I’m Colorado.”
He closed his eyes. She was right. She couldn’t be real—not if he had any chance of standing upright when she left—but at that moment he wished on every star in the sky that she could be. But what did that matter? The stars didn’t exist there. Not the real ones, not over the glow of the neon. “Why did you put on the shirt?”
“Because you scared me.”
Her response startled him. “In what way?”
“You said you were scared. And here I’ve been thinking I’m just gullible or clingy or whatever makes people boil rabbits after a one-night stand and that it was just me. But then you said it was you, too, and I just don’t know what to do with that.”
“Who the hell boils rabbits after a one-night stand?” he asked. “Is that actually a thing?”
“It’s a thing in a movie,” she said. “And I can barely stand to scramble eggs, so you’re safe.”
Yeah, sure he was. Only apparently neither of them felt that way. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“It’s not that. Not exactly. It’s just…I was engaged once.”
Great. Just what he wanted to hear.
She frowned, and he wondered just who she saw in her mind’s eye. “He was the first person who ever wanted me,” she said.
Jax severely doubted that, but he didn’t interrupt.
“I waited forever. Took it slow. I used it as some kind of test of his love—that if he was willing to wait for me, he must really love me. And he waited. Said he’d wait forever as long as he had me in the end. I fell. So hard. When you spend most of your life feeling like no one needs you, that’s pretty much the best thing a person can say. I need you. You’re worth the wait. ”
Well, good for that bastard. Jax hated him already. “So what happened?”
“He only waited with me. Had a girl on the side who kept him entertained because I wouldn’t—one he didn’t give up when I gave in. Three years into our relationship and a month after I lost my virginity to him, I walked in on them. I was devastated. And the worst part was it wasn’t some frantic, torrid thing. He held her in a way he never held me. I actually stood there for a minute before they noticed me. I stood there and thought, why can’t I be loved like that?”
“Oh, God, Ellie.”
“Yeah, well, I snapped out of it pretty quickly. They’re still together, but I don’t think they’ll be having any children—at least not the old-fashioned way.”
He ached for her. Wanted to pulverize the asshole who had hurt her in such a way. But more than anything, he wanted to fill that void.
He wanted to be the one who loved her like that. Could he? He’d learned a long time ago he wasn’t someone who could be trusted, but those old lessons had no place here. He wanted to be that man. He wanted that for her.
The need raged quietly, fueling something he didn’t know he had to give. And suddenly he didn’t care how he’d manage when she left. He stood on the edge of that, on the edge of giving in and giving everything, when she spoke.
“I waited so long. That was supposed to be right. This should be what feels wrong, but it doesn’t.” She ran her fingertips down his chest. Spoke quietly. “One night was never supposed to feel like this.”
“Baby, it shouldn’t feel like anything less.”
He kissed her then, all the fire a barely restrained torrent. He actually shook with the need to consume her, but he held back. Held her. Held on. Nothing in the world had ever felt better than having her body aligned with his, his fingers tangled so gently in her hair, her mouth his own. He could taste her growing urgency, feel her heat. He walked her backward to the bed, stripping her of the shirt as he went. He pushed the bedding out of the way, then lay her down on the cool sheets.
She watched intently as he lost his jeans and tore open a condom. He rolled it on, then crawled on top of her, pulling the blankets over his back and he lowered against
He closed his eyes. She was right. She couldn’t be real—not if he had any chance of standing upright when she left—but at that moment he wished on every star in the sky that she could be. But what did that matter? The stars didn’t exist there. Not the real ones, not over the glow of the neon. “Why did you put on the shirt?”
“Because you scared me.”
Her response startled him. “In what way?”
“You said you were scared. And here I’ve been thinking I’m just gullible or clingy or whatever makes people boil rabbits after a one-night stand and that it was just me. But then you said it was you, too, and I just don’t know what to do with that.”
“Who the hell boils rabbits after a one-night stand?” he asked. “Is that actually a thing?”
“It’s a thing in a movie,” she said. “And I can barely stand to scramble eggs, so you’re safe.”
Yeah, sure he was. Only apparently neither of them felt that way. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“It’s not that. Not exactly. It’s just…I was engaged once.”
Great. Just what he wanted to hear.
She frowned, and he wondered just who she saw in her mind’s eye. “He was the first person who ever wanted me,” she said.
Jax severely doubted that, but he didn’t interrupt.
“I waited forever. Took it slow. I used it as some kind of test of his love—that if he was willing to wait for me, he must really love me. And he waited. Said he’d wait forever as long as he had me in the end. I fell. So hard. When you spend most of your life feeling like no one needs you, that’s pretty much the best thing a person can say. I need you. You’re worth the wait. ”
Well, good for that bastard. Jax hated him already. “So what happened?”
“He only waited with me. Had a girl on the side who kept him entertained because I wouldn’t—one he didn’t give up when I gave in. Three years into our relationship and a month after I lost my virginity to him, I walked in on them. I was devastated. And the worst part was it wasn’t some frantic, torrid thing. He held her in a way he never held me. I actually stood there for a minute before they noticed me. I stood there and thought, why can’t I be loved like that?”
“Oh, God, Ellie.”
“Yeah, well, I snapped out of it pretty quickly. They’re still together, but I don’t think they’ll be having any children—at least not the old-fashioned way.”
He ached for her. Wanted to pulverize the asshole who had hurt her in such a way. But more than anything, he wanted to fill that void.
He wanted to be the one who loved her like that. Could he? He’d learned a long time ago he wasn’t someone who could be trusted, but those old lessons had no place here. He wanted to be that man. He wanted that for her.
The need raged quietly, fueling something he didn’t know he had to give. And suddenly he didn’t care how he’d manage when she left. He stood on the edge of that, on the edge of giving in and giving everything, when she spoke.
“I waited so long. That was supposed to be right. This should be what feels wrong, but it doesn’t.” She ran her fingertips down his chest. Spoke quietly. “One night was never supposed to feel like this.”
“Baby, it shouldn’t feel like anything less.”
He kissed her then, all the fire a barely restrained torrent. He actually shook with the need to consume her, but he held back. Held her. Held on. Nothing in the world had ever felt better than having her body aligned with his, his fingers tangled so gently in her hair, her mouth his own. He could taste her growing urgency, feel her heat. He walked her backward to the bed, stripping her of the shirt as he went. He pushed the bedding out of the way, then lay her down on the cool sheets.
She watched intently as he lost his jeans and tore open a condom. He rolled it on, then crawled on top of her, pulling the blankets over his back and he lowered against
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