mothers who just give up making their kids go to school when parenting becomes too tough for them.
Before I met Desiree, I imagined her to be this hard-ass and worldly woman. She had a job as a hostess at some fancy restaurant in Houston—something I could never handle. I did the same type of job and got fired for sleeping at the front desk, just prior to entering porn. Desiree was also a full-time drug dealer. She used and sold crystal methamphetamine. Tyler was proud of her for her street smarts and for making so much money at such a young age. Desiree was proud of her business, too. She and Tyler spoke often on the phone. They were close. I’m sure she knew that he sold hash in Barcelona while he was going to culinary school, but I’m not sure if she knew about the D r ¯ a no acid he’d sold to the neighborhood schoolchildren. She looked up to him and found nothing wrong with making extra cash just like her big brother. She even sent us some product in the mail. As a surprise, Desiree would call the night before to tell us a present was coming. The next day, a FedEx envelope would arrive at our doorstep. I’d even signed for it. Delivered to our door with love, a bag of crystal meth and a couple bars of Xanax!
Bringing Desiree to LA was our way of saying thanks for all the packages of drugs she sent us out of the kindness of her little Texan heart. We never gave her any money for the meth she sent because we hardly had enough to pay our bills at the time. That was all over now—being broke was a thing of the past. Porno economy. There would be no limits to spending on all the fun we could have.
Desiree was a sweet little girl. I was taken aback by how young she really was. Her baby face was seventeen, no matter how much crystal she was doing. She tried to like me, but I could tell she didn’t trust me. Tyler told her I was a cheater, and that spoiled any chances of our being friends. It must have been so strange for her while Tyler tried to explain and substantiate the fact we did porn. She didn’t want to hear it, but she nodded and smiled, accepting it. I was so wrapped up in my own battles with morality that I didn’t really think about her well-being too much. The fact that she was seventeen and visiting us to hang out and do drugs should have been a bigger issue than my doing porn. Desiree said she could handle herself and had her life under control. Only three years older than her, I was the furthest thing from a good example. I tried to respect her decisions. She wanted to quit school and sell drugs.
Within the first hour of hanging out in our apartment, Desiree and Tyler taught me how to smoke crystal meth. Desiree fashioned a foil pipe into something that looked like an aluminum volcano. Tyler hollowed out a cheap ballpoint pen that served as a straw. Using the straw, we three chased the dragon together. After one of us lit the meth, melting it, we would take turns sucking up the smoke. The effects of smoking it, as opposed to sniffing lines, were much stronger. It smelled like a smokestack from a plastic factory. The smoke was a light grey and I could definitely taste every single chemical when it filled up my mouth. I tried to hold it in as long as I could, because that supposedly got you higher. Smoking meth made my whole body numb and light, without the burn that comes from sniffing it. It turned my brain into a ball of helium and lifted my body off the floor.
For days, the three of us smoked crystal, did coke, ate ecstasy, and drank booze. We made it out to the concert, four hours away near Palm Springs. I really can’t remember much, but I do have some snapshots from the trip. We look fucked up and very happy. Desiree, Tyler, and I are so skinny holding on to each other in the photos. A group of degenerates. Tyler’s eyes are half open and rolling back into his skull. We all have maniacal smiles on our mouths. It was supposed to be a good time. We had all the drugs we could possibly want.
On
Before I met Desiree, I imagined her to be this hard-ass and worldly woman. She had a job as a hostess at some fancy restaurant in Houston—something I could never handle. I did the same type of job and got fired for sleeping at the front desk, just prior to entering porn. Desiree was also a full-time drug dealer. She used and sold crystal methamphetamine. Tyler was proud of her for her street smarts and for making so much money at such a young age. Desiree was proud of her business, too. She and Tyler spoke often on the phone. They were close. I’m sure she knew that he sold hash in Barcelona while he was going to culinary school, but I’m not sure if she knew about the D r ¯ a no acid he’d sold to the neighborhood schoolchildren. She looked up to him and found nothing wrong with making extra cash just like her big brother. She even sent us some product in the mail. As a surprise, Desiree would call the night before to tell us a present was coming. The next day, a FedEx envelope would arrive at our doorstep. I’d even signed for it. Delivered to our door with love, a bag of crystal meth and a couple bars of Xanax!
Bringing Desiree to LA was our way of saying thanks for all the packages of drugs she sent us out of the kindness of her little Texan heart. We never gave her any money for the meth she sent because we hardly had enough to pay our bills at the time. That was all over now—being broke was a thing of the past. Porno economy. There would be no limits to spending on all the fun we could have.
Desiree was a sweet little girl. I was taken aback by how young she really was. Her baby face was seventeen, no matter how much crystal she was doing. She tried to like me, but I could tell she didn’t trust me. Tyler told her I was a cheater, and that spoiled any chances of our being friends. It must have been so strange for her while Tyler tried to explain and substantiate the fact we did porn. She didn’t want to hear it, but she nodded and smiled, accepting it. I was so wrapped up in my own battles with morality that I didn’t really think about her well-being too much. The fact that she was seventeen and visiting us to hang out and do drugs should have been a bigger issue than my doing porn. Desiree said she could handle herself and had her life under control. Only three years older than her, I was the furthest thing from a good example. I tried to respect her decisions. She wanted to quit school and sell drugs.
Within the first hour of hanging out in our apartment, Desiree and Tyler taught me how to smoke crystal meth. Desiree fashioned a foil pipe into something that looked like an aluminum volcano. Tyler hollowed out a cheap ballpoint pen that served as a straw. Using the straw, we three chased the dragon together. After one of us lit the meth, melting it, we would take turns sucking up the smoke. The effects of smoking it, as opposed to sniffing lines, were much stronger. It smelled like a smokestack from a plastic factory. The smoke was a light grey and I could definitely taste every single chemical when it filled up my mouth. I tried to hold it in as long as I could, because that supposedly got you higher. Smoking meth made my whole body numb and light, without the burn that comes from sniffing it. It turned my brain into a ball of helium and lifted my body off the floor.
For days, the three of us smoked crystal, did coke, ate ecstasy, and drank booze. We made it out to the concert, four hours away near Palm Springs. I really can’t remember much, but I do have some snapshots from the trip. We look fucked up and very happy. Desiree, Tyler, and I are so skinny holding on to each other in the photos. A group of degenerates. Tyler’s eyes are half open and rolling back into his skull. We all have maniacal smiles on our mouths. It was supposed to be a good time. We had all the drugs we could possibly want.
On
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