really has sprung a leak and it’s sinking,
fast, and pulling me down with it. Without a word, I stand and head
for the room next door, for the ladder to the deck house, fighting
to keep my steps sure and steady.
“ Neima, what are you—”
Mother calls at the same moment as Father says, “I don’t think
that’s a good id—”
But then Arisi and Shai, both of whom
have been listening to our entire exchange, rise to follow me, and
chaos erupts. “Arisi, you can’t!” Japheth calls, while Aunt Zeda
flies in like a whirlwind from the far corner of the room and yanks
Shai back.
“ I want to see!” Shai
whines, and I turn back toward her. As Zeda hangs impatiently above
us, I kneel so my eyes are level with Shai and whisper so only she
can hear me:
“ I need you to stay here
and watch Aliye, all right? She’ll be scared if we both leave.”
Shai narrows her eyes almost shrewdly—she knows I’m putting her
off. But after chewing her lip for a moment, she turns back toward
the dove.
Arisi and Japheth are still bickering
as we near the ladder, and my earlier guilt and fear is turning to
frustration. What are the men keeping from us, and what makes them
think they have the right to do so? “You would treat your wife like
a child,” I ask Japheth, “when she is carrying your own babe even
now?”
“ I’m only trying to keep
her safe!” Japheth says as Arisi pushes past both of us.
“ You don’t have to talk
about me like I’m not here,” she snaps, grabbing the ladder with
tightly clenched hands.
“ Shem,” Japheth asks my
father, “will you allow this?”
“ They’ll have to know
eventually.” Father’s voice is defeated, but I refuse to look at
him. He’s right: I have to know.
Japheth shoots me a glare as he helps
Arisi up the ladder and I follow behind. “Well,” I mutter under my
breath, “it’s not like one trip up a ladder will make her lose the
baby.”
I’m relieved that neither Mother nor
Father climbs the ladder, but I’m equally relieved—though I won’t
let Japheth know so—that I’m not up here alone. Inside the deck
house, the windows are still too high for me to see much, so I
throw open the door and step out into the rain and the wind. The
sudden chill rolls through me, refreshing at first, but as I draw
closer to the edge of the deck the drop in temperature feels
increasingly sinister.
And then I’m at the railing, clutching
the wood barrier so tight the flesh of my palms burns, but still
I’m falling, or maybe floating—certainly I’m not on solid ground
any longer, for there is no solid ground and the world is upside
down. The sky is below us, a thick liquid swirl that’s not blue or
black or gray, green or brown or white, but somehow all of these
colors at once. Mostly it’s just one dark mass that blends
seamlessly into the clouds and falling rain above it, so that there
seems to be no distinction between what is overhead and what is
beneath us. But I know, in the churning pit of my stomach, that
what’s below is not a cloudy sky but water, water that extends in
all directions, farther than the eye can see, water with no end and
no bottom, water that my mind rejects as impossible even as my eyes
insist it is there before me.
Japheth and Arisi approach
the railing beside me, but I barely register their presence, for
I’ve begun to make out the things in the water, tossing and turning on the endless
waves, adding the glints of colors within the blue-gray. I see
branches with a few bedraggled leaves still hanging on, entire tree
trunks, and even, at the end of one trunk, a mass of roots that
must have been torn forcibly from the ground. I see glints of straw
atop mud-brick slabs that must once have been roofs, or walls. I
see broken clay pots and wooden barrels, long, torn strips of
leather that might once have covered tents, and bloated masses of
fur that I fear are—were—animals, though I’m loathe to look too
close.
And then something drifts
fast, and pulling me down with it. Without a word, I stand and head
for the room next door, for the ladder to the deck house, fighting
to keep my steps sure and steady.
“ Neima, what are you—”
Mother calls at the same moment as Father says, “I don’t think
that’s a good id—”
But then Arisi and Shai, both of whom
have been listening to our entire exchange, rise to follow me, and
chaos erupts. “Arisi, you can’t!” Japheth calls, while Aunt Zeda
flies in like a whirlwind from the far corner of the room and yanks
Shai back.
“ I want to see!” Shai
whines, and I turn back toward her. As Zeda hangs impatiently above
us, I kneel so my eyes are level with Shai and whisper so only she
can hear me:
“ I need you to stay here
and watch Aliye, all right? She’ll be scared if we both leave.”
Shai narrows her eyes almost shrewdly—she knows I’m putting her
off. But after chewing her lip for a moment, she turns back toward
the dove.
Arisi and Japheth are still bickering
as we near the ladder, and my earlier guilt and fear is turning to
frustration. What are the men keeping from us, and what makes them
think they have the right to do so? “You would treat your wife like
a child,” I ask Japheth, “when she is carrying your own babe even
now?”
“ I’m only trying to keep
her safe!” Japheth says as Arisi pushes past both of us.
“ You don’t have to talk
about me like I’m not here,” she snaps, grabbing the ladder with
tightly clenched hands.
“ Shem,” Japheth asks my
father, “will you allow this?”
“ They’ll have to know
eventually.” Father’s voice is defeated, but I refuse to look at
him. He’s right: I have to know.
Japheth shoots me a glare as he helps
Arisi up the ladder and I follow behind. “Well,” I mutter under my
breath, “it’s not like one trip up a ladder will make her lose the
baby.”
I’m relieved that neither Mother nor
Father climbs the ladder, but I’m equally relieved—though I won’t
let Japheth know so—that I’m not up here alone. Inside the deck
house, the windows are still too high for me to see much, so I
throw open the door and step out into the rain and the wind. The
sudden chill rolls through me, refreshing at first, but as I draw
closer to the edge of the deck the drop in temperature feels
increasingly sinister.
And then I’m at the railing, clutching
the wood barrier so tight the flesh of my palms burns, but still
I’m falling, or maybe floating—certainly I’m not on solid ground
any longer, for there is no solid ground and the world is upside
down. The sky is below us, a thick liquid swirl that’s not blue or
black or gray, green or brown or white, but somehow all of these
colors at once. Mostly it’s just one dark mass that blends
seamlessly into the clouds and falling rain above it, so that there
seems to be no distinction between what is overhead and what is
beneath us. But I know, in the churning pit of my stomach, that
what’s below is not a cloudy sky but water, water that extends in
all directions, farther than the eye can see, water with no end and
no bottom, water that my mind rejects as impossible even as my eyes
insist it is there before me.
Japheth and Arisi approach
the railing beside me, but I barely register their presence, for
I’ve begun to make out the things in the water, tossing and turning on the endless
waves, adding the glints of colors within the blue-gray. I see
branches with a few bedraggled leaves still hanging on, entire tree
trunks, and even, at the end of one trunk, a mass of roots that
must have been torn forcibly from the ground. I see glints of straw
atop mud-brick slabs that must once have been roofs, or walls. I
see broken clay pots and wooden barrels, long, torn strips of
leather that might once have covered tents, and bloated masses of
fur that I fear are—were—animals, though I’m loathe to look too
close.
And then something drifts
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