would a zombie taste like?
My mind went everyplace…and nowhere worth staying. Basically, I was a wreck. I realized before noon that Lisa had come to mean more to me than anybody else ever had in my life. Which begs the question; how pathetic was my life up to this point? I was a thirty-something woman when I changed, and I was now having my first real and meaningful relationship.
I started thinking about my past. I imagine if this was a movie, then there would be some sappy song playing while all these scenes with fuzzy edges and a lot of slow motion played on the screen. The problem that I was coming up with was the fact that not even my mind could manufacture anything worth replaying.
Is it me, or has everything reached a point where nobody cares about anybody anymore unless there is a big disaster and a telethon? Here is a question. What are the first names of your neighbors…on both sides! What do they do for fun?
When I was little, there were all these shows on when I got home from school. I watched The Brady Bunch and Bewitched and The Courtship of Eddie’s Father each afternoon while I waited for my mom to get home from her secretary job in some office with a boss that smelled like onions and dirty feet.
The life I saw on television is what I thought was waiting for me when I grew up. I never really clued in to the fact that my home was so far from all of that, yet I clung to this dream that every day would be an adventure to be wrapped up by the time I climbed into bed with my Mike Brady…my version, not the gay one on television. And no, I’m not calling him names, he really was gay. Seriously, I read that somewhere.
As I got older, I started to realize that things were not going to be like on television. For one, there was that whole thing about my flat chest, but it was lots of other things. And by the time I graduated, I didn’t have a clue. So I drifted.
But it just seems that the last few years we have become more and more withdrawn as a society. That is why I was able to lie dead on my bathroom floor for a few days and nobody noticed. We really don’t notice anything that is not put directly in front of us.
So I thought about Lisa. I thought about how I really hadn’t appreciated her being with me until now…when she is gone. But through it all, it kept coming back to one thing. This all ha ppened because of Adrianna, The Queen of the Zombies. Well I was going to fix her little red wagon.
And that was another thing! When I was little, we played with wagons and Barbies and regular stuff. Now, if it isn’t run by a computer chip, kids look at it like it might try to steal their soul.
Rrrrinnng.
Hmm. Who could be calling me in the middle of the day? I guess anybody. That was one of the things that Lisa used to take care of before she up and left.
“Hello?” I answered on the third ring. Just in case it was Lisa, I didn’t want her to think that I was sitting here waiting for the phone to ring and have it be her.
“What is wrong with your society?” a voice scolded.
Wasn’t I just thinking about that? How funny. But this person was directing a question at me, perhaps I should answer. “And who is this speaking?”
“Ava, it’s me… Adrianna?”
Oh, speaking of the bitch and most recent pain in my ass. “What are you talking about?” I had to ask since I really didn’t know what she was talking about. I mean it could be an indic tment on our public schools, or maybe the most recent property tax bond—although I doubted it was the last one. The Queen of the Zombies probably didn’t pay taxes. Plus, the only reason I knew such a thing existed is because there was a commercial on television for it right this very second.
“Virgins.”
I waited. I mean surely she had to have something bothering her other than virgins. And why would people be bothered by virgins? Seems to me that they don’t fuck with anybody. See what I did there? The whole not fucking thing? Geez, I hate
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