If she's in that Tower, she's captive to the Sea Hag, and she's certainly in distress!"
Grundy realized that this could be a useful interpre- tation. "That might be the case. Perhaps she needs res- cuing."
"I hate the Ivory Tower, and I hate the Sea Hag," the Monster honked passionately. "I shall have to rescue that damsel!"
"Well, since I need to go there anyway—"
"Yes, yes, to be sure," the Monster agreed. "We must be instantly on our way. There's no telling what horrors the Sea Hag visits upon that damsel daily!"
"To be honest. Ivy didn't say anything about horrors," Grundy said. "Ivy sends boxes of junk to Rapunzel, and
Rapunzel sends boxes of puns. I don't think it's an even exchange, but I wouldn't exactly call it horror, either."
"Are they good puns or bad puns?"
"Is there such a thing as a good pun?"
"Of course not! They must be bad puns. If that's all she has to send, she must be living in horror."
Grundy nodded. "I hadn't thought of it that way. You're right, of course. We'll have to rescue her. But we can't start till evening, because I have to bring Snortimer along, and his bed."
"Impossible!" the Monster honked.
Grundy thought fast. "A night start would be better, to fool the Sea Hag."
The Monster considered. His blubber paled. "We'll wait."
Grundy had won his point. Somehow he did not feel reassured. What was there about the Sea Hag that put such a
"I consume only plankton," the Monster honked, affronted. "Do you think there would be enough damsels in all Xanth to feed me, if your heinous charge were true?"
Grundy contemplated the enormous bulk of the crea- ture, and realized it was true. A thousand damsels would not sustain that mountain of flesh. "Plankton?"
"It's a magic food found only in the sea. Very tasty. I strain it through my teeth."
"But those tusks—"
"Are for self-defense, of course. There are some pretty bad creatures out there."
"Uh, I guess I was led astray by your reputation," Grundy said, embarrassed.
"You shouldn't credit hearsay," the Monster reproved him. "Now why is this mock-damsel here?"
"I set it up," Grundy confessed. "It was the only way to summon you."
"You perpetrated this indignity?" The saucer-eyes red- dened alarmingly.
"I need your help! It isn't only damsels that get in distress, you know."
The Monster considered. "I suppose that could be true," he said, relenting. On a scale of ten, his orbs declined from a bloodshot factor of eight to six. "In what manner?"
"I need to get to the Ivory Tower."
"The Ivory Tower!" the beast honked, his eyes shoot- ing up to nine. "I never go near that accursed device!"
"Oh? What do you have against it?"
"Look at these tusks!" the Monster honked, waving them in the golem's direction alarmingly. "Of what do you suppose they are made?"
"Uh—ivory?"
"Precisely. And that Tower—"
"I see your point. Someone wants your tusks for that tower."
The orbs ameliorated. "Actually, no. The Tower has been complete for centuries. But it was fashioned of the ivory of many innocent monsters like me, and every time I hear about it I think of the sacrifice of those poor crea- tures to the greed of the Sea Hag."
"The Sea Hag?"
"She who crafted the Tower. A horrendous witch, the scourge of the sea."
"I'm not sure I like this," Grundy said. "I have to ride the Monster Under the Bed to the Ivory Tower, if I am to rescue a banished dragon."
"A dragon-damsel in distress?" the Monster inquired, intrigued.
"No, this is Stanley Steamer, a male dragon, formerly of the Gap Chasm."
"Oh, thai dragon! I wondered why he had been replaced by a female, recently. Still, if he's locked in the Ivory Tower—"
"I'm not sure that's the case," Grundy confessed. "I understand that Rapunzel is actually at the Tower, and maybe she will know where Stanley is."
"There's a damsel in that Tower? She must be in dis- tress!"
"Well, I don't know anything about her, except that she corresponds with Ivy, the daughter of the human King."
"If she's in that Tower, she's captive to the Sea Hag, and she's certainly in distress!"
Grundy realized that this could be a useful interpre- tation. "That might be the case. Perhaps she needs res- cuing."
"I hate the Ivory Tower, and I hate the Sea Hag," the Monster honked passionately. "I shall have to rescue that damsel!"
"Well, since I need to go there anyway—"
"Yes, yes, to be sure," the Monster agreed. "We must be instantly on our way. There's no telling what horrors the Sea Hag visits upon that damsel daily!"
"To be honest. Ivy didn't say anything about horrors," Grundy said. "Ivy sends boxes of junk to Rapunzel, and
Rapunzel sends boxes of puns. I don't think it's an even exchange, but I wouldn't exactly call it horror, either."
"Are they good puns or bad puns?"
"Is there such a thing as a good pun?"
"Of course not! They must be bad puns. If that's all she has to send, she must be living in horror."
Grundy nodded. "I hadn't thought of it that way. You're right, of course. We'll have to rescue her. But we can't start till evening, because I have to bring Snortimer along, and his bed."
"Impossible!" the Monster honked.
Grundy thought fast. "A night start would be better, to fool the Sea Hag."
The Monster considered. His blubber paled. "We'll wait."
Grundy had won his point. Somehow he did not feel reassured. What was there about the Sea Hag that put such a
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