For Love of the Earl by Jessie Clever Page B

rubbed Sarah's skin harder.  
    He could feel her tears now, hot against his neck.   Neither of them had spoken, and Alec suspected neither of them would.   Sarah would be too stubborn to admit she was even involved in this whole thing.   She would sink into herself and pretend that she didn't exist.   And Alec, well, hell, he was scared to death of Sarah, so there was no way he was going to say something.   And even if he did, he knew it would not be enough.  
    He had forced himself on his wife.
    God, why couldn't he remember what had happened?   Sarah had been kissing him.   He knew Sarah had been kissing him.   But how had Sarah gotten naked?   Had he gotten her naked?   Had he made her get naked?   Oh, God, what if he had forced her to touch him?   He recalled that moment clearly, and he had thought she had done that willingly, but what if he had made her do it?  
    The tears fell from his eyes now, and he didn't dare reach up to stop them.   He was afraid to stop rubbing Sarah's skin in an attempt to bring heat to her flesh.   He was afraid that if he stopped she would freeze and shatter, if he stopped she would disappear.  
    But he had to get her dressed.  
    He eased her away from him, but she didn't try to raise her head.   The tears fell harder now as he looked at her.   He knew she was still crying, her shoulders shaking.   He knew she was trying to pretend she wasn't in this moment, and Alec knew there was nothing he could do about it.  
    He looked around the room.   Her dress was on the ground a few inches away, and he lunged for it.   The material was slightly damp, but it was better than having her shiver naked against him.   He pulled the dress over the ground, and the material fanned out.   The collar was ripped, and buttons were missing.  
    Whatever Alec had eaten came up into his mouth then.   He swallowed it, welcoming the acid burn, the bitter taste as the contents of his stomach went back down.   Oh God, he had ripped her dress off.   Had she been crying then?   Had she tried to stop him?   Dammit, why couldn't he remember?  
    He somehow managed to get the dress over her head.   She moved her arms, slipping into the sleeves when appropriate, but she didn't move more than she had to and she never looked up at him.   It was best, he told himself.   He probably wouldn't like to look at him after the fact either, after he had forcefully taken her virginity.
    Oh, God, her innocence.   He knew Sarah had come to the marriage a virgin.   It had been in her file.   Everything had been in her file.   And he had just-  
    He buttoned the few buttons that still clung to the soiled material, and a horse whinnied in his ear.   He looked up startled, ready to defend Sarah against whatever it was.   A horse's nose batted his ear, and Alec leaned back to look up at the animal.   He had to wipe his eyes first as his vision was blurred with tears.   But yes, there was a horse in this hut with them.   How the hell had he missed that?  
    Alec threw himself back, his head striking the ground with enough force to make his ears ring.   But Sarah landed softly over him, draped across his chest, her head resting below his chin.   He held her there, keeping her face down, so she wouldn't have to look at him, wouldn't have to know that she wasn't alone.  
    And then he closed his eyes and hoped oblivion would come quickly.  
    ~
    In a hut in southern England
    A few moments later

    Sarah waited until Alec's breathing had evened out before she dared to wipe the tears out of her eyes.   She tried to open her eyes, but she just didn't have the strength.  
    Alec was alive.  
    Alive.  
    And he had just made love to her.  
    More tears suddenly surged behind her eyes, but she bit the inside of her cheek, confusing her system and forcing the tears to retreat.    
    The echo of his heartbeat was soothing below her ear.   Her fingers twitched in the dirt as she ached to wrap her arms around