warns.
“Kidding. Bye,” I say sweetly before hitting the end button.
After taking a couple more fortifying breaths, I head out back. The light from the barn casts a long, yellow pool of light so that I can spot Greer, sitting atop the picnic table, his head propped up on closed fists. I use the short walk to ascertain that he does look better. The dark circles that have been haunting his eyes seem to have lifted somewhat, and the little smile on his face almost reaches his eyes. I sure hope he lets his hair grow back. The short, buzzed look makes him look older and cynical for some reason. I know deep down that he’ll never be that carefree boy again, but I hope he can get some of that back.
“You’re looking better,” I say with a smile.
“Yeah,” he gives me a sheepish look. “I’ve been seeing someone. It’s helping.”
I gasp, completely winded, as if someone punched me square in the stomach. Since I didn’t mean to, my hand immediately flies up to cover my mouth. Oh my God! How could he? So soon after … everything. What the fuck? You’re seeing someone , a little voice taunts. My eyes bulge with unanswered questions. Questions I don’t want the answers to. I just want to run. To get away from him now. I stagger, taking two steps back.
He gives me a funny look before his face collapses with worry. He jumps down and moves to embrace me before pulling himself up short. His fists clench at his sides. “Denver? Are you kidding me? Not like that. I’m seeing a therapist.”
My rapid breathing sounds ragged, even to my own ears. That was so not a proper reaction. Even if he had been seeing someone. You don’t react to someone like that if you’re over him. Fuck. Fucking fuck. What does that mean? “Greer, you have every right to see someone. I just want you to be happy.” Sounds like I just gargled glass.
He squints his eyes at me. “Denver, I’ve never imagined myself with another human being. Ever. A few weeks away from you is not gonna solve that. I can’t even … I don’t know how I would ever want someone else. Not to mention the fact that I need to figure out how I’ve got it in me to do what I did to you.”
“I’m sorry. That reaction was uncalled for—because you are going to want someone else one day, and when you do, I’ve got to be all right with that. More than that, I’ve got to be happy with it. Because, more than anything else, you deserve to be happy.”
The skin around his eyes tightens, and his eyes glisten. “You think the man who raped you deserves to be happy?”
“Oh my God, Greer. I wish you wouldn’t say it like that.”
“Why? That’s what happened. We have to face facts.”
“It’s not like you weren’t provoked. It’s not like I didn’t … respond … on some level. I just didn’t want you when you told me how you’d betrayed me.”
“You didn’t want me, and I took you anyway,” he bites out, each word a hammering staccato. “That is the very definition of rape.”
“Please stop saying that word. I know the definition. I know what went down between us. I also know that a dictionary is in fucking black and white, and what happened between us is anything but. It’s so heavy and so gray I can’t even make it all out. Do you understand? I know it was wrong. It hurt me. I accept that. But because of who you are—” I tap him on his chest hard “—who you are, deep in here. A good person to the core, Greer, you’re hurt too. I think you’re hurting more than me even because you’re better than me. You’ve always been better than me.” Turning around, I collapse on the picnic bench. Tears score my cheeks, hot and heavy with anger and frustration and hurt. For him. And for me.
Raising my eyes, I run my gaze over Greer’s rigid back. He stands tall and firm, but I can hear the rise and fall of his deep breaths as he tries to collect himself. Running the sleeves of my jacket over my face, I try to dry my cheeks. After several,
“Kidding. Bye,” I say sweetly before hitting the end button.
After taking a couple more fortifying breaths, I head out back. The light from the barn casts a long, yellow pool of light so that I can spot Greer, sitting atop the picnic table, his head propped up on closed fists. I use the short walk to ascertain that he does look better. The dark circles that have been haunting his eyes seem to have lifted somewhat, and the little smile on his face almost reaches his eyes. I sure hope he lets his hair grow back. The short, buzzed look makes him look older and cynical for some reason. I know deep down that he’ll never be that carefree boy again, but I hope he can get some of that back.
“You’re looking better,” I say with a smile.
“Yeah,” he gives me a sheepish look. “I’ve been seeing someone. It’s helping.”
I gasp, completely winded, as if someone punched me square in the stomach. Since I didn’t mean to, my hand immediately flies up to cover my mouth. Oh my God! How could he? So soon after … everything. What the fuck? You’re seeing someone , a little voice taunts. My eyes bulge with unanswered questions. Questions I don’t want the answers to. I just want to run. To get away from him now. I stagger, taking two steps back.
He gives me a funny look before his face collapses with worry. He jumps down and moves to embrace me before pulling himself up short. His fists clench at his sides. “Denver? Are you kidding me? Not like that. I’m seeing a therapist.”
My rapid breathing sounds ragged, even to my own ears. That was so not a proper reaction. Even if he had been seeing someone. You don’t react to someone like that if you’re over him. Fuck. Fucking fuck. What does that mean? “Greer, you have every right to see someone. I just want you to be happy.” Sounds like I just gargled glass.
He squints his eyes at me. “Denver, I’ve never imagined myself with another human being. Ever. A few weeks away from you is not gonna solve that. I can’t even … I don’t know how I would ever want someone else. Not to mention the fact that I need to figure out how I’ve got it in me to do what I did to you.”
“I’m sorry. That reaction was uncalled for—because you are going to want someone else one day, and when you do, I’ve got to be all right with that. More than that, I’ve got to be happy with it. Because, more than anything else, you deserve to be happy.”
The skin around his eyes tightens, and his eyes glisten. “You think the man who raped you deserves to be happy?”
“Oh my God, Greer. I wish you wouldn’t say it like that.”
“Why? That’s what happened. We have to face facts.”
“It’s not like you weren’t provoked. It’s not like I didn’t … respond … on some level. I just didn’t want you when you told me how you’d betrayed me.”
“You didn’t want me, and I took you anyway,” he bites out, each word a hammering staccato. “That is the very definition of rape.”
“Please stop saying that word. I know the definition. I know what went down between us. I also know that a dictionary is in fucking black and white, and what happened between us is anything but. It’s so heavy and so gray I can’t even make it all out. Do you understand? I know it was wrong. It hurt me. I accept that. But because of who you are—” I tap him on his chest hard “—who you are, deep in here. A good person to the core, Greer, you’re hurt too. I think you’re hurting more than me even because you’re better than me. You’ve always been better than me.” Turning around, I collapse on the picnic bench. Tears score my cheeks, hot and heavy with anger and frustration and hurt. For him. And for me.
Raising my eyes, I run my gaze over Greer’s rigid back. He stands tall and firm, but I can hear the rise and fall of his deep breaths as he tries to collect himself. Running the sleeves of my jacket over my face, I try to dry my cheeks. After several,
Similar Books
