isn’t what every young girl would want, but I do like a bit of youth about me. You’d be doing an old widow a great favour.”
A lump in Kate’s throat threatened to choke her. She had never thought to find such kindness again. It was almost too much to bear. Yet she could not take advantage of the old lady’s ignorance.
Lady Cahill had made the offer without knowing the real reason why Kate could never enter society, would never be able to marry, why no decent man would have her. Kate would have to tell her, explain once and for all. And afterwards she would no doubt have to leave and return to the life she had planned for herself before Lady Cahill’s well-meaning interference.
Chapter Five
” Lady Cahill,” said Kate, “I do thank you, but your offer is made in ignorance of my circumstances. If I were to accept, you would surely despise me once you learned the truth. And society would condemn you or think you a fool to have been so taken in.”
When Lady Cahill saw the look on Kate’s face she bit back the pithy comment she had been about to make on her complete indifference to society’s opinions on anything.
“May I ask why, child?”
Kate was very nervous. She didn’t want to tell Lady Cahill, didn’t want to lose her affection and her respect. But there was no choice. The story would eventually come out—it always did. Better to get it over with, instead of having the threat hanging over her.
“I am not regarded as fit for marriage,” said Kate at last.
“Will you tell me why, child?”
“It’s a long story,” said Kate. “When my brothers, Jemmy and Ben, went to the war on the Peninsula, my father and I accompanied them. I’ve spent the last three years living with the army.”
“Child. How dreadful for you!” Lady Cahill looked appalled.
Kate shook her head. “No, ma’am, it wasn’t at all. In fact those three years, while the boys and my father were alive, were the best years of my life.”
Lady Cahill made a shocked sound of disbelief and Kate smiled ruefully. “I’m afraid it’s true. I. . .I’ve always been a bit of a hoyden, you understand, and I found the life suited me—much better than at the vicarage. I was never lonely and . . .and my father valued me as he never had before.” She looked down at her hands. “You see, when my mother died, Papa blamed me—she died giving birth to me.”
“But, child, that was not your—”
“Oh, I know, but Papa could never see that… You said I had my mother’s eyes… Papa was a good man, but when he looked at me all he could see was my dead mother. . .so he never looked at me. Never. ’ Kate choked on the word.
“Oh, my dear…”
“But somehow, on the Peninsula, things changed. Perhaps, with death and danger all around us, everything else faded into insignificance. I don’t know… And because, in such a difficult situation, comfort comes to mean a great deal…” Kate looked at Lady Cahill. “I became quite a good housekeeper, you see. And hot food at almost any hour, a warm, dry place to sleep and clean clothing mean a lot to men at war…”
She sighed. “They truly needed me and I was happier than I have ever been in my life. . .until poor Ben was killed at Ciudad Rodrigo…” She fell silent for a moment, then continued, “And then everything fell apart at Salamanca.”
Lady Cahill frowned. Jack had been wounded at Salamanca.
As she spoke, Kate’s hands unknowingly began to pleat the stuff of her skirt in tiny, deliberate folds. “Last July, our army was retreating from the Douro River, back towards Salamanca—you may have read of it; the newspapers hate it when we retreat. The French were close behind us. At times they were even parallel with us and so close that you could see them through the swirling clouds of dust.” She gulped.
“Jemmy was hit in the chest… We got him on to our cart. . .but with all the dust and confusion we fell a long way behind.”
She turned
A lump in Kate’s throat threatened to choke her. She had never thought to find such kindness again. It was almost too much to bear. Yet she could not take advantage of the old lady’s ignorance.
Lady Cahill had made the offer without knowing the real reason why Kate could never enter society, would never be able to marry, why no decent man would have her. Kate would have to tell her, explain once and for all. And afterwards she would no doubt have to leave and return to the life she had planned for herself before Lady Cahill’s well-meaning interference.
Chapter Five
” Lady Cahill,” said Kate, “I do thank you, but your offer is made in ignorance of my circumstances. If I were to accept, you would surely despise me once you learned the truth. And society would condemn you or think you a fool to have been so taken in.”
When Lady Cahill saw the look on Kate’s face she bit back the pithy comment she had been about to make on her complete indifference to society’s opinions on anything.
“May I ask why, child?”
Kate was very nervous. She didn’t want to tell Lady Cahill, didn’t want to lose her affection and her respect. But there was no choice. The story would eventually come out—it always did. Better to get it over with, instead of having the threat hanging over her.
“I am not regarded as fit for marriage,” said Kate at last.
“Will you tell me why, child?”
“It’s a long story,” said Kate. “When my brothers, Jemmy and Ben, went to the war on the Peninsula, my father and I accompanied them. I’ve spent the last three years living with the army.”
“Child. How dreadful for you!” Lady Cahill looked appalled.
Kate shook her head. “No, ma’am, it wasn’t at all. In fact those three years, while the boys and my father were alive, were the best years of my life.”
Lady Cahill made a shocked sound of disbelief and Kate smiled ruefully. “I’m afraid it’s true. I. . .I’ve always been a bit of a hoyden, you understand, and I found the life suited me—much better than at the vicarage. I was never lonely and . . .and my father valued me as he never had before.” She looked down at her hands. “You see, when my mother died, Papa blamed me—she died giving birth to me.”
“But, child, that was not your—”
“Oh, I know, but Papa could never see that… You said I had my mother’s eyes… Papa was a good man, but when he looked at me all he could see was my dead mother. . .so he never looked at me. Never. ’ Kate choked on the word.
“Oh, my dear…”
“But somehow, on the Peninsula, things changed. Perhaps, with death and danger all around us, everything else faded into insignificance. I don’t know… And because, in such a difficult situation, comfort comes to mean a great deal…” Kate looked at Lady Cahill. “I became quite a good housekeeper, you see. And hot food at almost any hour, a warm, dry place to sleep and clean clothing mean a lot to men at war…”
She sighed. “They truly needed me and I was happier than I have ever been in my life. . .until poor Ben was killed at Ciudad Rodrigo…” She fell silent for a moment, then continued, “And then everything fell apart at Salamanca.”
Lady Cahill frowned. Jack had been wounded at Salamanca.
As she spoke, Kate’s hands unknowingly began to pleat the stuff of her skirt in tiny, deliberate folds. “Last July, our army was retreating from the Douro River, back towards Salamanca—you may have read of it; the newspapers hate it when we retreat. The French were close behind us. At times they were even parallel with us and so close that you could see them through the swirling clouds of dust.” She gulped.
“Jemmy was hit in the chest… We got him on to our cart. . .but with all the dust and confusion we fell a long way behind.”
She turned
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