Forgotten by Kailin Gow Page A

in. I can’t help loving you, wanting you.”
                “Is that so bad?” I ask, moving closer to him. “Look at me, Jack. Don’t just shut down and walk away. Really look at me.”
                Jack spins, staring at me with an intensity that has nothing to do with anger. “What do you want from me, Celes?”
                “Everything. Right now though, I want you to believe that I didn’t deliberately set out to hurt you with Grayson.”
                “You kissed him, though.”
                I nod. “I kissed him back when he kissed me. We went through a bit when you were gone. We were knocked senseless, and I had to rely on Grayson to do the most basic things because they made me feel so helpless, so weak. I was vulnerable, Jack, and yes, it was the wrong thing to do. I wish I could take it back, but I can’t. Gray and I have been together for so long before you came along, and things weren’t really resolved, and I was having these dreams…”
                I can practically feel the tension in Jack. Or maybe it’s in me. I don’t know. I want to fight with him. I want to tell him that he’s being unfair by blaming me, except he isn’t being unfair. All the time I was with Grayson, I was trying to convince myself that everything was okay, and that it didn’t matter, being that close to him, but it did.
                “Most of what’s on the footage isn’t how it looks,” I say. “Grayson helped me out with getting washed, because I couldn’t get the cuffs off to do it myself.”
                Jack swallows. “I guess I should be grateful that he doesn’t generate enough heat with you to melt them,” he says. He still doesn’t sound happy, but I guess I can’t have it both ways. I’m the one who asked him not to shut me out, and to let me see some of what he’s feeling. If I don’t like that, it’s on me as much as him.
                “What about the kiss, Celes?” he asks me softly. “Was that some kind of camera trick too?”
                It would be so easy to say yes, but I can’t do it. I can’t lie to him. I shake my head.
                “If you tell me that it was all Grayson, I’ll believe you,” Jack says. That’s the part that makes me feel ashamed of what happened. It’s not the hurt or the anger that Jack had before. It’s the way he’s willing to turn around and try to find a way to set it all aside, because he just cares that much, loves me that much.
                And because he cares that much, I owe him the truth. “Grayson started the kiss,” I say, “but I kissed him back. I should have seen it coming too. We were packed together in this place, and I could see that we were getting closer, but I didn’t draw a line there. I tried to, kind of, but I didn’t stop it.”
                Jack winces slightly, and I can see his face sliding into that carefully neutral expression that he uses so much. I reach out, putting my hands on his face.
                “Don’t, Jack. Please don’t. Let me know what you’re feeling. I know it has to hurt.”
                “It’s…” he let’s go of his control, and in that moment, I can see just how hurt he is by it. How vulnerable he is about his love for me. It’s not anger. It’s not resentment. It’s just a deep kind of pain at what has happened.
                “Oh, Jack,” I say, reaching out to wrap my arms around him. He’s held me so many times when I’ve been afraid, or hurt, or unable to cope, so I hold him. I hold him to try to show him that I’m there for him too. That I’ll always be there for him. After all, if my dreams are anything to go by, I always will be.
                He holds me too, for more than a minute. When he finally pulls back, he looks around the apartment with a professional eye. I take a moment to