going to have to stop himself or not stop himself, and that’s much more anxiety-provoking.’
Thompson’s view reflects what seems to be the consensus in France : making kids face up to limitations and deal with frustration turns them into happier, more resilient people. And one of the main ways to gently induce frustration, on a daily basis, is to make children wait a bit. As with the Pause as a sleep strategy, French parents have homed in on this one thing. They treat waiting not just as one important quality among many, but as a cornerstone of raising kids.
I’m still mystified by France’s national baby-feeding schedule. How do French babies all end up eating at the same times, if their mothers don’t make them do it? When I point this out, mothers continue to wax eloquent about rhythms and flexibility, and about how each child is different.
But after a while, I realize that they also take a few principles for granted, even if they don’t always mention them. The first principle is that, after the first few months, a baby should eat at roughly the same time each day. The second is that babies should have a few big feeds rather than a lot of small ones. And the third is that the baby should fit into the rhythm of the family.
So while it’s true that they don’t force their babies on to a schedule, they do nudge them towards it by observing these three principles.
Votre Enfant
says the ideal is to breastfeed on demand for the first few months, and then bring the baby ‘progressively and flexibly, to regular hours that are more compatible with daily life’.
If parents follow these principles and the baby wakes up at seven or eight, and you think he should wait about four hours between meals, he is going to be routed on to the national meal plan. He’ll eat in the morning. He’ll eat again around noon. He’ll have an afternoon feed around four, and then eat again at about 8 pm, before bed. When he cries at 10:30 am, you’re going to assume that what’s best for him is to wait until lunchtime and have a big feed then. It might take a while for him to ease into this rhythm. Parents do this gradually, not abruptly. But eventually the baby gets used to it, the same way that grown-ups do. The parents get used to it too.
Martine says that for the first few months she nursed Paulette on demand. Around the third month, to get her to wait three hours between feeds, she took her for walks or put her in a sling, where Paulette would usually quickly stop crying. Martine then did the same when she wanted to space out the feeding times to four hours. Martine says she never let either of her kids cry for very long. Gradually, she says, they just fell into the rhythm of eating four times a day. ‘I was really flexible, I’m just like that,’ she says.
The critical assumption is that while the baby has his own rhythm, the family and the parents have rhythms too. The ideal, in France, is to find a balance between these two. The parenting book
Your Child
explains, ‘You and your baby each have your rights, and every decision is a compromise.’
Bean’s regular paediatrician never mentioned this four-meal-a-day plan to me. But he’s away at Bean’s next appointment. His replacement is a young French woman who has a daughter about Bean’s age. When I ask her about the schedule, she says that –
bien sûr
– Bean should only be eating four times a day. Then the doctor grabs some Post-its and scribbles down the Schedule. It’s the same one again: morning, noon, 4 pm and 8 pm. When I later ask Bean’s regular doctor why he never mentioned this, he says he prefers not to suggest schedules to Anglophone parents, because they become too doctrinaire about them.
It takes a few weeks, but we gradually nudge Bean on to this schedule. It turns out that she can take the wait. She just needed a bit of practice.
Gâteau au Yaourt (Yogurt Cake)
2 tubs plain whole-milk yogurt (the individual portion-sized tubs, about 175g/6
Thompson’s view reflects what seems to be the consensus in France : making kids face up to limitations and deal with frustration turns them into happier, more resilient people. And one of the main ways to gently induce frustration, on a daily basis, is to make children wait a bit. As with the Pause as a sleep strategy, French parents have homed in on this one thing. They treat waiting not just as one important quality among many, but as a cornerstone of raising kids.
I’m still mystified by France’s national baby-feeding schedule. How do French babies all end up eating at the same times, if their mothers don’t make them do it? When I point this out, mothers continue to wax eloquent about rhythms and flexibility, and about how each child is different.
But after a while, I realize that they also take a few principles for granted, even if they don’t always mention them. The first principle is that, after the first few months, a baby should eat at roughly the same time each day. The second is that babies should have a few big feeds rather than a lot of small ones. And the third is that the baby should fit into the rhythm of the family.
So while it’s true that they don’t force their babies on to a schedule, they do nudge them towards it by observing these three principles.
Votre Enfant
says the ideal is to breastfeed on demand for the first few months, and then bring the baby ‘progressively and flexibly, to regular hours that are more compatible with daily life’.
If parents follow these principles and the baby wakes up at seven or eight, and you think he should wait about four hours between meals, he is going to be routed on to the national meal plan. He’ll eat in the morning. He’ll eat again around noon. He’ll have an afternoon feed around four, and then eat again at about 8 pm, before bed. When he cries at 10:30 am, you’re going to assume that what’s best for him is to wait until lunchtime and have a big feed then. It might take a while for him to ease into this rhythm. Parents do this gradually, not abruptly. But eventually the baby gets used to it, the same way that grown-ups do. The parents get used to it too.
Martine says that for the first few months she nursed Paulette on demand. Around the third month, to get her to wait three hours between feeds, she took her for walks or put her in a sling, where Paulette would usually quickly stop crying. Martine then did the same when she wanted to space out the feeding times to four hours. Martine says she never let either of her kids cry for very long. Gradually, she says, they just fell into the rhythm of eating four times a day. ‘I was really flexible, I’m just like that,’ she says.
The critical assumption is that while the baby has his own rhythm, the family and the parents have rhythms too. The ideal, in France, is to find a balance between these two. The parenting book
Your Child
explains, ‘You and your baby each have your rights, and every decision is a compromise.’
Bean’s regular paediatrician never mentioned this four-meal-a-day plan to me. But he’s away at Bean’s next appointment. His replacement is a young French woman who has a daughter about Bean’s age. When I ask her about the schedule, she says that –
bien sûr
– Bean should only be eating four times a day. Then the doctor grabs some Post-its and scribbles down the Schedule. It’s the same one again: morning, noon, 4 pm and 8 pm. When I later ask Bean’s regular doctor why he never mentioned this, he says he prefers not to suggest schedules to Anglophone parents, because they become too doctrinaire about them.
It takes a few weeks, but we gradually nudge Bean on to this schedule. It turns out that she can take the wait. She just needed a bit of practice.
Gâteau au Yaourt (Yogurt Cake)
2 tubs plain whole-milk yogurt (the individual portion-sized tubs, about 175g/6
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