“And do you think that is true about her experience with me, as well? Is all her connection to me merely an act to induce her to take to my bed?”
Vivien’s expression was unreadable at his question. “I’m amazed you would care. You don’t want her beyond a few nights, a few weeks at best.”
He sucked in a breath. Everyone kept saying that, including himself, but it didn’t ring true. He shook the thought away.
“No one likes being lied to,” he snapped.
Vivien was silent for a moment. “Then allow me to ease your ruffled feelings. I do think things are different between you. There is no need for her to force something between you. She wants you quite passionately. More to the point, she has a true regard and respect for you, and clearly you two satisfy each other greatly.”
Vivien moved toward him. “John, she is my best friend. Probably the only true friend I have in this world. And I think the idea that you are presenting her with an affair that is only for her pleasure is a great one, indeed. She deserves that. But…”
John tilted his head. “But?”
“This conversation, along with my own observations, makes me wonder…what are your true feelings for her?”
John tensed. True feelings? He could have no true feelings for her. For anyone.
When he was silent, Vivien continued, “Because you know as well as I do that she has suffered a great pain, believing she was loved and learning that was far from true. She dismisses it as if it does not affect her, but she is pained and humiliated. I would not want her to be lured in by your kindness and your affection, only to have you withdraw it. I think with you…with you it would do more damage.”
John swallowed. How that could be true, he did not know. But he refused to think about it, to face it.
“That shall not happen,” he said, his voice cracking. “Because I have no feelings toward Mariah beyond a friendship we have shared for three years and a desire to have her.”
Vivien was silent for a moment, but then she nodded. “If that is true, or if that is the truth you choose to repeat, then be certain she knows it now. Otherwise you will end up doing more harm than good later. And Mariah deserves better.”
John nodded. “That is one thing we can agree on, Vivien. Mariah deserves far better. Than Owen could give her. Or that I can.”
Vivien’s lips parted, but she did not stop him when he left the room, left her home, passed his waiting carriage and walked off into the dark night. To look for trouble. To look for a way to forget.
Chapter Nine
Mariah shifted as her carriage rounded another corner, but her discomfort had nothing to do with her current mode of transportation. Her destination was what made her stomach flutter and her heart race.
She was heading to John’s home.
Normally that fact would not cause her such anxiety. After all, she had been to his home many times in the past without the thought of it making her weak. Everything was different now. It had been three days since his abrupt departure from Vivien’s masquerade. Three days since they made love or talked. He had sent her no word during that time, offered her no explanation for his avoidance.
If he was ending this affair, she deserved to hear it from his lips. She refused to sit around, moping as she waited. She had done that very thing with Owen for years and had learned her lesson.
With John, if she wanted something, she was going to follow Vivien’s advice and take it.
The carriage stopped and all her bravado faded as the footman came around to open the door for her.
“Should we wait on the drive, miss?” her driver asked.
She shook her head. “No. I—I am not certain how long I will be. Feel free to take your rest in the servant area and I will ring for you when I am ready.”
Of course, she could be utterly humiliated if John refused to see her…or worse, dismissed her within moments of her arrival, but she was willing to take that risk. She hoped
Vivien’s expression was unreadable at his question. “I’m amazed you would care. You don’t want her beyond a few nights, a few weeks at best.”
He sucked in a breath. Everyone kept saying that, including himself, but it didn’t ring true. He shook the thought away.
“No one likes being lied to,” he snapped.
Vivien was silent for a moment. “Then allow me to ease your ruffled feelings. I do think things are different between you. There is no need for her to force something between you. She wants you quite passionately. More to the point, she has a true regard and respect for you, and clearly you two satisfy each other greatly.”
Vivien moved toward him. “John, she is my best friend. Probably the only true friend I have in this world. And I think the idea that you are presenting her with an affair that is only for her pleasure is a great one, indeed. She deserves that. But…”
John tilted his head. “But?”
“This conversation, along with my own observations, makes me wonder…what are your true feelings for her?”
John tensed. True feelings? He could have no true feelings for her. For anyone.
When he was silent, Vivien continued, “Because you know as well as I do that she has suffered a great pain, believing she was loved and learning that was far from true. She dismisses it as if it does not affect her, but she is pained and humiliated. I would not want her to be lured in by your kindness and your affection, only to have you withdraw it. I think with you…with you it would do more damage.”
John swallowed. How that could be true, he did not know. But he refused to think about it, to face it.
“That shall not happen,” he said, his voice cracking. “Because I have no feelings toward Mariah beyond a friendship we have shared for three years and a desire to have her.”
Vivien was silent for a moment, but then she nodded. “If that is true, or if that is the truth you choose to repeat, then be certain she knows it now. Otherwise you will end up doing more harm than good later. And Mariah deserves better.”
John nodded. “That is one thing we can agree on, Vivien. Mariah deserves far better. Than Owen could give her. Or that I can.”
Vivien’s lips parted, but she did not stop him when he left the room, left her home, passed his waiting carriage and walked off into the dark night. To look for trouble. To look for a way to forget.
Chapter Nine
Mariah shifted as her carriage rounded another corner, but her discomfort had nothing to do with her current mode of transportation. Her destination was what made her stomach flutter and her heart race.
She was heading to John’s home.
Normally that fact would not cause her such anxiety. After all, she had been to his home many times in the past without the thought of it making her weak. Everything was different now. It had been three days since his abrupt departure from Vivien’s masquerade. Three days since they made love or talked. He had sent her no word during that time, offered her no explanation for his avoidance.
If he was ending this affair, she deserved to hear it from his lips. She refused to sit around, moping as she waited. She had done that very thing with Owen for years and had learned her lesson.
With John, if she wanted something, she was going to follow Vivien’s advice and take it.
The carriage stopped and all her bravado faded as the footman came around to open the door for her.
“Should we wait on the drive, miss?” her driver asked.
She shook her head. “No. I—I am not certain how long I will be. Feel free to take your rest in the servant area and I will ring for you when I am ready.”
Of course, she could be utterly humiliated if John refused to see her…or worse, dismissed her within moments of her arrival, but she was willing to take that risk. She hoped
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