and resent. I intend to hold you to your promises.”
That morning I had shared with Miss Cameron my failure to follow up on Mae Tao’s whereabouts and had admitted to her, my voice cracking, that I had no excuse for my lack of concern except my own desire for enjoyment. Donaldina had not judged or condemned me, but the steel I heard in her voice at the conclusion of our meeting made me realize that my story had generated in her a vague unvoiced doubt about my dependability and intentions. As unarticulated as her disquiet was and as much as she attempted to keep her tone level, I heard an unmistakable wavering of belief in my character as she spoke. I knew that the responsibility she carried for 920 and its inhabitants justified her concern, but the uncertainty I heard in her voice shamed and hurt me.
“I expect to be held to my promises,” I replied. “I don’t make them lightly.” My words made her smile.
“You needn’t take that tone with me, Dinah.”
“What tone?”
“The one that dares me to challenge you, the same tone you probably used to hold the Boxers at bay for eight weeks.” She stood up. “I believe our expectations are in complete harmony and that pleases me. We will see you next Monday morning and every Monday and Tuesday for at least the next six weeks. Beyond that, we will make additional arrangements for your services on a weekly basis, understanding that your sister’s health may necessitate changes.” She put out her hand. “It’s a deal, Dinah. Men make them on a handshake. Why shouldn’t women do the same?”
“Why, indeed?” I rose and grasped her hand in mine. “It’s a deal, Dolly. You may rely on me.” She understood the depth of meaning behind my words.
“I know,” she answered simply, and the renewed confidence I heard in her few words warmed my heart.
Following our meeting, I went upstairs to find Suey Wah and nearly gasped when I entered the sickroom where I had last seen her. She was standing up fully dressed before Fei Yen, who was seated on a chair muttering and tugging at one of the sleeves of the child’s plain shirtwaist.
“Suey Wah!” I cried. “Look at my little bird! Are you strong enough to be out of bed?”
“Oh yes,” she responded, suddenly shy in my presence. “I am a very strong girl. Fei Yen and I wished to surprise you by coming down the stairs to you, but I fear my small arms have displeased Fei Yen because they do not fit this fine garment.”
Clearly, the shirtwaist sleeves were much too long and Fei Yen, struggling to roll them up Suey Wah’s thin arms in neat turns, finally gave up on the task, saying to me, “It is time for Suey Wah to join the other girls in chores and lessons, Miss Hudson. Lo Mo feels that the community is the greatest aid in the girls’ return to good health. And Suey Wah must learn English. She is in America now. The doctor said being up would not harm her, only she must continue to rest every afternoon until she has fully regained her strength. Bah!” With the last impatient word directed to the stubborn sleeves, Fei Yen stood and put her hands on Suey Wah’s shoulders, turning her to face me. “Your little bird heard you were here and wished to surprise you, and we would have done so, too, except for these large sleeves. Why is all this material necessary?”
Because I often asked myself that same question whenever I tried to fasten the many buttons at the bottom of flowing mutton-leg sleeves, I answered sympathetically, “I have no idea other than the fickle whim of fashion.” I crouched down in front of Suey Wah and rolled up her sleeves with a quick and practiced hand. Leaning back on my heels, I smiled. “There. Will that do?”
Suey Wah held out her arms in front of her and eyed my handiwork. “Oh, yes, Qing. Thank you.”
The appearance of her thin wrists that stuck out like two brittle sticks below the rolled-up sleeves touched me, and I moved quickly to take a seat on the edge of Suey
That morning I had shared with Miss Cameron my failure to follow up on Mae Tao’s whereabouts and had admitted to her, my voice cracking, that I had no excuse for my lack of concern except my own desire for enjoyment. Donaldina had not judged or condemned me, but the steel I heard in her voice at the conclusion of our meeting made me realize that my story had generated in her a vague unvoiced doubt about my dependability and intentions. As unarticulated as her disquiet was and as much as she attempted to keep her tone level, I heard an unmistakable wavering of belief in my character as she spoke. I knew that the responsibility she carried for 920 and its inhabitants justified her concern, but the uncertainty I heard in her voice shamed and hurt me.
“I expect to be held to my promises,” I replied. “I don’t make them lightly.” My words made her smile.
“You needn’t take that tone with me, Dinah.”
“What tone?”
“The one that dares me to challenge you, the same tone you probably used to hold the Boxers at bay for eight weeks.” She stood up. “I believe our expectations are in complete harmony and that pleases me. We will see you next Monday morning and every Monday and Tuesday for at least the next six weeks. Beyond that, we will make additional arrangements for your services on a weekly basis, understanding that your sister’s health may necessitate changes.” She put out her hand. “It’s a deal, Dinah. Men make them on a handshake. Why shouldn’t women do the same?”
“Why, indeed?” I rose and grasped her hand in mine. “It’s a deal, Dolly. You may rely on me.” She understood the depth of meaning behind my words.
“I know,” she answered simply, and the renewed confidence I heard in her few words warmed my heart.
Following our meeting, I went upstairs to find Suey Wah and nearly gasped when I entered the sickroom where I had last seen her. She was standing up fully dressed before Fei Yen, who was seated on a chair muttering and tugging at one of the sleeves of the child’s plain shirtwaist.
“Suey Wah!” I cried. “Look at my little bird! Are you strong enough to be out of bed?”
“Oh yes,” she responded, suddenly shy in my presence. “I am a very strong girl. Fei Yen and I wished to surprise you by coming down the stairs to you, but I fear my small arms have displeased Fei Yen because they do not fit this fine garment.”
Clearly, the shirtwaist sleeves were much too long and Fei Yen, struggling to roll them up Suey Wah’s thin arms in neat turns, finally gave up on the task, saying to me, “It is time for Suey Wah to join the other girls in chores and lessons, Miss Hudson. Lo Mo feels that the community is the greatest aid in the girls’ return to good health. And Suey Wah must learn English. She is in America now. The doctor said being up would not harm her, only she must continue to rest every afternoon until she has fully regained her strength. Bah!” With the last impatient word directed to the stubborn sleeves, Fei Yen stood and put her hands on Suey Wah’s shoulders, turning her to face me. “Your little bird heard you were here and wished to surprise you, and we would have done so, too, except for these large sleeves. Why is all this material necessary?”
Because I often asked myself that same question whenever I tried to fasten the many buttons at the bottom of flowing mutton-leg sleeves, I answered sympathetically, “I have no idea other than the fickle whim of fashion.” I crouched down in front of Suey Wah and rolled up her sleeves with a quick and practiced hand. Leaning back on my heels, I smiled. “There. Will that do?”
Suey Wah held out her arms in front of her and eyed my handiwork. “Oh, yes, Qing. Thank you.”
The appearance of her thin wrists that stuck out like two brittle sticks below the rolled-up sleeves touched me, and I moved quickly to take a seat on the edge of Suey
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