Forbidden Liaison: They lived and loved for the here and now by Patricia I. Smith Page B

train was a mixture of eagerness at seeing his children again; sorrow at the news he’d been given the day before; and a keen-ness to see his parents, even though he knew they would be heartbroken. But he felt apprehensive at the thought of having to see a wife who had rejected him.  Why couldn’t she see him, the person, not the unsightly mess parts of his body had been reduced to: he couldn’t face his wife after Izzy, so he decided to go to his parent’s home; they would give him a bed for night, they would never spurn him. He remembered that first night at home with Anna after being released from the hospital after a lengthy stay. Anna and the children had visited him, naturally, and it had been explained to Anna the extent of his injury and how lucky he was not to have lost the limb. That first night at home he had caught a glimpse of a look he could only describe as disgust, on his wife’s face. She began to shrink away from him; withdraw from the reality of what war can bring: retreat from a relationship that had once been sound, to a place where Anna had physically flinched when he had touched her for the first time in almost a year. And when she ran from the bedroom unable to hide her tears, Heinrich began to feel like the bogey-man who lived under the bed, the pervert every child was warned about, the hermit who was so ugly he had to be admonished forever to live a solitary life in a forest, right away from other people. Most of all, he now felt how it was to be different, which made him think about what he was fighting for, what other men were fighting for, and why men were laying down their lives because the powers that be only wanted perfect beings to bring about their vision of a master race. He wasn’t an ugly man, in fact most women thought he was most handsome. Izzy had been attracted by his good looks, and he to her loveliness. She hadn’t rebuffed him when she saw his body for the first time. But then he began to think it was all about sex: nothing more. But Izzy had seen the gift, wrapped and unwrapped. She’d been offered the box and she had briefly looked inside to like the gift presented, and Heinrich took great solace in that fact. His doubt and uncertainty had momentarily vanished, and for those few hours Izzy and he were together, he felt like a man again, not a freak.
     
    It was late when he arrived at the shop, which was closed. He rang the bell and waited until he saw his father enter from the back. Heinrich gave him a broad smile and a quick wave of the hand. His father unlocked the door. His eyes were red and he looked a lot older than his sixty seven years.
    ‘Heini, my son,’ his father breathed as his arms enveloped Heinrich in a protective hug. ‘You came. I’m so glad. Your Mama will be so pleased to see her baby.’
    ‘Papa,’ Heinrich replied hugging his father. ‘How is she? And how’s Gerde and the children?’
    ‘They’re upstairs. Come,’ he said, releasing his son, and as he locked the shop door behind him, Heinrich could hear the familiar sound of the ticking clocks and the smell of cabbage mixed with fresh baked bread.
    Heinrich picked up his bags and walked up the stairs behind his father. As they entered the large living room, his mother shot up from her chair. ‘Heini, my little Heini,’ and she cried as she hugged him, she couldn’t stop.
    Gerde and her four children sat silent on the sofa, all dabbing at their eyes. His brother, Mathias stood up, his two elder sisters remained sitting at the table with their three children around them. The place was full to bursting, like it used to be at Christmas time before the war. But the reason they were all there now, was Willi, Heinrich’s eldest brother, and first born. Heinrich walked over to the sofa. Gerde stood up and they immediately embraced, but Gerde stood sobbing into his shoulder for some time before he managed to calm her to kneel in front of her children to give them all a hug. The atmosphere in