ground. Why that common ground necessitated me sleeping with someone once a month was beyond me, but I had no desire to ask Scarlet in that moment. Yet another discussion we needed to have.
"Maybe you're right," I whispered. "I have no idea how I'm going to get around this one, Coop."
"I think you may have some one night stands in your future,” he joked, pulling me back into his side.
“Shit.” I exhaled loudly in an effort to calm the rising anxiety I felt. A one night stand was so not going to be in my future. Ever.
“Yeah, well...don't worry. We'll figure something out.”
I let the reality of my situation sink in for one more moment before I diffused it the only way I knew how—humor.
“Well, Coop,” I said, sighing theatrically as I started. “Thanks for not fucking me tonight.”
He choked on a laugh.
“My pleasure, Ruby. My pleasure.”
10
Though I was completely exhausted from a night of shenanigans, I couldn't sleep. Perhaps it was the lingering heat, or the half-human chainsaw sawing logs next to me, but I was totally restless. Something just wasn't sitting right with my being.
I eased out of the bed, so as not to rouse Cooper, and made my way over to the bay window. Perching myself on the built-in bench, I looked out at the city. The sky had opened up and rain lightly spattered the large panes of glass before me. I gazed at the droplets as they stuck to the window, not heavy enough to roll until multiple drops accumulated and wove their way down the surface in a jagged, wandering path. It was soothing. I watched, thinking how nice it would be to go through life with no direction, no responsibilities, no pressures or accountability. I longed for a life lacking external and uncontrollable forces.
I traced the droplets' paths as they meandered down the pane slowly, sometimes pausing before continuing on their way, or awaiting another aqueous passenger to join their journey. It was when I watched one single drop resist the downward pull of the others that collided with it that I realized my observations were completely wrong.
The water wasn't free at all.
It sat helplessly awaiting the impulse of another to drive it, pull it—force it in a different direction. It was very much how I felt. I was never one to sit back and let the world dictate my life. I went to college as a blind student integrated into “normal” classes. I took the world head on when I gained sight, refusing to hole up and wallow in the events that created it. I ventured to a new place and started a new life without anyone supporting me, other than the finances I inherited. I was nobody's victim.
But as the months went on after my Change, the reality that my life was no longer only governed by the choices I made and the universe at large slowly crept in. Instead, I felt like I was in a bizarre game of pinball, being shoved, slapped, and prodded in directions I'd have never chosen for myself. Scarlet was blackmailing me into sex, Sean was doing whatever it was that Sean did in the name of keeping me alive, and the Rev was the wild card. Why was I the target of his insanity? What did he need revenge for, and what did that have to do with me?
I didn't like being vulnerable to his mental assaults, having no clue how to defend myself against them, and I was pretty sure they did nothing for my reputation with the PC. It was undeniable that the Rev and I had a connection of some sort, but why we did had me completely baffled. I'd never even seen him before that first night when he came to me after viciously attacking that woman in the alleyway. In reflection, it was like he was performing for me, announcing his presence. Was it a challenge?
I knew nothing about pack dynamics, rogues, and other little wolfy nuances that I probably should have by that point, so I made a point to ask Cooper about it in the morning. He'd been involved with one of the most notorious packs in the world, and I knew he learned a lot by blending in and
"Maybe you're right," I whispered. "I have no idea how I'm going to get around this one, Coop."
"I think you may have some one night stands in your future,” he joked, pulling me back into his side.
“Shit.” I exhaled loudly in an effort to calm the rising anxiety I felt. A one night stand was so not going to be in my future. Ever.
“Yeah, well...don't worry. We'll figure something out.”
I let the reality of my situation sink in for one more moment before I diffused it the only way I knew how—humor.
“Well, Coop,” I said, sighing theatrically as I started. “Thanks for not fucking me tonight.”
He choked on a laugh.
“My pleasure, Ruby. My pleasure.”
10
Though I was completely exhausted from a night of shenanigans, I couldn't sleep. Perhaps it was the lingering heat, or the half-human chainsaw sawing logs next to me, but I was totally restless. Something just wasn't sitting right with my being.
I eased out of the bed, so as not to rouse Cooper, and made my way over to the bay window. Perching myself on the built-in bench, I looked out at the city. The sky had opened up and rain lightly spattered the large panes of glass before me. I gazed at the droplets as they stuck to the window, not heavy enough to roll until multiple drops accumulated and wove their way down the surface in a jagged, wandering path. It was soothing. I watched, thinking how nice it would be to go through life with no direction, no responsibilities, no pressures or accountability. I longed for a life lacking external and uncontrollable forces.
I traced the droplets' paths as they meandered down the pane slowly, sometimes pausing before continuing on their way, or awaiting another aqueous passenger to join their journey. It was when I watched one single drop resist the downward pull of the others that collided with it that I realized my observations were completely wrong.
The water wasn't free at all.
It sat helplessly awaiting the impulse of another to drive it, pull it—force it in a different direction. It was very much how I felt. I was never one to sit back and let the world dictate my life. I went to college as a blind student integrated into “normal” classes. I took the world head on when I gained sight, refusing to hole up and wallow in the events that created it. I ventured to a new place and started a new life without anyone supporting me, other than the finances I inherited. I was nobody's victim.
But as the months went on after my Change, the reality that my life was no longer only governed by the choices I made and the universe at large slowly crept in. Instead, I felt like I was in a bizarre game of pinball, being shoved, slapped, and prodded in directions I'd have never chosen for myself. Scarlet was blackmailing me into sex, Sean was doing whatever it was that Sean did in the name of keeping me alive, and the Rev was the wild card. Why was I the target of his insanity? What did he need revenge for, and what did that have to do with me?
I didn't like being vulnerable to his mental assaults, having no clue how to defend myself against them, and I was pretty sure they did nothing for my reputation with the PC. It was undeniable that the Rev and I had a connection of some sort, but why we did had me completely baffled. I'd never even seen him before that first night when he came to me after viciously attacking that woman in the alleyway. In reflection, it was like he was performing for me, announcing his presence. Was it a challenge?
I knew nothing about pack dynamics, rogues, and other little wolfy nuances that I probably should have by that point, so I made a point to ask Cooper about it in the morning. He'd been involved with one of the most notorious packs in the world, and I knew he learned a lot by blending in and
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