Forsaking Gray (The Colloway Brothers Book 1) by K.L. Kreig Page B

hit with the realization that I’ve really been living in darkness this whole time and my sunshine has finally returned. My purpose in life finally restored. My blackness vanished. And I’ll be damned if I’ll let anyone, or anything, throw me into that dark void ever again.
     

Chapter 15
     

     
     
    I didn’t once think of the many times sex was forced on me during those long, interminable days with Peter. I didn’t think of the beatings that would always follow, or the broken bones that would need time to mend before he started all over again. Instead, making love with Gray was always as I thought it would be. Healing . It helped that he held my gaze so I could stay in the moment. I let Gray have me, and I did nothing but enjoy every single second of it. The peacefulness that settled over me was deep and surreal.
    But I’ve also never been more confused.
    I shouldn’t have let him in. In either my heart, or my body, but I can’t bring myself to regret a single solitary second of what happened tonight. And I don’t know how I can face Gray again while keeping this ugly, dirty secret bottled up inside me, where it belongs. He didn’t push me for answers again, but there’s only so long that can last. Even if we were to try to make a go of this, he would eventually press me. And I’d refuse him. The bitterness of my lie of omission would fester like an open wound, ultimately becoming so infected its toxicity would spread and become untreatable. And fatal to our relationship.
    Gray thinks he loves me, he thinks he can forgive me, but, so help me God, if he knew my shameful secrets, he wouldn’t. He couldn’t . He’d turn and walk away with hate and contempt in his heart. And I simply can’t bear that. But the thought of letting him go almost sends my body into complete shutdown.
    I’m so screwed.
    “Livia, what are you doing sitting here alone in the dark?”
    The overhead light turns on. I squint my eyes at the hurt it inflicts on my retinas. I’ve been sitting on the couch in the dark, in complete silence, ever since Gray dropped me off hours ago. Against my protests, he insisted on bringing me home and walking me to the door. He wanted to stay, but I wouldn’t let him. I needed time and space to think. He wasn’t happy but respected my wishes. I told him I’d talk to him in a few days, but I fully expect he’ll just show up on my doorstep tomorrow, uninvited.
    “Livia, are you okay?” Addy asks, taking a seat beside me. Concern is clearly written all over her face and I’m glad my friend is here but want her gone at the same time.
    I can’t even speak. I simply shake my head and she wraps her arms around me, comforting me. Then she must spot what I’m holding because she grabs the small, velvet box from my hand. When she opens it, it makes that lovely little clicky noise that jewelry boxes do. You know, the one that makes your heart pitter-patter the first time you lift the lid. I hear her gasp at the beautiful, sparkling piece sitting in the cushioned middle.
    “What the hell is this, Liv?”
    “My engagement ring,” I state flatly, not looking at her.
    “Your engagement ring? Shut up. Who the fuck are you engaged to?” she shrieks. I haven’t been on a single date since we’ve lived together, so of course this shocks her. I’ve never spoken of Gray or Peter. I’ve never shared my painful past with anyone, except my shrink. I’ve kept the fucking lid on that nightmare superglued shut. It’s the only way I can cope.
    Taking the box back, I shut it and climb off the couch. My hips are stiff and my right leg is slightly asleep. I walk to the living room window, gazing at the dark night outside from our third-floor apartment.
    The day I offered my life for my sister’s I briefly let myself break. But the second I walked out the door of my father’s house, my resolve to survive was strong and fortified. I was given ten minutes and allowed to pack a small bag, taking only a few personal