their rights and support. The first thing I want you to know is that virtually every person I've worked with who attempted suicide and survived, was glad that they lived. So the emotions that cause suicidal feelings pass. Things get better; the sun does come out. Let me extend that hope to you.'
Trevor Carrick paused for a moment.
'What is it?' he asked.
'Why are you speaking like that?'
'Like what?'
'I don't know like what. You sound funny.'
'I can assure you none of this is meant to be funny, young man.'
Trevor Carrick adjusted himself in his seat and then he continued.
'How do you feel today about what has happened?'
'T'riffic.'
'Are you avoiding the subject?'
'No.'
'Can you tell me what you imagine other people's feelings and reactions are to your suicide attempt?'
'They're upset, I guess.'
'Do you understand the consequences of your attempt to commit suicide?'
'I was supposed to die.' James sighed. 'Look, I don't want to waste your time. I don't know how I feel.'
'Can you try?'
Trevor looked at James like he wanted him to speak so James did.
'I always feel like something bad is going to happen. I can't get over it,' he said.
'We call that feeling anxious. It's normal but once it hits a certain tipping point, it can become a problem.'
'Yeah, well, I feel anxious all the time for no reason.'
'What desires, feelings and wishes do you have today based on what you have experienced?'
'I'm a bit hungry. I wanna go home.'
'Can you distinguish between inner and outer reality at this moment in time?'
'As opposed to what other time?'
'Let me rephrase. Do you know the difference between pretend mode and real mode?'
'Yes.'
'Can you tell me how you go through your emotional processes?'
'Emotional processes?'
'OK,' said Trevor and he crossed and uncrossed his legs. 'My grooming rites can take up to three hours, shaving, brushing my teeth, moisturising, applying mousse to my hair, putting on clothes and taking them off again until they feel right. Emotional processes.'
'OK.' James thought for a long moment. 'When I get a McDonald's burger I always take the top bun off and check the position of the gherkins. I like them dead in the centre. What does that mean?'
Trevor shrugged. 'Fine. It is what it is. Your mother tells me you're an avid reader and you love to draw. Is that right?'
'Yes.'
'Who is your favourite author?'
'I don't have a favourite. Books get better and better.' At home James had a pile of books, stacked neatly next to his futon.
'I brought you a pencil and some paper. Would you like to draw something for me?'
He dug into his bag. James caught a glimpse of a crisp white towel, a paperback and a magazine with Matt Damon on the cover.
Trevor handed him a pencil and a large sheet of white paper. James didn't even raise his head. He sketched a noose and a bowline knot and returned the paper. Trevor's expression did not change. He dug deeper into his bag for another pencil and he used it to draw six stickmen around James's picture of the noose. He wrote the names of James's brothers and his mother beside each of the stick figures.
'How does your picture make you feel now?' he asked.
'Why would you do that?' James asked. 'You're trying to bait me up.'
'No, not at all. Without those people, your picture is incomplete. If you want to kill yourself you have to consider other people and the consequences. What you leave behind is pretty much a disaster.'
James shook his head. 'When I was up on that roof I thought of my family at my funeral. It was the thought that gave me the courage to jump.'
'Why did you jump and use the ropes?'
'What sort of question is that? We tried to kill ourselves.'
'Why not one or the other? You would have probably died if you'd jumped. Why the rope?'
'We argued about it. Ash wanted to jump. I thought we should send a message.'
'What do you think the message was?'
'Like the lynchings in America. To me everything kind of feels the same. There aren't any violent
Trevor Carrick paused for a moment.
'What is it?' he asked.
'Why are you speaking like that?'
'Like what?'
'I don't know like what. You sound funny.'
'I can assure you none of this is meant to be funny, young man.'
Trevor Carrick adjusted himself in his seat and then he continued.
'How do you feel today about what has happened?'
'T'riffic.'
'Are you avoiding the subject?'
'No.'
'Can you tell me what you imagine other people's feelings and reactions are to your suicide attempt?'
'They're upset, I guess.'
'Do you understand the consequences of your attempt to commit suicide?'
'I was supposed to die.' James sighed. 'Look, I don't want to waste your time. I don't know how I feel.'
'Can you try?'
Trevor looked at James like he wanted him to speak so James did.
'I always feel like something bad is going to happen. I can't get over it,' he said.
'We call that feeling anxious. It's normal but once it hits a certain tipping point, it can become a problem.'
'Yeah, well, I feel anxious all the time for no reason.'
'What desires, feelings and wishes do you have today based on what you have experienced?'
'I'm a bit hungry. I wanna go home.'
'Can you distinguish between inner and outer reality at this moment in time?'
'As opposed to what other time?'
'Let me rephrase. Do you know the difference between pretend mode and real mode?'
'Yes.'
'Can you tell me how you go through your emotional processes?'
'Emotional processes?'
'OK,' said Trevor and he crossed and uncrossed his legs. 'My grooming rites can take up to three hours, shaving, brushing my teeth, moisturising, applying mousse to my hair, putting on clothes and taking them off again until they feel right. Emotional processes.'
'OK.' James thought for a long moment. 'When I get a McDonald's burger I always take the top bun off and check the position of the gherkins. I like them dead in the centre. What does that mean?'
Trevor shrugged. 'Fine. It is what it is. Your mother tells me you're an avid reader and you love to draw. Is that right?'
'Yes.'
'Who is your favourite author?'
'I don't have a favourite. Books get better and better.' At home James had a pile of books, stacked neatly next to his futon.
'I brought you a pencil and some paper. Would you like to draw something for me?'
He dug into his bag. James caught a glimpse of a crisp white towel, a paperback and a magazine with Matt Damon on the cover.
Trevor handed him a pencil and a large sheet of white paper. James didn't even raise his head. He sketched a noose and a bowline knot and returned the paper. Trevor's expression did not change. He dug deeper into his bag for another pencil and he used it to draw six stickmen around James's picture of the noose. He wrote the names of James's brothers and his mother beside each of the stick figures.
'How does your picture make you feel now?' he asked.
'Why would you do that?' James asked. 'You're trying to bait me up.'
'No, not at all. Without those people, your picture is incomplete. If you want to kill yourself you have to consider other people and the consequences. What you leave behind is pretty much a disaster.'
James shook his head. 'When I was up on that roof I thought of my family at my funeral. It was the thought that gave me the courage to jump.'
'Why did you jump and use the ropes?'
'What sort of question is that? We tried to kill ourselves.'
'Why not one or the other? You would have probably died if you'd jumped. Why the rope?'
'We argued about it. Ash wanted to jump. I thought we should send a message.'
'What do you think the message was?'
'Like the lynchings in America. To me everything kind of feels the same. There aren't any violent
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